


A Caged Bird Sings

by Ashenee



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: 2doc - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, BDSM, Choking, Cutting, Disturbing Themes, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Stalking, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threats of Violence, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-08-14 13:46:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 61,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashenee/pseuds/Ashenee
Summary: When Murdoc was 25, instead of working towards creating his band he'd always dreamed of, he was forced to pay off a massive debt his deceased father left for him. Nick, the owner of an escort service, offered to pay Murdoc's debt as long as he paid him back by working for him. Murdoc had no other choice but to agree. 6 years later and he's been stuck in this same job, having given up on his dream of becoming a well renowned musician. That is, until he meets Stuart Pot.





	1. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title is a quote by Langston Hughes.

Murdoc strolled down the nearly empty street filled with small businesses surrounded by quiet family homes on nearby streets. This area was located on the outskirts of London. It was quiet here in the evening, with most of the people living here getting ready to head home and have a nice family dinner. The sun was starting to sink into the horizon, filling the sky with gorgeous oranges, pinks, and purples. Street lamps were starting to awaken one by one, keeping the streets and walkways safe from the ever consuming darkness.

He was in a black leather jacket, a plain black shirt, jeans and his prized Cuban heels tonight. His wardrobe usually consisted of similarly colored items, having always felt that darker colors fit him better. Regardless of what he may have wanted to wear, he was stuck with the reality that his wardrobe only contained enough shirts to barely last him a week, having only two pairs of decent jeans. He owned only the one pair of boots, his Cuban heels being his most beloved possession. They were probably the one thing he took care of. The jacket was also the only jacket he owned. It was heavy and durable, so it worked quite well in most temperatures and has lasted him a few years. 

The jacket, nor the rest of his outfit, didn’t kept him very warm in the chilly April air, however. It had rained earlier that day, as it always seemed to in the UK, but thankfully there weren't a ton of puddles Murdoc had to avoid. There was nothing worse than walking in cold, wet boots and jeans, especially when one had to trudge their ass an hour across town to get to work.  
  
He pulled out a smoke from his pocket, placing the stick in his mouth as he searched for his lighter in various pockets. He failed to find it, curses passing through his lips as he tried to remember where he'd left it. If he didn’t get a smoke soon, he knew he was going to be in a foul mood.    
  
"Need a light?" A thick cockney accent came from a nearby alley. It startled Murdoc slightly as he didn't think there was anyone else nearby. He paused his walk and tried focusing on the one in the dark, trying to get a better look at him. Murdoc lifted an eyebrow when a kid, probably around 19 or 20 stepped out from the alley. The first thing he noticed was his strikingly blue hair. Even in the dusk lighting, he could tell it was a brilliant blue. It was spiky and unruly, fit the kid nicely. The color of his eyes matched his hair and he had a giant, toothy grin on his face. It looked as if he was missing one, maybe two of his front teeth, however. As the kid got closer, Murdoc realized just how tall and lanky he was, the suit he wore only seemed to accentuate the look. He was easily over 6 feet, towering over his barely 5 feet 9 inches with his boots on. Murdoc tried not to feel intimidated.   
  
"Sure, mate." He grunted. The kid handed him the lighter and took a puff of his own cigarette, blowing the smoke out slowly and watching Murdoc. He felt a little uncomfortable with him observing, but he tried to ignore it. He handed the lighter back after inhaling and exhaling deeply. "Thanks…"  
  
They stood there in silence, the only sounds coming from the distant cars and street lamps buzzing in the dusk light. Murdoc looked at the nearby building to get some kind of clue as to what the kid was doing in an alley here. They were next to a book store called "Novel Ideas" and a music store called "Uncle Norm's Organ Emporium".   
  
Murdoc could feel the corners of his mouth twitch upwards. Memories of his younger years washed over him. The years when he dreamt of becoming a big name musician, touring the world, and getting away from his shitty life. He'd abandoned those dreams years ago, especially when he had to sell his bass, but he still wrote songs from time to time. He was positive that was the only thing keeping him sane now.   
  
The kid cleared his throat, reminding Murdoc he was still there. He looked back over at him, giving him another quick look over.    
  
"You work here?" He asked, a little bit of hope in his voice. He hadn't been able to talk to anyone except Russel about music and Russ always seemed to be in a foul mood, so Murdoc didn’t get much out of him often.  
  
The kid took another puff and nodded. "Yeah, I have been for about over year now. I really like it. I love making music and I sing a little so it's the perfect place to earn money and get to practice a bit."   
  
Murdoc's could feel his own face light up at the mention of the kid liking to sing and make music. "Oh yeah? I like to make a little music myself. What do you play?" He tried not to act too excited, he didn't want to scare the kid off.   
  
"I like the melodica and I still have my Casio VL Tone from years before, it’s one of my favorites. I also have a collection of various keyboards." The kid beamed at Murdoc, going on about the keyboards he had at home. He rambled on as if he was talking to a longtime friend, not a stranger he’d just met in the dark. He assumed the kid was the type of person who wouldn't shut up if you got him talking, but he didn't mind. Murdoc was just on his way to work, so stalling wasn’t an issue for him, plus he still had plenty of time. He listened to the kid talk, finally finishing up his own cigarette. He threw it on the ground, stepping on the butt with his boot. The bluenette did the same with his, finally remaining silent for a moment.   
  
"So… do you play anything?" the kid asked, looking back up at Murdoc.   
  
Murdoc sniffed and shrugged his shoulders. He turned to look down the street, noticing how it'd gotten dark quick. "I used to play bass…" he muttered. He was still a bit sour about having to sell it, even if it’d been three years already. He sighed, "I do write a bit still, however."   
  
The kid seemed to bounce at the mention of this, showing his missing teeth in a huge smile once again. "Really? I would love to see what you have written sometime!" Murdoc didn't reply, the kid seemed to sense his hesitance and continued slightly calmer now, "w-we even have some bass guitars here you could play on. If you wanted." He was surprised by the straightforwardness this kid presented. He’d just barely met Murdoc and was already asking to look at his music. The kid didn’t even know what kind of music he wrote, or if it was any good. Murdoc considered the kid could be an optimistic idiot.  
  
Murdoc looked from the kid to the shop then back at him, deciding it couldn’t hurt to try something new. "Yeah… okay." He attempted to give the kid a reassuring smile. He liked the idea of making music again, he just hoped this kid wasn’t fucking with him. _Fuck it,_ Murdoc thought. _What have I got to lose really?_

"What are the hours you're usually here… uh… sorry, I don't think I've got your name yet." Murdoc gestured slightly with his hands towards the kid so he’d give him his name.  
  
"Stuart, Stuart Pot. And you are?"   
  
"Murdoc Niccals, pleasure to meet you." He extended his hand out and smiled when Stuart shook it, yet another smile plastered onto his face. The smile seemed genuine. It made him feel good about trusting Stuart.    
  
"Oh, I usually work Tuesday through Saturday, closing shift. So about 1 to 8 at night. I actually just closed up tonight, but you could come by tomorrow!"   
  
Murdoc frowned, "Unfortunately, I'm booked for the next couple days, but how's about I come around on Saturday, yeah?" He hated making commitments on the days he would end up working that same night. He usually had to catch up on sleep during those days.  
  
Stuart nodded his head enthusiastically. The kid’s enthusiasm was growing on Murdoc. He felt comfortable around him, and that was rare. Stuart seemed a little thick, but overall a good kid. Murdoc decided he wanted to actually get to know him more. A small part of his mind told him to remain alert, nonetheless.  
  
They stood there for a few more minutes in a comfortable silence, looking at the night sky before Stuart broke the peace, "Well… I 'spose I better get going. It was nice to meet you Murdoc and I look forward to seeing you again! Make sure to bring your songs Saturday." With that, Stuart waved and flashed Murdoc another goofy grin, heading off in the direction Murdoc had just came. He watched Stuart walk away and continued to stare in that direction for a while after the kid had rounded a corner out of site.   
  
Eventually, he exhaled melodramatically. He knew he needed to get to work eventually, but it had been nice to not have to think about it for small time. It'd been a while since he'd had a normal conversation with someone, and Murdoc had found it was almost a little addicting. He wanted more already, but he settled to just looking forward to Saturday, his next day off.   
  
He turned back around and continued in the direction he'd been heading previously, closer to the bustling city streets. The street lamps were on, lighting up only the walkways and part of the streets and nothing else till he got closer to the larger buildings and busier sidewalks. There, the lights from business windows, neon signs, plus the copious amounts of passing cars helped to light the sidewalks better.   
  
Murdoc pulled up the collar of his jacket as far as it would go to try to shield the chill from the wind. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets in hopes of warming them up. He kept his head down, hoping to keep any attention away from him as he made his way into the more eventful and rowdy part of town. More pubs lined the streets, with people outside talking amongst each other and have a great time. He used to love drinking with friends and even strangers, now he hated it. Usually he had to do it for his job, which meant sucking down as many shots as his client offered him, regardless of what type of drink and how much Murdoc could handle. He could handle a lot of alcohol, but he hated working drunk, it dulled his senses and he couldn't keep track of his surroundings and clients. He couldn’t even count the number of times he’d been drugged over the years. Occasions like that made drinking exponentially less fun.   
  
Tonight, however, Murdoc was feeling good after his short talk with Stuart and decided to head into his favorite bar before going to work. A quick shot or two of whiskey from his pal Russel would help settle his nerves. His favorite bar was owned by the Hobbs family. Their son, Russel, was the young man who helped run the counter. He was a master of the world of Hip Hop and a man that played a mean set of drums, or so Murdoc's been told. He could barely get Russel to talk, let alone play him anything. Russ didn't seem to be the fondest of him, but tolerated him for the business and the mild entertainment he provided. Murdoc, on the other hand, found Russel fascinating. He was an odd guy, nearly 9 years younger than Murdoc, and he was supposedly possessed. The giant man had pure white eyes, which is what drew his attention in the first place, but he could never get Russel to tell him the story behind the white eyes. Someone that was unfortunate enough to hear their arguing one day finally took pity on Murdoc and told him Russ was possessed by his dead friend, Del. The possession ended up turned his eyes white. He made a vow to get Russel to show him someday, he just wasn't sure how.  
  
Murdoc found his way into the bar. It wasn't as busy during the week night so he easily found a spot close to where Russel was serving at the counter. He waited for the man to see him, giving him his infamous smirk and waving his hand over enthusiastically. Russel stopped and looked unenthused, then sighed and made his way over.   
  
"You just doing two shots of your usual?" He grumbled, not even waiting for Murdoc to answer. He started pulling out two shot glasses and pouring his favorite whiskey into them.   
  
"You know me so well, Russ. How's your night been?" He asked, pouring one of the shots down his throat and shivering slightly at the harsh taste. He loved the feeling. When Russ didn't really answer, he continued, "I met an interesting fellow tonight. He works at a music shop and plays keyboards and sings!" Murdoc couldn't contain his enthusiasm. He'd spent years looking for the perfect singer, having to give up when he never found one and then he didn’t have the time nor the energy. He had tried singing himself, but he just couldn't produce the sound he was looking for. Russel knew all this, but still looked a little surprised at the amount of enthusiasm Murdoc was showing.   
  
"Did you really? How'd you find this out? Who is he?" Russel asked, watching Murdoc take his second drink.   
  
Murdoc smiled, "The kid, Stuart, told me while we were smoking outside his music shop. He let me use his lighter. He seemed a bit thick…"   
  
Russel grunted, "He'd have to be if he’s willing to strike up a conversation with you." He was pulling the two empty shot glasses off the counter and placing them in a bin below the counter for washing.   
  
He growled at the quick insult, "Oh, piss off. You realize you talk to me, yeah? What does that make you?"  
  
Russel chuckled a bit. "Man, you know I am stuck here talking to your green ass because I have to. I don't know why you feel the need to bother me all the time, but you pay me and that's all I care about."   
  
Murdoc smiled devilishly at him, feeling the whiskey giving him a bit of a buzz. "Oh come on Russ, you'd get bored if I didn't show up here. I know you'd miss me. Everyone misses Murdoc Niccals." He smiled when Russ just laughed slightly and shook his head.   
  
"Whatever. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out." He turned away to go help someone at the other end of the bar.   
  
"Yeah, see ya later." Murdoc grunted as he made his way out of the bar after leaving some money for his drinks. The alcohol gave him a quick buzz and he was ready to go to work. He walked the few more blocks, heading into the alleyway right before the club he worked at. The place was called "Pandora's box". Murdoc always thought it was kind of clever considering the kinds of things that happened inside the place. The main part of the club was exactly as it sounded, a club for people to dance, drink, and hang out. There was another part of the club hidden in the back. A darker part, which only those who knew where to look and had the money could find. That's where he had worked for about six years now.    
  
He walked down the darkened alley towards a door with only a neon sign on it that read '“OPEN”. This sign and a small light over a door across the alley provided the only light. This pissed Murdoc off every night as he hated tripping over any lose garbage or drunk assholes since he could barely see. The door with the neon sign looked like a back entrance to the club, still guarded by security. You had to have a connection or a shit load of money to get in through this entrance however.   
  
Murdoc made it to the door unscathed this time and didn't even have to say anything to security, just nodded his greeting and making his way in like he did every night he worked. After entering, he continued down the dimly lit hallway, which led to a single entrance at the other end. The lights in the hall gave off a slight blue tint, which Murdoc hated as well. The dimness and color always threatened to give him a headache, which he didn’t need before work.

Once he passed through the entrance to the lounge at the end of the hallway, he stopped to survey who was here tonight. The lounge was well lit and a largely open area that held a bar and some comfortable, private areas that housed couches and tables. The entire place was decorated elegantly and with a sense of class, trying to hide the impression of being a glorified whorehouse. Paintings adorned the dark colored walls around the lounge, spaced out evenly so as not to seem too overwhelming. The lights gave off a calming ambiance, lighting only above the private seating areas and the bar. High walls separated the seating areas, with large sliding doors in front of each area that could be closed to provide even more privacy. The bar had a huge selection of alcohol of any kind, priced way too high for Murdoc’s liking.   
  
Tonight the bar was fully seated by both men and women, some being workers and the others clients. Murdoc recognized the workers, but never bothered to remember their names. None of them stuck around long enough for him to care anyways. The only one he knew was Mark, the bartender, who waved at him when he saw him. He gave Mark a nod and went to the other side of the lounge to one of the private corner booths. There sat a blonde haired, large beast of a man named Nick, surrounded by a few women and men who were listening to him tell another of his boring stories. His jaw was incredibly defined, which gave him an intimidating look. The man always slicked his hair back, which Murdoc thought looked incredibly awful. It only showed off his small forehead that was lined with scars from the various scraps he’d been in when he was younger. When Murdoc had seen the few times his hair was normal, he looked so much nicer, something he’d never voice out loud to the man. He had incredibly green eyes that seemed to possess the ability to gaze into one’s soul. This, coupled with the well-tailored business suits he wore and strong posture, made him almost ooze a sense of authority. He scoffed, thinking the suits were a ridiculous touch in a place like this.

He stood on the other side of the table, saying nothing, waiting for Nick to notice him. He’d learned years ago not to interrupt Nick. Doing so usually ended up with a swift kick to the stomach from him or his security. There was nothing worse than gasping for air in front of him and his company he’d have with him. The group appeared to be enjoying the bullshit story Nick was telling. Murdoc didn't care to listen, instead keeping himself entertained by watching the TV mounted on the wall by the bar, showing horse races from earlier today. He assumed the lounge had held the usual bets before the race. Murdoc, nor any of the other employees, wasn’t allowed to partake in betting at work, so he never really paid attention to the races. Still, it was far more entertaining to watch the horses and imagine himself there than to listen to the greased up twit tell his stories.   
  
"Murdoc!" He was snapped out of his thoughts as he realized Nick yelled his name. He turned back to the man and noticed how all eyes were on him. He didn't care, however, as he was used to it. Nick generally had a posse with him at all times, which usually ending up being a different group every night. Murdoc raised his eyebrows to show he was waiting for the man to continue.   
  
"You're late." Nick said, frowning.   
  
Murdoc looked at the nearby clock on the wall. It read 9 PM. "Uh… no I'm not, I'm actually an hour early. Plus I don't have anyone scheduled till later."   
  
Nick shook his head. "Nope, not anymore. We pushed all your appointments tonight onto others. You got someone asking specifically for you, they got here nearly half an hour ago. This one's a big payer, so treat him well. He’s been here before so he knows the drill."   
  
His heart dropped. He had an inkling of who it might be, but he hoped he was wrong.  "Who is it?"  
  
Nick looked at him and smirked, "You already know, Niccals" This caused Murdoc to feel a slight sense of panic overtaking him.  
  
"Shit…" He growled. He knew what he was going to do next was foolish, but he had to try.

"… I won't do it." Any light chattering going on in Nick's group ceased. Murdoc swallowed and felt like his heart was beating hard enough that he was sure everyone could hear it. He stood his ground, however, looking Nick straight in the eye. He was going to voice his concerns, regardless if it pissed the man off. Murdoc knew his life depended on it.

Nick went into a full scowl, a glint of anger in his eyes. "You really think you have a choice?" Nick stated coldly. Murdoc felt as if the air thickened, the tension increasing in the group, yet he continued to hold his ground. He figured his defiance would get him killed someday, but it’d be worth it in the end.  
  
"I should. That guy’s a bloody psycho, Nick. I can't deal with him again, send in someone else if you want his money that badly." Murdoc gave Nick a throaty growl, his lips parting slightly, showing his unnaturally sharp teeth. It was animalistic, but he hoped it got his point across. Nick seemed to study him for a few seconds then looked to his security guards somewhere behind Murdoc. Quicker than he could react, Murdoc felt a set of large hands grab his arms and hold him in place. He could feel the man get close, his chest on Murdoc's back to help hold him still. He could tell the guy was well over six feet tall and had to weigh over 300 pounds. He wasn’t sure where Nick dug up this huge son of a bitch, but he knew there was no way he was getting away. He didn't even bother wasting any energy by struggling. He hoped the guy’s grip of steel wouldn't cause him to bruise too much, clients tended not to like that.   
  
Nick stood up from where he was sitting, took a moment to adjust his tie, and then strolled over. He stopped in front of Murdoc and bent over slightly so his face was more level with Murdoc’s. His face was so close, he could smell the aftershave on his face. He even considered trying to bite him in the hopes of getting Nick away from his face, but he knew that was an absurd idea. He watched Nick closely, but he couldn't tell if the man was angry or not, his face appearing unreadable at the moment.   
  
“Listen, Murdoc. I think I have been pretty patient with you so far. I've known you for at least 10 years, before you even started working here. I knew your dad for many years before he passed. I've been lenient on you regarding your debt-"  
  
" **HIS** debt." Murdoc hissed. His bastard father had collected a debt of a few hundred thousand pounds from multiple shady businesses around Stoke-on-Trent. Nick had offered to pay all of them off after he had been at his wits end and desperate. If Nick were to pay the debts off, Murdoc had to agree to work for Nick to pay him back. Nick was kind enough to still offer Murdoc a paycheck, but it only covered the very basics for living. The rest went towards paying off the debt towards Nick.   
  
He watched Murdoc, slowly nodding, "Fine, his debt that became your debt. That doesn't change the fact that I've been pretty lenient on you. Most people with debts not even near as big as yours here have to work twice as often with worse people. So, essentially what I’m saying is I don't give a flying fuck if you don't want to do it. You're going to go in there and you're going to put a bloody smile on your face to serve this guy, got it?" He straightened himself, standing at his full height and towering over Murdoc.  
  
Murdoc clenched his jaw, he knew he didn't have much of a choice now. Nick seemed to notice his hesitation in agreeing to possibly get filleted again. He smiled and put his hand up to Murdoc's cheek, gently stroking his thumb up and down. Murdoc frowned even more at the gesture, hating when Nick did this to him. Some of the women he worked with thought it was endearing, Murdoc just thought it was odd and out of character for the man. He didn't know how to read Nick when he did this.   
  
"Besides," he said, almost whispering, "You're the only one here who's willing to do quite a few things others won't. That's why you get specific clients. You agreed to this, now you need to do it.”  
  
Murdoc sneered unpleasantly, "Yeah, I agree to it when I know they'll stop when I say, and I know they aren't going to kill me. He nearly did last time, or don't you remember?" Murdoc was referring to the last time the man was here, He came out bleeding a little too much for his liking from the overzealous knife play. His mistake had been letting himself get restrained, which he knew not to let happen again.   
  
Nick gave Murdoc a sweet smile, "You know we will watch the monitors, if we feel like it's going too far then security will step in. Does that work for you?" Murdoc grunted as a reply. He forgot about the cameras, but it didn't make him feel any better. His heart was still pounding in his chest and the nerves at what was going to happen soon caused a small shiver to run through him. He reminded himself that he was not going to die here and he was going to make sure of that.   
  
"Fine, let go of me!" He growled. Once the hands around his arms released him, he stormed his way to the back of the lounge. He didn’t wait for Nick’s reaction, he’d had enough of the man. He went through the door that said "Paying Customers Only". He walked through another small hallway that lead to bathrooms on one side and the rooms on the other. He could faintly hear the bass from the songs playing in the club on the other side. He had learned to tune this out a while ago, same going for the sounds from the other rooms. He began walking slower towards his room at the very end, his defiance and self-preservation kicking in again.

His room was the largest room, which Murdoc loved. It was actually modeled after a large hotel room with fake windows. Murdoc assumed this was to give it a certain ambiance and make people feel a little more comfortable. The lack of windows were so some of his more flighty employees didn’t end up running. The room was as big as his entire studio apartment, with a huge king size bed and a full bath. He didn’t have either of those in his apartment, settling for a twin sized futon and a half bath instead. The luxurious room was what he got for working here the longest and having a broad range of activities he did that the others wouldn't. It was something for his hard work he supposed.    
  
As he got closer to the room, he tried not to let his nerves get the best of him. He could have easily turned around and left, but he knew the consequences of that. Nick made sure he knew all too well when he'd first started. Those times Murdoc tried leaving had ended with him sustaining a broken nose plus a few other broken items, which helped to give Murdoc his notoriously wonky nose.   
  
He reached his door, took in a giant breath, exhaling slowly, and opened it slowly. He clenched his jaw as he saw the very same guy he had hoped it wasn’t, sitting and waiting patiently on the end of the bed. He stopped near the edge of the door and studied the guy, who seemed to be watching Murdoc as well, a giant unsettling smile on his face when he saw him walk in. He was an older man, probably in his late 40’s, but still quite handsome. He had short black hair that was peppered with grey, his hazel eyes that always stared intensely at Murdoc. The guy, to Murdoc’s annoyance, was quite tall and in decent shape. He made Murdoc feel a little insecure about himself, which only pissed him off more. He didn't understand why this asshole was here paying for this when he could easily pick up any girl, or guy, he wanted. He collected himself and took off his jacket and boots immediately after shutting the door, putting them in the nearby closet. He didn't want to give the guy a chance to ruin those.   
  
"So… you're back." Murdoc said bluntly, hoping it’d get the guy to stop smiling at him like a lunatic. It didn't work.   
  
"Oh, yeah. You were phenomenal last time, I couldn't stop thinking about it…" he trailed off and stared into the distance, as if he was replaying last time in his head.    
  
Murdoc raised an eyebrow. He assumed this guy was nuts, also figuring out why the guy probably didn’t have many dates. He wouldn’t go within 100 yards of this psycho if he didn’t have to.  
  
"Alright buddy, what'd you have in mind this time?" He decided to get right to the point, snapping the man out of his thoughts. His face lit up, looking as if Murdoc had just told him he won the lottery. He knew this was going to be a long night.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Murdoc stumbled out of the room, it was near 1 in the morning. He tried to walk normally, but the wounds on his right leg failed to let him do that. He had thrown his shirt on and haphazardly put his pants on. They weren’t buttoned so he had to hold them up with one hand. He had his boots and coat in the other hand, heading straight for the bathroom on the other side of the hallway. There was no way in hell he would going to use the bathroom in the room and be near that guy another second.   
  
"Security will intervene, my ass." He snarled to himself as he made it to the bathroom and locked the bolt on the door. The bathroom had multiple stalls, so others could have come in, but he didn't give a shit about their bathroom needs at the moment. He needed to be alone.

He dropped his boots and jacket, quickly peeling off his shirt and throwing it to the floor as well. He walked straight to the mirror, assessing the damage. His left eye was swollen shut and he had multiple bruise marks around his neck from the guy choking him. His chest was covered in cuts that still bled.   
  
"Fucker…" Murdoc snarled as he grabbed the first aid kit attached to the wall. He was shaking slightly, but he did his best to ignore it. The guy had, once again, refused to listen to Murdoc when he’d asked him to stop, cutting him as much as he could before Murdoc had the opportunity to get him off. He was glad he had refused to be tied up or this night could have ended differently. The guy had used his hands to hold him down, but that was easier for him to slip out of than cuffs. He smirked bitterly at himself in the mirror as he remembered scratching the guy's face to let up on the choking, then punching him when he tried again. That's when he had had enough and left.   
  
"Fucking prick." Murdoc growled as he dabbed the cuts on his chest with a cotton ball soaked in hydrogen peroxide. The peroxide stung, but it kept Murdoc from becoming overwhelmed by what had just happened. Next he dabbed his lip with another soaked ball where the guy had bitten him. He usually didn't mind pain when it came to sex, but there was a difference between pleasurable pain and just plain old pain. He looked down at his jeans, anger boiling in the pit of his stomach as he saw blood from the cuts on his legs bleeding into his jeans.   
  
"Son of a b-" there was a knock at the door, startling Murdoc.   
  
"Occupied!" He yelled out angrily, watching the door to see if whoever was on the other side was going to try again. He didn't hear anything and assumed they'd left. He turned back to the mirror, pulling his jeans down to his knees, working to clean up the cuts on his thigh. Thankfully, the guy only got to one thigh, so Murdoc's legs weren't completely fucked. The guy had only made quick shallow cuts that didn’t need stitches. Murdoc wouldn’t have gone to get stitches anyways unless they’d been really bad, figuring duct tape and glue were far cheaper and he wouldn’t have ER nurses grilling him about his health.   
  
"Um, Murdoc, it's me." He froze as he realized it was his psychotic client at the door. He watched the door again, double checking it was still locked.   
  
"What do you want? We're done for today." He spit, hoping the guy would get the hint and piss off. It was quiet again, but Murdoc didn't let his guard down.   
  
"I-I just wanted to say thanks for tonight… and I left you a gift in the room. I hope you like it and I'd love to see you again." Murdoc wasn't sure why he sounded so timid now, the guy didn't sound like that at all when he was in that fucking room. It got quiet again and he scrunched his face in disgust at the idea of seeing that man again willingly. Seeing that guy again meant certain death for sure. Murdoc's morbid curiosity, however, was slightly peaked at the idea of a gift being left for him. He prayed to Satan it wasn't a knife.    
  
He finished cleaning his wounds and rubbed his jeans with cold water, trying to clean off all the blood. As he did so, he contemplated why the man said thanks, even after getting scratched and punched in the face. He had fucked Murdoc once in that entire time, it couldn’t have been exciting enough to elicit a thank you after getting hit in the face. He shook his head, unsure of what to think. He just wanted to push tonight out of his mind and get into his own bed. There was no way he was working again tonight, he possibly wasn't working tomorrow either now thanks to his injuries. He cleaned up the rest of himself as best he could in the bathroom. He really needed a shower, but resolved to just take one when he got home.   
  
He put his clothes back, preparing himself mentally in case the guy was still outside the bathroom door. He took a giant breath and exhaled slowly, once again ignoring the shaking in his hand. He balled his right hand into a fist, ready to swing if necessary and with his other hand, he unlocked the door and slowly pulled it open. He peered out into the hallway and saw it was empty. He'd never felt so much relief in his life. He relaxed to some extent and made his way back to his room, staying aware of his surroundings in case the guy decided to pop up.   
  
Murdoc slowly opened the door to his room and prayed the guy wasn't waiting for him. Thankfully, the room was empty, he'd even cleaned up and made the bed. On top of the bed sat a small green gift bag with pastel colored tissue paper and what looked to be a business card attached to it.

 _What a fucking nut…_ Murdoc thought as he went into the room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He sat on the bed and hesitantly grabbed the bag. He usually didn't get gifts from anyone, so a part of him was curiously excited, another part extremely apprehensive. He looked at the card and sure enough, it was the man's business card.   
  
"Jeffery Walker, huh?" Murdoc read the card. Apparently he was a defense attorney. _What the fuck was a lawyer doing with an escort service?_ He pondered. _Was it because of his fucked up sexual interests? Probably. And I'm just the lucky bloke to catch his eye apparently._ He pursed his lips. He originally agreed to be the type of worker that took on those with… darker or varied interests. Murdoc didn't really mind, the BDSM scene was hot and he usually had a lot of fun. The problem was when a few of these rotten individuals came around and wanted to just fulfill some sick fantasy that he didn’t agree to.

 _Maybe it would have been more fun if I'd been able to get off at least. But why would he let me know where he works? He's even crazier than I thought if he thinks I'm calling him._ Murdoc laughed bitterly to himself at the idea. He'd have to be pretty fucking desperate. He placed the card in his wallet, however, in case he needed the man’s information later.  
  
He turned his attention to the bag, a little hesitant to see what was inside. He slowly pulled some of the tissue out and the first thing that came out was something small and a little heavy that landed on the floor next to Murdoc's feet. He gingerly leaned over and picked it up. The item turned out to be a nice zippo lighter with Murdoc's initials engraved on it.   
  
"What the fuck?" He turned it over in his hands, studying it. This, coupled with the business card, made Murdoc slightly uneasy. This Jeffery was getting too familiar with him now, which threw up multiple red flags for him. It was difficult to dislike the lighter, as it was really nice and Murdoc still needed one. He shrugged most of the uneasy feeling away and put the lighter in his jacket pocket. He went back to pulling at the rest of tissue in the bag, throwing it on the floor next to him. When he reached the end, he looked down into the bag, his jaw dropping at what he saw.   
  
It was money, the notes wrapped in a few small stacks. He slowly and shakily grabbed it, unsure his eyes were really seeing this. He thumbed through the stacks, counting at least 10 grand in total. He swallowed, his breathing became quick. He wasn't sure what to do with this, he’d never seen this much money at one time. Was that psychotic prick really giving Murdoc this money? If he accepted it, does that mean something to the guy? Usually Murdoc never saw any exchange of money, Nick took care of that before they were even allowed back in the rooms. Was this even normal? He had heard the other men and women he worked with sometimes received gifts from clients, but he’d never heard about them receiving this much money. He wasn't sure about any of that, but he knew he needed to get this home.   
  
Murdoc shoved the money into the pocket located on the inside of his jacket. He zipped up his jacket snugly and made his way out of the room and through the lounge. He hoped no one would see his damaged face and want to start up a conversation. He never felt so relieved when he somehow managed to sneak out to the alley without anyone so much as looking at him. He said good night to security and made his way towards the main street, ignoring the small group chatting under the light located over the door of the building next door.    
  
"Hey, Murdoc!!" A slurred voice called to him. He froze, cursing under his breath. He knew that slurring voice, he knew it all too well. It was Nick located in the small group under the light, having a smoke with a group of guys, possibly from the front of the club.  He sounded quite drunk.  
  
"M-Murdoc, come here! Let me introduce you to some friends here." Murdoc frowned and snapped his head back to look at Nick. "I'm a little busy Nick, I'm going home." He yelled back, trying to remain as calm as he possible. He didn’t want to find out what would happen if Nick discovered his generous tip. He didn’t know what he’d do if Nick, or anyone else for that matter, tried to take it from it, especially after the hell he just went through to get it.  
  
"No, no. It'll just be a second, c-come here." Nick slurred. The others in the group were laughing and smoking their cigarettes, watching to see if Murdoc came like a fucking dog being called by its master. Unfortunately, he had to listen or there was a chance Nick would get his security to drag him over. Murdoc mumbled curses under his breath and made his way to Nick and his friends standing under the only light in the alley.  
  
When he got close enough, Nick slung his arm over his shoulder, leaning fully on him. Murdoc grimaced as he had to put more weight on his bad leg to keep from collapsing. Nick brought his other hand up to Murdoc's face and held his chin tightly, his fingers digging in harder than he probably meant to. Nick smiled and looked at the guys.   
  
"This here… this is Murdoc. Look at how short and adorable he is. He's been with me for about 5, no, 6 years now and he's great. He's one of the few that'd let you do practically anything to him and i-it's a big hit with clients. Look at this, he just got done with someone." His hand was cupping Murdoc's chin tightly, refusing to let him pull away. The other hand around his shoulder reached up to pull the collar of his jacket down slightly. Everyone in the group was studying his swollen, black eye and the bruises around his neck. He could feel his face heat up from embarrassment thankful it was too dark for anyone to really notice. A small ball of anger started to build up inside him, especially for the comment about his height. He wasn't that short.   
  
"Really?" One of the guys piped up, blowing smoke out the side of his mouth, "You really do anything? Guys, girls. Doesn't matter how crazy?"   
  
Before Murdoc could even begin to answer, Nick stepped in. "Oh yeah, this crazy little bastard will do anyone and do almost anything you ask of him, just gotta pay." He growled in protest. He hated how Nick made him sound like some two-bit whore, even if that's what he was. To be fair, he was actually more of an escort. He would get paid to actually take people out on dates if they wanted, but mostly women wanted that. Sometimes it lead to sex. Men were more likely just to request sex much more often.   
  
"Wow, cool." The guy gave Murdoc a cunning smile. He looked the guy over quickly, noticing how he wasn’t much taller than him. He also looked to be in his mid-20’s and in fantastic shape. From the shitty light they were standing under, his hair looked to be a dirty blonde, maybe a light brown. It shaped his face nicely. He hated this man's ridiculously handsome face already. Thankfully, Nick let go of his own face.   
  
"Thanks for that glorious introduction Nick." Murdoc spat, as he glared at the guy smiling at him. "By the way, your security did a top notch job at stopping that asshole from nearly killing me." He whipped his face towards Nick. He wasn't originally going to bring it up, but he wanted to release a bit of his pent up anger now.   
  
Nick gave Murdoc a goofy grin. His face was too close, he could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath along with the faint smell of the aftershave from earlier. "Did they now?" Nick asked.   
  
"No! I had to scratch the guys face when he wouldn't stop choking me, then I punched him when he tried it again." He growled, hoping he wouldn't get in trouble for punching a client.   
  
"Well…" Nick mumbled, "You’re still here aren't you? A little roughed up, but here! Alive and well! I'm sorry Murdoc, but he paid a lot. Like… a lot for you. He put a small dent in your debt, Niccals." He gave Murdoc a sly grin. "As a good job, why don't you take the rest of tonight off and tomorrow, yeah? Sound good?"   
  
Murdoc pursed his lips, he was still angry but he wanted to get away from these scrutinizing eyes and get home. "Fine, get off me so I can go home, wanker."   
  
Nick smirked and took his arm off Murdoc, "Okay! See you Friday. Take it easy, you earned it." He laughed and turned back to his group of friends. He saw the guy from earlier still watching him, smoking his cigarette. Murdoc detested the way he was looking at him, so he gave the guy a quick scowl and abruptly turned, making his way back down the alley to the street. He had had enough of psychotic clients for the night. He quickly made his way towards his apartment, back towards the outskirts of town. He purposefully made sure he walked by the spot he'd met Stuart earlier that night. Remembering their exchange put him at ease for the first time since he had talked with Stuart earlier. He hadn’t realized he’d still been shaking slightly. He knew his nerves were shot as the adrenaline finally left his system.    
  
When he reached the corner Stuart had taken a left at, he stopped and looked down the road, wishing Stuart would just be sitting at one of the nearby houses waiting for him. He shook his head, knowing how ridiculous that fantasy was. He turned to the right and continued towards his apartment. It wasn't far from Stuart's shop, thankfully. He had a good excuse to walk by as often as he could, without looking like a creep.   
  
His apartment was a decent place that Murdoc paid a lot for. The landlord was a nice older lady who liked to try to fatten Murdoc up and dote on him. She always commented how thin he was looking and how she never saw him bringing in groceries. She worried he never ate properly, which was actually not far from the truth. Because of this, she always made him large freezable dinners that he'd make last as long as possible. Other than those, his fridge was normally filled with mostly alcohol and maybe one or two other items. Each month he only received enough at work to cover rent and a few food items, the rest going towards his debt. He could have rented something cheaper in town, but he wanted to be as far away from his work as he could physically be while still being able to walk there within a reasonable time. If he tried living closer, he didn't feel comfortable enough to sleep peacefully.   
  
As he climbed the stairs to the fourth floor, he enjoyed how quiet it was. It was about 2 in the morning, no one was awake now. It was a vast difference from being in the club. The music was always going, sometimes moans, laughter, or chatter could be heard through the walls, but Murdoc had learned to tune it all out. When he was met with actual silence, it was surprising peaceful.  
  
He entered his apartment, closing and locking the door behind him. He lived in a small studio that had a single door leading to the bathroom with a toilet, a shower and a small sink with a mirror. His small futon was in one corner, the kitchen in the opposite corner. The lack of furniture covering the room was truly convenient when he was drunk or felt like being lazy. Overall, Murdoc loved this place and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He had always wanted his own place, unable to actually get one till he worked for Nick. He had lived with his father previously, or with friends. If he overstayed his welcome with friends he would sleep in a park. Anything had been better than suffering a night with his asshole of a father. 

He grabbed the money from his jacket pocket and set it on the little table in the middle of the room. It was essentially a card table with folding chairs, but at least it was better than nothing. He sat down and eyed the money a little longer, still unable to believe that guy had left this money for him. After staring for what seemed like hours, he eventually pulled out another cigarette along with the zippo that had his initials.     
  
He laughed at the ridiculous thing. It was absurdly cheesy in Murdoc’s eyes, definitely not something one would give a whore you tried kill. He sniffed and lit the cigarette in his mouth, taking as deep a breath as he could manage. He coughed a little on the exhale, but he loved the feel of the nicotine coursing through him. It helped relax him to the point where he came up with an idea for what to do with the money. He took the stack of notes and stuffed it into a baggy. He took out a few 20 and 50 notes from the pile, then zipped up the baggy, putting it under a loose floorboard in the kitchen where he hid a few important items he didn’t want stolen. He put the notes he’d grabbed into his wallet for later use. The first person he’d go see was his landlord tomorrow, hopefully he’d be able to give her some money for all the times she’d fed him.  

  
He carefully took off his clothes, cautious not to pull on any of the cuts that were starting to scab. He threw his clothes into his laundry basket for washing later. Since he only had a few jeans and shirts, he was happy the guy hadn't ripped the one’s he’d worn tonight. He took a quick shower, cleaning the grime of the day off. He tried not to let the water hit the bruise on his face, with the slightest pressure making it throb painfully. When he finished he took another look at his face in the mirror. His left eye was still badly swollen and bruised, barely allowing his eye to open. The bruises on his neck were much darker now, something he’d have to hide for a few days. He looked like shit, but at least he got paid handsomely this time, both to Nick and himself. Almost made it worth it. Almost.

Murdoc decided to bandage up his chest and leg now that the bleeding appeared to officially stop. He left the bathroom in his underwear, too exhausted to bother drying off his hair. He flopped onto his bed, careful not to hit his eye. His entire body ached and he wished for nothing more than the sweet release of sleep to overtake him and end this horrid night. He looked at his bedside table where an alarm clock was, along with a small lamp and his notebook. The notebook was one of many he had that housed his songs he'd written over the years. He smiled faintly at the thought of sharing them with Stuart, a small flicker of hope for the thought of his old dream becoming a reality. He fell asleep to the thought of finally hearing his music being played on a stage in front of thousands of fans screaming his name, bandmates by his side, and not a care in the world.  


	2. The best way out is always through.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc is excited see Stu again on Saturday. Meanwhile, he has a life to live and a job to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a Robert Frost quote.

Murdoc woke with a groan. His face, neck, chest, and leg were all throbbing. He didn't want to move, but he knew he had to get Tylenol or he'd be miserable all day. He stared at the ceiling, feeling each and every throb of pain radiate out, dissipate, and then start again. The pain was in tune with his heartbeat, slow and steady. After a while, he turned his head to look at his clock by his bed. It was well past noon, but it felt earlier. He had slept horribly, either being woken by pain or nightmares that involved choking him.

His stomach started protesting loudly, demanding to be neglected no longer. He scowled at the ceiling as he thought about what frozen item from his landlord he should heat today, when he suddenly remembered the money he had received last night. He grinned and sat up, quickly regretting the sudden movement.

With another groan, he held his head till the throbbing was more manageable. He was grinding his teeth, trying not to let the pain get to him. He could easily say "fuck it" and lay in bed, but he refused to let that darkness consume him ever again. If it did, he knew he wasn't going to make it out alive this time.

He got off his bed slowly and made his way to his little bathroom that held his Tylenol. After he swallowed a few with some water from the tap, he assessed his wounds as best he could in the little mirror.

“Fuck…” he growled, seeing how the neck bruises were a deeper purple now and his eye was barely able to open. It was a deep purple and black as well. He still could not truly figure out why the guy tried to render him unconscious. He shivered at the thought of what he would have done to him if he'd successfully knocked Murdoc out cold, leaving him vulnerable and at his mercy. His eyes wandered down to his chest at the thought. He couldn't see the cuts as he had them bandaged still, but no blood was seen soaking through so he figured they were fine now. He hadn't cut Murdoc quite as deep as the first time. He cursed himself for being so stupid last night thinking the guy wouldn't do that again. He felt a small pit of anger start in him.

"Why couldn't he just fuck me like a normal human? Bloody psychopath!" He snarled at himself in the mirror. The anger boiled over into a raging fire. _This was NOT the life I was supposed to have!_ Those words played over and over in his head. The anger swelled inside him till it threatened to spill out in the form of tears.

The painful prickling behind his eyes reminded him to calm down. He attempted to slow his labored breathing, forcing himself to take a giant breath, exhaling shakily. He released his white knuckle grip on his sink, something he hadn't realized he was doing, and unclenched his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror again, this time with a more determined look on his face. _I just need to learn from it and move on. I won't survive if I don't,_ he told himself over and over.

When he finally felt calm enough to continue with his day, he got dressed in another pair of dark jeans and a black long sleeve shirt with a turtleneck to hide the bruises. He put his upside down cross necklace on, but put it under the shirt for now. As much as he usually liked to flaunt his religion, he felt the swollen eye might bring its own attention to him today and that was enough for him.

He grabbed his wallet, making sure some of the bills he'd grabbed last night were still there. A part of him was happy to know the money hadn't been part of some fever dream he'd had thanks to the hit to the head. Another part made him feel sick for taking the money. It felt as if he was positively reinforcing that man's sadistic behavior. Ultimately, however, he decided he needed to take everything he could get if he wanted to get the fuck out of this life. If that meant taking money from a psychopath, then so be it.

Murdoc grabbed his black jacket and left the apartment ready to grab some food that he hadn't had frozen for weeks. He appreciated the frozen meals, but he had to have something different once in a while. His go to method when he was desperate was usually conning a client into buying him dinner, but that also required him to have dinner with someone instead of eating alone in peace. After starting this job, he came to appreciate and crave time to himself. A life where your job revolved around constant touching and fondling, sometimes unsolicited, became emotionally and mentally draining.

As he made his way to the first floor, he decided to make a quick stop to see his landlord, Abigail Ehrenfeld. He knew he couldn't fully pay her back for all the meals she provided him, but he had to start somewhere.

Mrs. Ehrenfeld was located on the first floor by the main entrance. She was an older grey-haired lady that loved to greet all her tenants and always made a point to do so as often as possible. She was quite a bit shorter than Murdoc, but she was so sassy for her age, she carried herself like a taller, younger woman. She could easily pull him around and didn't give a shit what anyone thought of her. Because of this, he actually liked talking with her often and she also provided that grandmotherly presence he never really had a chance to experience.

She was pretty tolerable of Murdoc too, which was rare. She was also aware of his job, but didn't judge him for it. When she'd found out, she had asked what his paycheck was. He told her, horrifying her as it barely covered rent. She had tried to lower it, but Murdoc refused to pay her less. They had compromised at her giving him some home cooked meals and he had to stop by as often as possible to chat.

He knocked on her door, then took out two 50 pound notes from his wallet as he waited for her to answer. She opened the door slowly, peering out to see who had knocked. When she realized who it was, she gave Murdoc a heartwarming smile, but then quickly cupped the left side of his face gently with a worried look.

"What happened, honey?" She asked, grabbing a hold of his jacket and dragging him inside before he could answer. He didn't protest as he knew it would be pointless. She made him sit on her couch, which was already occupied by two cats, as she pulled a chair from her dining room table over and continued to fuss over his eye. Murdoc smiled, loving the feeling of having someone actually care for his well-being. It had been foreign and uncomfortable for him at first, but her persistence won out.

He gently grabbed her small hands that were trying to move his bangs out of the way to see the extent of the damage. "I'm fine Mrs. Ehrenfeld. I just got into a scrap with someone is all. It'll heal." He gave her a reassuring smile as she eyed him carefully. He quickly continued, "I, uh, actually wanted to give you this." He placed the notes in her hand and gave her a big smile, hoping his sharp teeth didn't look too menacing. He didn't smile genuinely very often so he hoped he looked as sincere as he felt.

She eyed it curiously, "Are you paying part of your rent early? You just paid though, dear."

"No, this is, um..." He contemplated how to word this just right. If he said it was partial payback for the meals, she'd definitely give it back, "a thank you! A thank you for, um, taking care of me. I appreciate it, really. And I won't take it back, so don't even try." He attempted to sound firm so she wouldn't attempt to give it back. It failed.

"Oh dear, no! I couldn't! You use it to buy some food or clothes. I've seen you do laundry young man, you need more than shirts. Why all the black?" She tried putting the notes back in his hands and he crossed his arms to keep that from happening, continuing to argue that he didn't want it back. Finally, she reluctantly gave up and placed the notes on the table so she could go back to look at his eye. She sat down in front of Murdoc with the chair.

"Let me at least look at the shiner you got." She went back to lifting up his bangs to get a better look. The area around the bruise was sensitive, causing Murdoc to hiss when she gently brushed up against it. "Oops, sorry." She said sympathetically.

"You know, this looks like you may have fractured something, it doesn't look like a normal black eye. How hard did this person hit you?" She asked.

"Hard, two or three times." He grunted. "He was definitely trying to knock me out cold."

“Well,” She replied, "you should go to the hospital, hon. Make sure nothing is permanently damaged." She said as she put the chair back by the table.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I don't like hospitals. I'm sure I'll be fine. My nose turned out alright, didn't it?" He sniggered, but stopped when she gave him a stern look. "What? I'm only joking. I would have winked but it's a little hard with only one eye." She remained unenthused.

He quickly stood up, he knew she would try to make him go if he continued to be a smartass. "How about I promise to go if it seems like something is wrong with it, deal?" He waited to see if that appeased her. She sighed and shook her head.

"Fine, fine. But go immediately if anything is wrong Murdoc." He gave her a warm grin and a nod and made his way out with a wave goodbye. Mrs. Ehrenfeld was the sweetest lady he ever met. He wished he could have given her more money, but unfortunately he needed to start saving in the hopes of paying his father's debt off once and for all. Murdoc made a mental note to ask Nick where his debt was at currently. Every time he tried to ask previously ended with Nick running off to take care of something. He hasn't gotten an answer in a while.

He left the apartment building, happy to see how warm it was with the sun actually making an appearance. These kinds of days were few and far between in London, so he was glad to take advantage of it. He pulled out a smoke and remembered the lighter he'd been given, pulling it out of his jacket pocket. He ran his thumb over his initials engraved on it. Something about it was off to him still, but he couldn't figure out what yet. He thought about tossing the damn thing into the trash, but he couldn't seem get himself to throw away such a nice lighter. He stuffed it back in his pocket after lighting his cigarette, agreeing to worry about it later.

He made his way to the nearest diner. He sat at a booth in the corner, grabbing the menu. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten at an actual diner, his stomach growling in excitement at everything on the menu. Murdoc's good mood was interrupted by a young chipper black haired waitress ready to take his order. His face had been hidden by the menu, so when he'd set it down she gave a dramatic gasp from the sight of his bruised eye. This drew the attention of other patrons in the diner. He frowned deeply, scowling at her and everyone else.

"What happened to your eye, sir?!" She asked with a peaked curiosity. She leaned over the table to get a better look from the front. Murdoc gave a deep throaty growl, hoping it'd let her know he was starting to get pissed. Normally he would have tried flirting with a girl this cute, but he wasn't in the mood for it at the moment.

"Lost a fight. You should see the other guy. He's much bigger and stronger than me, apparently.” He replied plainly.

"Really?!"

 "No, now are you going to take my order or should I keep lying to you? Because obviously it's not any of your damn business how I got this black eye." Murdoc snapped, causing her to look incredibly embarrassed and taken aback. He didn't feel sorry in the slightest as he was aching all over, and hungry. He was honestly ready to murder someone if he didn’t get some food.

"Y-yes, sir! I'm so, so sorry. What can I get you?" She stuttered as she grabbed her pen and paper out of her apron pocket, clicking the pen to let him know she was ready. He ordered a burger with fries and a water. He handed her the menu, which she took quickly and left.

Murdoc looked out the window, watching the passing cars. His mind wandered as he waited for his food, thinking about last night and how he'd gotten all that money, which he still couldn't fully believe. He imagined all the ways he could spend that money right at this moment on drugs, alcohol, or even a bass; nevertheless, he knew realistically he needed to save it.

Without warning he felt a shiver run down his spine. He felt as if he was being watched. He turned cautiously and surveyed the diner. It was sparsely populated and he saw no one he recognized. All those who had been looking at him earlier appeared to have already forgotten about him and gone about their day. He hunkered down into his booth a little more, unsure if he even wanted to stay anymore. The chill reminded him of when he felt his father's eyes on him as a child. He felt as if he was six again feeling the cold predatory eyes of a creature ready to devour its prey. Another chill ran through him. He was interrupted in his panicked thoughts by the waitress bringing him his food, to which he jumped.

"Here you go! Again, I'm so sorry about earlier, I'm just a curious person. I never meant any harm." She looked upset, waiting for him to say something.

"It's fine, love. Thanks." He said, giving her his best fake smile. He didn't give a shit about her apology, but he was afraid if he didn't say anything she would keep pestering him. She gave him a giddy smile and ran off, obviously back to her good mood again. He rolled his eyes and started slowly eating his food, not really tasting it. His eyes kept wandering around the diner in search of any signs of danger. He couldn't shake the feeling he was still being watched and it soured his stomach. He only managed to eat half the meal before he called it quits.

"Fucking hell." He mumbled to himself. _Maybe I'm just paranoid from last night. The multiple hits to my head could do that, yeah?_ He decided to just take the rest to go and get the hell out of there. After flagging down the waitress, who felt the need to try to chat once again, for a to-go bag, he left as quickly as possible. He didn't feel like heading back to his apartment just yet, so he went towards the closest comfort he could think of, Stuart Pot. The thought of seeing Stuart again made him grin ever so slightly.

As he walked away from the diner, he started to feel safer. He didn't know what the feeling was, but he certainly didn't want to find out. When he reached the correct street, he walked down the opposite side of Stuart's shop. He decided not to go in as his face looked like shit, and he didn't want to scare Stuart by appearing too eager, plus he didn't have his music. Instead he walked into the nearby alley and leaned against one of the buildings, where he could still see the shop but he was slightly hidden. He grabbed another cigarette and lit it, casually puffing on it while he watched the store. He wasn't sure what he was watching for exactly but just as he finished his cigarette, he saw Stuart stroll out the front door of the shop, lighting his own smoke.

Murdoc was able to get a better look at Stuart now that it was day time. His hair was still magnificently blue, coupled with those blue eyes. He wondered why he dyed it that color. He noticed the kid was still as incredibly tall and lanky as he remembered, his suit and tie he wore was probably specifically tailored to fit him perfectly. He remembered the gap in his front teeth when he smiled. _He was cute,_ Murdoc thought.

He was just calmly leaning against the wall enjoying his day, waving at a couple walking by. He had no idea he was being watched. Murdoc laughed bitterly at that thought. He had just had his lunch ruined by that sickening feeling and now Murdoc was doing that to Stuart. He shook his head, disappointed in himself. He gave Stu one last look before turning towards the alley and making his way down it to the other side. He slowly made his way back home, wishing Saturday would come sooner. He bit his lip, looking at the ground as he walked. He prayed to Satan he was getting his hopes up for nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday couldn't come soon enough for Murdoc. He had spent the rest of Thursday and Friday cooped up in his apartment building, writing songs or hanging out with Mrs. Ehrenfeld. He didn't mind hanging out with her, she was actually a fun lady. She was alone save for her two black cats, Elliot and Midnight. Her husband had died years ago, before Murdoc had even gotten a room here. When he went to see her, she would dote on him and he would end up helping her with tasks she needed done around her apartment. He knew fuck all when it came to fixing a leaky faucet or how to hang a shelf but he definitely tried his best, which she appreciated.  

He didn't feel comfortable leaving the apartment building after the diner incident, as he always had the feeling of eyes on him whenever he stepped out to have a smoke. He was worried he was becoming severely delusional. His eye was beginning to heal, the swelling going down slightly but it was still a sickly purple and black. The cuts he'd sustained had scabbed and were starting to heal as well, along with the bite on his lip. He continued to wear his turtleneck as the bruises on his neck were still obvious, starting to turn a sickly yellow and lighter purple. He didn't think he'd still have to work Friday night, but he'd have to show up to prove to Nick he wasn’t fit to work at the moment. Clients tend to dislike when they get someone who looks like they just had their ass kicked.  

He prayed Nick wouldn't make him sit and drink with him instead. He'd shovel drinks into Murdoc and tell him stories about all the adventures he's supposedly been on. Murdoc loathed the man's stories, having heard them all a million times over. At that point, Murdoc would rather deal with a client than listen to another sodding story.

On his way to work he contemplated stopping to see Russ, but the paranoid feeling of being watched was on him again. He figured he better keep his senses as clear as possible in case this wasn't a case of paranoia. When he finally made it to the lounge, he'd practically ran the last two blocks. His heart was racing and he was gasping for air. People gave him concerned looks. _Fuck… I can't keep considering sex as a workout… I’m so out of shape._   

After he managed to catch his breath, reassuring a few individuals he was fine, he looked around the lounge for Nick. He noticed the lounge was incredibly packed tonight, as it usually was on a Friday night. His eyes found Nick in the back with a group of guys. He kept his head down as he made his way over. He stood in front of Nick’s table, once again waiting for him to finish talking and acknowledge him. He noticed one of the guys was staring at him, a small smirk on his face. He looked familiar, but Murdoc didn't bother trying to place where'd he'd seen him before. He wanted to get this over with so he could get back home. After a few minutes, he started to fidget, the man's stare making him grow increasingly uncomfortable and angry.  

Nick eventually turned to Murdoc when he finished telling his story. He gave Murdoc a devious smile. "Well, hello Niccals. How you feeling today?"  

"Not good." Murdoc grumbled, a little upset Nick made him wait for so long. He tried to keep himself from snapping, hoping a good attitude will get him the night off. To help his case further, he was wearing a v neck t-shirt that easily showed his neck bruising. He knew Nick would make Murdoc show him the extent of the damage. He also didn’t have his cuts bandaged anymore for that reason.   

"Yeah, you look like shit." He smirked as a few around them snickered, except the guy staring at him. Murdoc wanted to glare at him, growl, do something that made the guy uncomfortable enough to look away. His steady gaze had a certain lustful and commanding look and that alarmed Murdoc slightly. He'd seen similar stares before in this line of work, it never ended well. His face was a good example of that. 

“Yeah, so… I was hoping I could head home tonight. I don't think anyone will want to look at this.” he pointed to his slightly swollen eye with one hand, his neck bruises with the other. Nick observed him for a minute, then gave Murdoc a devious smile. His heart sank, he knew that smile meant nothing good.  

"Actually…" _Fuck!_ Murdoc panicked as Nick continued, "This guy here paid to have you tonight. Exciting yeah? You met him a few days ago. Remember?" He pointed to the guy staring. That's when it clicked, he'd been the guy that had talked to him in that group the other night, the one Murdoc glared at. His stomach flipped, he was not in the mood for another deviant client just yet.  

"He doesn't mind your face, right Ethan." He turned towards Ethan, who gave Murdoc a charmed smile.   

“Not at all.” 

“Great! It's settled. He already paid so get your ass back there Niccals.” He waved Murdoc off, signifying the end of that conversation. He stood dumbstruck, he didn't think he'd be dismissed so quickly. He hadn’t mentally prepared to work tonight, he felt as if he’d been slapped in the face. He didn't even realized immediately that he was being pulled towards the back room by Ethan.  

Ethan got Murdoc through the door and spun around to face him. "Which room's yours?" Murdoc was still in a slight daze so he pointed to the large one at the end, his usual room. Ethan grabbed his arm again and brought him to his own room.  

After they made it through the door, Ethan practically threw Murdoc onto the bed, slamming the door behind him. Murdoc was incredibly confused by this whole experience happening so quickly, he propped himself up on his elbows, not even bothering to take his clothes off yet. He watched as Ethan pulled his shirt off, throwing it to the side. The guy walked over to the front of him and grabbed a hold his ankles that were hanging slightly over the bed. Murdoc thought he was going to take his boots off, but instead he yanked Murdoc towards him and partly off the bed, forcing him to have to lower himself to the floor and sit with his back against the bed. He was looking up at Ethan with glare, unsure as to what the guy was planning as he towered over Murdoc.   

"What the fuck are you-" Murdoc growled, but was cut off by Ethan's hand shooting down to cover his mouth. He leaned over, his face close to Murdoc's, but didn't say anything. He put his other finger up to his own mouth and gave Murdoc the signal to remain silent, a little shushing sound escaping his lips. Murdoc just watched him.  

When he realized Murdoc wasn’t going to protest, Ethan smiled and moved his hand over to Murdoc's cheek, his thumb running over his lips gently. After a minute of Ethan studying his lips, he pressed inward, his thumb meeting Murdoc's pointed teeth. At this point, Ethan made him look up at him, to which he noticed that lustful look on Ethan’s face again. The man used his thumb to pry Murdoc's mouth open gently, running his thumb over his unnaturally sharp teeth. He wasn't sure what to make of this examination, so he remained still. He could tell he was becoming a little excited, his breathing had quickened and his heart started to race. 

"Stick out your tongue." Ethan commanded. He obediently stuck out his longer than normal tongue, with it reaching just past his chin.

"Holy shit, mate." Ethan laughed. His reaction embarrassed Murdoc a little, causing him to suck his tongue back into his mouth. He shot another glare at the man to let him know he wasn't in the mood for any degradation tonight.

Ethan leaned down and both his hands were suddenly on Murdoc, his left hand's thumb gently prying open Murdoc's mouth, while his other used two fingers to insert into Murdoc's mouth, pressing into his tongue. The sudden invasion caused Murdoc to try to move backwards, but his head was against the bed, rendering his efforts useless.  

"Hold still." Ethan ordered, which caused Murdoc to freeze. He wasn't sure why he listened so well to Ethan's commands. The tone of his voice was very authoritative, but the submissiveness he showed so easily alarmed Murdoc. He usually put up a small fight with most people that wanted to dominate him as he refused to be so willingly fucked, even if that was his bloody job.  

Murdoc could feel Ethan's fingers slide over his tongue towards the back of his throat. Murdoc gagged slightly when he’d reached the back, which only made Ethan's face light up. He pulled his fingers back to the tip of Murdoc's tongue, his fingers tasting faintly of cigarettes. He played with his tongue a little longer, rolling it between his two fingers and covering them in saliva.  

"Your mouth is amazing…" Ethan whispered. Murdoc once again tried to move his head, this time turning to the side in hopes of shaking him out of his mouth. Ethan's other hand shot to Murdoc's chin and pulled his face forward once again, holding him in place. He was stuck, so he let Ethan continue to play with his mouth, switching from his tongue to running his finger over his teeth or back down his throat. 

After a time, Ethan finally pulled out his now extremely wet fingers, allowing Murdoc to close to mouth. Ethan still kept his other hand holding Murdoc's chin in place, squeezing hard if he tried to move. Murdoc sent a glare up at Ethan, tired of the guy playing around.  

“That look right there. I love that look. I can see the spirit still burning in those mismatched eyes of yours.” He was staring at Murdoc, a slight smile on his lips. He was getting pissed, he was not in the mood to get examined tonight.  

"How the bloody hell can you tell I have mismatched eyes?! My other eye can barely open, ya twit." He snarled. He found it harder to talk when his jaw was being held in place, the pressure starting to get a little painful. Murdoc's outburst seemed to excite Ethan, another devious smile gracing his lips again.  

“You're right. I can barely see that eye, but I knew about the eye from Nick. After I paid to have you for the night, he told me all about you. Your long tongue, your pointed teeth, your mismatched eyes… but most of all, that defiant attitude you give. It's funny, actually. I wasn't even going to bother originally. That Nick guy had stopped me and my friends when we were walking through the alley after finished up at one of the nearby pubs. He was clearly drunk and kept talking about his business." Murdoc took this opportunity to try to move again, but Ethan’s hand snapped his head forward again. Ethan acted as if he didn’t notice and continued, "We didn't believe him, thought he was just some drunk asshole pulling our leg. I was about ready to tell him to piss off when the wanker called you over. Thought you were gonna be some drugged up man whore, but instead you had this look that said 'don't fuck with me.' It was quite hot, and blokes aren't usually my thing."  

"Usually?" Murdoc said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  

"Well, I've dabbled a few times, but I don't actively look for guys." Ethan laughed, finally showing a more easygoing side. "But that look, something about it is just so alluring to me," he continued. "I can tell you don't usually put up with a lot of shit, yeah? I heard you say you had to punch the guy that gave you those?"

He finally let go of Murdoc’s chin and pointed to his neck. "Was it the same one who did that to your eye?"  

He clenched his jaw, still slightly bitter about the whole ordeal. "Yeah, fucking prick hit me in the face to try to knock me out I think. Dazed me a bit, so he ended up with the opportunity to do this." He lifted up his shirt, showing Ethan the cuts on his chest.  

"Oh shit." Ethan whispered as he crouched down to look at them better. "He got you good." Murdoc snorted, noticing how Ethan had gone from a dominating client to a bloke he was just calmly having a conversation with.   

“And that's not even all of them.” Murdoc continued, “He got my right thigh as well. Crazy fuck has some type of knife or cutting kink. He did it the first time too. I had been tied up then and bleeding so badly by the end of it, I nearly died. Nick had to actually take me to an emergency room. I told Nick I didn't want to deal with him again." He hissed bitterly. Nick bragged about Murdoc a lot, but didn't seem to actually give a shit about his safety if he let that sick fuck back in here. He wasn’t sure why he was telling Ethan this either, but it was nice to get it off his chest and Ethan seemed interested in the story.    

"What a dickhead." Ethan nodded, his gaze still staring at the cuts.  

"Yeah, so then when the guy was going for my left leg, I managed to get him off of me. He then pinned me down and started choking me. Managed to scratch his face to let up and when he tried to do it again, I punched him as hard as I could and got the fuck out of there." Murdoc shivered, thinking about what could have easily happened that night. He put his shirt back down.  

"Well, lucky for you, I'm not into any of that weird shit or any BDSM for that matter. Just a fan of a good fuck. Sound good, Murdoc?" He gave him a sly smile and stood back up.  

"Sure, but can I ask one thing? What was with the mouth fuck a few minutes ago?" He looked up at Ethan.  

"Oh, yeah. Nick had told me about your teeth and crazy long tongue. Was just curious. Put you in a mood though didn't it? Plus I kind of wanted to see that defiant look again." He winked and stuck his tongue out at Murdoc, who was glowering at him once more. He hated Nick’s big fucking mouth. He hated even more that this guy was turning him on a little.  

"Yup, there it is. Keep doing that, yeah?" Before he could think about it further, he heard Ethan undo his zipper to his jeans and suddenly his cock was in Murdoc's face. Ethan grabbed his chin again to hold him in place as he put it right up to his lips. When Murdoc didn't open his mouth, he brought the hand holding Murdoc's chin up and used his thumb to pry open his mouth again. He left his thumb there as he slid his cock into his mouth slowly. His other hand let go of his dick and he used it to grab onto Murdoc's bangs, pulling them upwards slightly so he could angle Murdoc's head better. He grimaced as he wasn't expecting the sudden hair pulling. This only spurred Ethan on, a wicked smiling pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Without warning, Murdoc felt Ethan slam his cock to the back of his throat, holding it there. This caused Murdoc to try to move his head away again, but was held in place by the hand in his hair, the other holding his mouth open, and the bed behind him. He brought his hands up to Ethan's thighs in hope of being able to push him back slightly, but it ended up being useless. He choked a bit, unable to get any air. His body started to panic, trying to pull away, desperate for air. Finally, Ethan pulled his dick out entirely and let go of his hair, allowing Murdoc to cough and suck in air. Ethan stood there waiting as he caught his breath.  

"What the fuck?! Give me a little warning before you do that mate." He panted.  

Ethan smiled and shrugged, "Sorry."  

Murdoc gave a small growl, "Fuck off, no you're not. You fucking twat." This made Ethan chuckle, his hand coming down to pet Murdoc’s hair gently. _What a fucking odd guy,_ he thought.   

His breathing finally slowed down, to which he could then sit up against the bed again. Ethan was watching Murdoc and lazily running his fingers through his hair as if he was bored.  

"Idiot, how'd you know I wouldn't just bite you?" Murdoc asked.  

"Well, I kinda figured for as long as you've been doing this, you were probably trained not to, yeah?" Murdoc huffed in anger, feeling himself suddenly grinding his teeth. He hated how Ethan made him sound like a dog that was trained, but what he hated more than anything was he was right. Unless he absolutely felt he had to he probably wouldn't bite down on anyone's dick. A habit he’d picked up at this job, he supposed.  

Murdoc snorted incredulously, "Well don't make me have to make you my first, wanker." Ethan laughed again.  

"Fine, fine. Fair enough. Try it again? This time I'll be gentler." He winked at Murdoc, to which Murdoc rolled his eyes sarcastically.  

"Sadistic prick." He chuckled as Ethan brought his cock up to Murdoc's mouth once more, grabbing his bangs again. He stayed true to his word as this time Ethan’s grip was much gentler. He opened his mouth, allowing Ethan in, thankful he went in more slowly. He wrapped his tongue as best he could around it, pleased with the small groan Ethan let out. He could feel him pulling his hair a little harder, but he didn't mind. He moved himself forward and back again, his tongue moving with him and squeezing as best he could.   

He hollowed out his cheeks as he continued to move and massage Ethan's dick with his tongue. He could taste a small amount of precum, letting Murdoc know his technique was working. He smiled and took a deep breath, then went as far forward as he could, putting Ethan's dick as far back as he could go and held it there. Since he'd gone slower this time, he'd prepared his gag reflex so there was minimal choking. He swallowed as best he could, knowing the movements would squeeze his throat tighter. He could feel himself drooling slightly and his eyes started to water. He felt his heart start to beat faster, while he felt his lungs start to warn him he would need air soon. He could tell Ethan was losing it, his grunting and swearing getting louder. He had put both his hands in Murdoc's hair to hold him there as he refused to pull out on his own.  

When Murdoc knew he couldn't take anymore he pulled back all the way from Ethan, gasping and coughing a little, thankful Ethan had let up on the hair pulling. He looked up at Ethan who was breathing harder, a look of excitement in his eyes. The man put his hands back in Murdoc's hair and guided his mouth back to his dick. This time he was the one to move, which made it difficult for him to use his tongue so he gave up and let it hang out slightly. Ethan was not gentle at all anymore, practically slamming himself into Murdoc's throat, causing him to gag a few times. Spit surrounded Ethan's dick and ran down Murdoc's chin. His eyes were watering, his good eye actually losing a tear or two.  

Ethan wasn't even attempting keep quiet anymore, grunting and cursing as loud as possible. He was struggling to breathe again when Ethan suddenly pulled out and let go of Murdoc's hair. He quickly pried Murdoc's mouth open with his thumb, similar to earlier. 

“Stick out your tongue.” Ethan demanded breathlessly. He quickly did so, with it hanging down past his chin. Suddenly he felt sticky, warm ropes of cum land on his face and in his mouth. It was salty and bitter, but Murdoc was used to it by now. It was the aftertaste he hated. It left a coppery flavor he couldn't seem to get rid of.  

"Don't move, don’t swallow." Ethan said between breaths. Murdoc remained still, as Ethan took his thumb and brought what remained on Murdoc's face into his mouth.  

"Now close." He demanded. Murdoc did so, his mouth full of cum, which sat patiently on his tongue. He sucked on Ethan's thumb, looking up at the man as he did so.  

"Shit… that's hot." Ethan said shakily. He had the biggest grin on his face, which Murdoc thought made him look a little insane.  

"Now swallow." Murdoc did so with little hesitation, tasting the coppery aftertaste now. He hoped Ethan would let him get cleaned up in the bathroom before they continued so he could wash his mouth out.  

Ethan backed up a little, letting go of Murdoc and, instead, stroking himself. He was ready to go for round two already. Ethan ran his hand through his sandy blonde hair, the little bit of sweat helping to keep it back, out of his face. Murdoc wished his hair would do that willingly. Instead his sweaty bangs just clung to his forehead, getting into his eyes.   

When Ethan moved far enough away, Murdoc slowly got up, feeling a little stiff from sitting on the floor for so long. Ethan was watching him, that same smile from earlier still on his face while he continued to stroke himself. Murdoc couldn't help but laugh.  

"Cool it, yeah? I know I'm good but your smile's freaking me out."  

Ethan snorted, "Sorry, but that was bloody brilliant and sexy as hell. Another round, yeah?" He went to take a seat at the edge of the bed, watching as Murdoc walked to the closet, once again putting his boots and jacket in the closet, happy he didn't get any cum on them. That smell never seemed to come out of his other clothes unless they got a deep wash, it was awful. 

"Of course there's a round two. I haven't gotten off yet and I doubt you paid that money for a fucking blowjob. Give me a minute." He waved Ethan off as he walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door. He'd noticed his pants feeling a little tighter during that blowjob, so he was glad to get them off. He kept his briefs on, but proceeded to take the rest of his clothes off.  

The bathroom in this place was bigger than his own, a full Jacuzzi bathtub located to one side, a shower on the other. Murdoc thought the tub was absurd, having sex in the thing was impractical. Water was a horrible lubricant, something he’d learned quickly. It did seem to be a favorite for the few female clients he had, however.  

This reminded him to grab one of the bottles of lube in the cabinet behind the mirror. When he closed the mirror, he assessed the cuts on his chest once more, then the one’s on his thigh. He concluded that they were still a bit too fresh to be out during sex so he took some gauze and bandaged both places. He would have done band aids, but that would have required quite a few and looked ridiculous. He was, unfortunately, an expert in first aid after all these years at this place. He easily got the gauze situated around his thigh and chest in a flash then prepared himself for Ethan.  

Murdoc had a set routine of getting ready before sex, and he hated nothing more than when clients tried to fuck that up. His routine differed when it was a man or a woman, obviously, but he still needed it. It not only helped him prepare physically, but mentally as well. Sometimes it helped him from going into a depressed or overwhelmed state on nights when he had multiple clients. Nick was surprisingly good at recognizing when his employees were getting burnt out like that. He'd make them take a break for however long they needed. He learned that was better than finding a dead employee. Murdoc couldn't even count how many times he'd wanted to end it the first couple months he'd been forced into this job.  

He shook himself out of those dark thoughts. He didn't need to think about those moments now, he needed to finish getting ready. When he was finished he remembered to wash his mouth out, finally getting rid of that coppery taste. He finally gave himself one final look into the mirror. He still looked like hell. He noticed a slight nervous shake in his hand, so he took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Even after 6 years he still got slightly nervous. He took a couple more deep breaths, then nodded and left the bathroom.  

He looked towards where he’d last seen Ethan, noticing the man wasn’t there anymore. Suddenly, a hand reached around from behind him and covered his mouth, the other wrapping around his waist and pulling him back into Ethan’s body. After the initial startle, he relaxed and leaned back as Ethan bit down and licked Murdoc’s neck.  

“You ready for some more fun?” Ethan whispered into his ear. Murdoc could feel Ethan pushing his hard dick into the small of his back. He just nodded and moaned in response. He could tell this was going to be fun.      

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Murdoc collapsed on the bed lying on his stomach, exhausted and unsure he could take anymore. He'd cum four times now, one of which had been from a blowjob from Ethan. That had been a welcomed surprise to him, but Ethan said he wanted to try so who was he to deny him? He did a shit job, obviously inexperienced, but at least he tried. He could feel Ethan had collapsed onto his back, panting hard. He pulled out of Murdoc and rolled over next to him so he was looking at the ceiling, trying to slow his breathing.

"Christ, Murdoc." He panted. Murdoc chuckled, he was happy tonight ended surprisingly well. Much better than he had originally expected.

"Everything you hoped and dreamed of? You came four times, so I assume it was good." He stretched a little, then rested his head on his arms to look at Ethan.

"Well yeah, I had to get my money's worth. If I could, we'd be doing it five more times. I'm so fucking tired though." Ethan rubbed his face, as if to make his point and rub the exhaustion from his face.

"Ambitious…" Murdoc joked, a huge grin on his face. He's glad he wasn't the only one tired, he was worried he was getting old.

"So…" Ethan said, interrupting his thoughts. He put his hands behind his head as he continued to gaze up at the ceiling. "I heard Nick talking about a debt. Is that why you're here?" He then turned his head so he was looking at Murdoc.

"No, actually. This place offers great health benefits." He said with a straight face.

Ethan snorted. "Really?"

"No, you wanker. Of course that's why I'm here." He smirked as Ethan laughed and went back to looking at the ceiling.

"Asshole. So how much you got left? You should be close right? 6 years is a long time.”

"I'm not sure, actually. I’ve been meaning to ask Nick. My father had borrowed a couple hundred thousand in total and that's what I'm paying back, so…" he gave a halfhearted shrug. He wanted to know but he was a little nervous to find out. If the sum was still quite large, he knew he might have to give up ever making it out of here, and that thought scared the hell out of him.

“Holy shit, seriously? That much? Makes me wonder how much that guy from the other day paid to 'put a dent in it' as Nick said." Ethan had sat up and was looking at Murdoc.

Murdoc thought about it. "Good point. I'm not sure. I can imagine that asshole paid a lot though. He nearly tried to kill me, something I'm sure he's done to others. He knew he had to offer something Nick wouldn't refuse." He sighed, wishing more than anything he'd never have to see that guy again, but knew that was highly unlikely. Then he remembered the gifts and thought of getting a second opinion on what the gifts might mean. He second guessed telling Ethan about the money, however, and decided to only discuss the lighter.

"He gave me a couple gifts, one of which was a zippo lighter with my initials engraved on it. Is that weird?" Murdoc asked.

"Ha! Seriously? Yeah, that's a little weird, especially since he assaulted you first. Was the other gift personal like that?” Murdoc only nodded.

“You may have gotten yourself a fan." He winked at Murdoc when he saw him frown. Murdoc wasn't sure what to think about the situation. Getting a second opinion just made it more real and more terrifying for him.

Murdoc buried his head into his arms. He knew he needed to get the hell out of this lifestyle before it really killed him. He tried not to think about it, but it was hard not to let those thoughts consume him.

He felt Ethan get off the bed, hearing a grunt from him as he stretched. A sudden hard slap to Murdoc’s ass caused him to yelp. He turned around, a glare on his face.

"There's that face!" Ethan chuckled. "I'm gonna head out. Glad we met, I had fun. You'll definitely see me around Niccals! Take care and stay safe man." He gave a half-hearted wave after he got dressed and left, to which Murdoc replied with a wave of similar enthusiasm.

He put his head back down, but tried not to fall asleep. He knew he needed to go take a shower and clean up. He decided that he’d probably just try to sleep here. He usually didn't sleep well, but it was better than walking home this late, especially with that feeling of being followed he was having lately. He would just head home early tomorrow and change before meeting Stuart.

He couldn't help but be a little excited to see Stuart. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up, but the thought of creating music again made it hard. It was his true passion he’d had to suppress for so long and his ticket out of this hell hole. He just hoped Stuart could actually sing and wasn't fucking with him. Murdoc didn't get that vibe from the kid, however.

After a moment of fighting with himself over whether to just go to sleep or shower, the need for a shower won out. He begrudgingly got up and showered. He could tell he would be a bit sore tomorrow. That tosser had too much energy for Murdoc, but he had to admit it'd been fun. He wouldn’t mind hanging out with Ethan again.

After showering, he made sure his door was locked and crawled into the bed. The bed itself was incredibly comfortable, the blankets incredibly warm. If it wasn't for the background bass from the club and muffled moans from next door, one wouldn't think they were in a whorehouse.

Murdoc found himself tossing and turning all night, unsure how much sleep he actually managed to catch. He could never get the full comfortable feeling of safety when he was here, which usually was the main reason for the lack of sleep. When he'd first started, Nick had made him live and sleep here in one of the smaller rooms. At the time, Nick obviously wanted to make sure Murdoc didn't run; however, he'd learned quickly that Nick would find Murdoc no matter where he tried to hide. The consequences were never fun. Eventually, He accepted his role here and Nick let up on his leash. That's when he'd bought the apartment and demanded a small paycheck so he could continue to stay in it. Nick gave in as he realized that Murdoc was a pain in the ass to be around 24/7.

After what seemed like days, Murdoc looked at the clock. It was early morning and he knew the sun was up, allowing him to walk home now. He hadn't got much sleep but he figured he could catch a few hours of sleep before going to see Stu. He got up and got dressed, feeling the soreness he knew he'd have in his hips. He walked out into the quiet hallway, everyone was either gone or asleep. He also noticed that the sounds of the bass had ceased at some point during the early morning when the club had closed.

He yawned as he entered the lounge. It was empty as well, save for a few of the morning cleaners that were vacuuming and wiping down tables. He gave a few a nod as he walked by when they turned to look at him. Even if he didn't know them personally, they all knew who he was. He had been there five times longer than most employees were and he was the closest employee to Nick. He was also the only one to usually talk back to Nick, everyone else was afraid of the twat for obvious reasons.

He made his way outside, the sun shining just over the nearest top of the building, straight into his face. He squinted and breathed in the morning air. He could hear the city starting to wake up, a few small groups were walking the road, probably going to breakfast. Breakfast was something Murdoc's stomach suddenly demanded, but he knew he would have wait till he got home.

After the hour long walk, he was never so relieved to make it home. It was still quiet here, people either just now getting up for their coffee and paper or still asleep. Mrs. Ehrenfeld was nowhere to be seen when he entered, so she must be out already. Murdoc knew she didn't sleep well, usually getting up extremely early to "make sure she didn't miss anything" as she seemed to put it. That's how she had found out about his job, when he would walk in at the crack of dawn. He tried to keep her out of his business, thinking she would be a typical prude, cranky old woman that would kick him out of her building. He couldn’t have been more wrong, however, when he'd come in one morning with a busted body from a particularly aggressive client. She had quickly pulled him into her apartment, despite his protests. He may or may not have broken down in front of her that morning, something he was thankful she never brought up again.

He walked up to his apartment and grabbed his key. He went to unlock the door, but found it was already unlocked. He thought back to yesterday when he'd left, playing back in his memories if he'd locked the door or not. He could have sworn he did. A sense of dread suddenly filled him as he slowly opened the door and peered inside. His apartment appeared empty, everything in its place. He relaxed and locked his door, assuming he'd just forgotten yesterday.

He didn't even bother to undress, he just went to his bed and flopped down onto it. The hour long walk with sore hips killed him and he knew he needed to catch some sleep or he'd be miserable later.

After getting a few hours of decent sleep in, he finally ate. He then changed into a turtle neck and checked himself in the mirror before leaving. He hoped Stu didn't ask too many questions about his eye. If he let slip he was a glorified prostitute, the kid may not feel comfortable working with him. Murdoc knew from experience that people looked at him differently when they found out. He'd lost a few good friendships over it.

He took a deep breath, grabbed a few of his song filled notebooks and left. Double checking that he locked his door this time. He walked quickly towards Stu's work despite the ache in his hips, the excitement and nervousness making him feel jittery. He hadn't felt like this in years, it was exhilarating.

He had to stop and make himself slow down before he walked in front of the shop. He didn't want to scare Stu by looking like a spaz. He also took the time to release the death grip he had on his notebooks. He calmly walked to the door and strolled in. He looked around, thrilled to see all the musical instruments, mainly keyboards and pianos. It was truly beautiful and Murdoc could feel his heart beating faster. A place like this is where he belonged and the reminder made him all the more determined to have it.

He looked around, noticing the place was pretty dead, the only employee looked to be Stu and he currently had his back to the door, playing on one of the keyboards. A bunch of mixed electronic sounds coming from it, to which he played a small melody with. Murdoc was impressed with the small sample he heard, less impressed with his lack of situational awareness. He walked up, standing slightly behind the kid and waited a moment to continue listening before clearing his throat, letting the boy know he was there.

This startled Stu as he gave a small jump and squeak of surprise. He quickly fumbled around to shut off the keyboard, finally flipping around in his seat. He relaxed and grinned when he saw it was Murdoc, but quickly wore a look of worry when he saw Murdoc's eye. He suddenly became more nervous.

"Murdoc! I'm happy you're here but what happened to your eye? It looks painful..." Murdoc felt anxious under Stuart’s inquisitive eyes. Stu stood up and he remembered just how tall the kid was, begrudgingly having to look up more.

He put on a quick smile and said, "No, I'm fine, mate! Just got into a scrap is all!"

This excuse didn’t appear to put Stuart at ease, "Are you sure? I've never seen a black eye look so bad before. Mind if I look?" He put his hand up but stopped halfway, seeming to notice Murdoc's uncertainty. He quickly continued "My mum's a nurse, I just wanted to look at it closer and maybe I can have her look at it, yeah? Your hair is just in the way."

Murdoc looked from Stu, to his partially outstretched hand, and back to him. "S-sure. Go for it."

Stu smiled and reached out to Murdoc's forehead, pushing his bangs back so they were out of the way. He liked the feeling of Stu's hand against his forehead. His hands were surprisingly gentle and warm. The kid was inspecting and studying Murdoc’s eye intensely, which he hoped was enough to distract Stu from seeing the small blush creeping onto Murdoc's cheeks.

Stu took his hand of Murdoc's forehead. "It looks pretty bad. Want to have my mum look at it?"

Murdoc fixed his bangs and shook his head. "I'm okay Stu, thanks though." He held up the notebook and smiled, "Shall we start?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a good chapter to reveal a bit of Murdoc's past show how he generally handles things. I could have honestly added so much more, but I also didn't want to make it too long. There's always more chapters and more opportunities. Anyways, hope you like it so far. ^w^;


	3. Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc learns a little bit about the people around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title by Jennifer Brown

Murdoc was left speechless when he heard Stuart sing. He hadn't expected the kid with the thick cockney accent to sing so beautifully, and to be singing the songs he wrote. He wondered why this kid wasn't singing in a band already. He could provide Murdoc the out he needed from this life, he actually gave him a little bit of hope. He was so submerged in his thoughts, he hadn't realized Stuart was standing in front of him with a bass.   
  
"Murdoc? Hello?" He waved a hand in front of Murdoc's face, which caused him to jump slightly. He looked up at Stu, then to the bass in his hands.   
  
"Oh, sorry Stu." He grabbed the bass, staying seated as he nestled it onto his lap comfortably. Murdoc looked back up at the kid as he went to another seat across from him. "You're voice is amazing! You play the keyboard magnificently. I-I honestly don't even know what to say. Where the hell were you six years ago, mate?"   
  
Stuart smiled at him and laughed, "I would have been 14 Murdoc, and you really think so? That's really nice of you to say, I think your lyrics were quite nice. Very original, but I don't know if I sang them how you were intending. I'm more of a punk kind of singer and I feel like that might not be what you want." He watched Murdoc as he started plucking the strings, creating a small bass line. Murdoc hadn't played in years, his calluses he had previously built up were gone and his memory of certain songs were faded, but muscle memory allowed him to play something coherent at least. He played the bass line to The Clash's "Guns of Brixton".   
  
Murdoc shook his head, looking from his fingers to Stu. "No, it's alright. You made it work and that's what matters. To have someone sing them at all is more than I imagined would ever happened." He fumbled with the notes, he could tell he was playing off key but he couldn't remember all the correct notes. He got frustrated and stopped before he got too angry. He held it out for Stuart to put back, he’d wait a little longer before trying the bass again.  
  
Stuart got up and grabbed the bass and set it back on the stand, "Well, I'm happy I got to sing them for you, you're a great writer. You also play bass nicely, when was the last time you played?"   
  
Murdoc sniffed, "It's been about four years I think." He looked down at the pads of his fingers on his left hand. They were slightly red and throbbing, a bitter sweet feeling he hadn't felt in years. He needed to build up those calluses again, but first that would require enough money to buy a bass.     
  
Stuart sat across from him again, his seat was facing the door in case any customers came in. Surprisingly, Stuart only had to help about seven customers over the four hours he'd been there. This place was not a very busy place apparently. This was the greatest place in the world for Murdoc at the moment and time flew too fast here. He had started of their practice session by asking the kid to sing a few of his songs, taking input and writing everything down that he suggested. He wouldn't necessarily take all of the kid’s suggestions but it didn't hurt to keep them.   
  
"Why did you stop playing?" Stuart asked. He was watching Murdoc, making him feel a little uncomfortable. He just shrugged in response.   
  
"I had debts to pay." Was all Murdoc could say. He wasn't going to go into detail about his shitty life story with this kid he just met. He was determined to keep his job a secret as well.   
  
Stuart seemed to sense Murdoc's hesitation to go into detail, so he changed the direction of the topic. "W-well, since we seem to work good together, would you be interested in practicing more? Maybe not tonight since I need to start closing soon, but later this week? I'd like to see what we could do." Murdoc nodded in agreement.   
  
"Sure, I'd like that." He stood up and went over to grab his notebooks, when Stuart set his hand on them first.   
  
"Would you mind if I kept these for now?" He gave Murdoc a warm smile, picking up one of the notebooks and flipping through the pages again. He didn't answer as he was unsure as to why Stuart wanted to keep them. He also wasn't sure he trusted this kid just yet to keep these notebooks safe for him. Stuart tried to reassure him after he didn't answer.   
  
"I-I just wanted to practice some more, if that's all right? I can just copy them and give them right back, yeah? How about tomorrow? I can meet you somewhere and I can give them back and we could get some coffee or tea or something! I can give them to my mum to copy at her work tonight." He rambled on, giving Murdoc a curious, almost pleading look.   
  
Murdoc decided it'd be alright if he let Stuart borrow them for the night. It'd give him a chance to see the kid again tomorrow. He hadn't hung out with anyone outside work, besides his land lord, in ages. He also knew it'd be a good opportunity to get to know Stuart better. He slowly nodded, to which Stuart's face lit up.   
  
"We can grab some coffee tomorrow and you can give them back then. They better all be there kid." Murdoc warned him. Stuart nodded enthusiastically and went to put them in his bag. Murdoc smiled at the kid’s enthusiasm. No one had ever been so excited to read his music before, it was an odd situation for him, but one he welcomed.  
  
"So where and when would you like to meet?" Stu asked as he finished putting the notebooks away. He looked back to Murdoc, leaning against a nearby counter.   
  
Murdoc shrugged, "I dunno, that park nearby good? Around three work for you?" He had no idea when people generally got coffee or tea, he hardly drank the stuff unless he had alcohol in it.   
  
"Perfect. My mum works the night shift so she'll have the books to copy for me tonight and is back tomorrow around noon. It'll give me enough time to get them back to you. Thanks Murdoc. I'm really glad we got this chance to meet. I think we have something good going on, yeah?"   
  
Murdoc gave a slight grin and nodded. "I think so too. With your god-like voice and my music writing prowess, I really do think we have something. Take care and I'll see you tomorrow Stu." He gave Stuart a nod and a small wave as he made his way to the door. He then shouted back to the kid without looking at him. "Take care of those books kid, or I'll kill ya!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever!" He heard Stu shout back with a laugh. Murdoc just chuckled. He made his way back to his apartment, a smile plastered on his face the whole way. He couldn't believe this was happening. He finally found a singer, and a good one at that.   
  
He walked back in the cool evening air. It wasn't very dark out yet, he thought about possibly going out to drink tonight, but that would also require him to walk back into town and he wasn't in the mood for that. Walking that far drunk sucked. It was days like today he wished he owned a TV or even a radio. Going back to a silent apartment was daunting, hence why he visited Mrs. Ehrenfeld often. He pulled out and lit a cigarette, taking his time on it, while also flicking opening and snapping shut the lid to the zippo lighter. 

His possible future ran through his mind. The thought of grabbing other members needed to make a band, playing a few gigs and getting signed, and then making an album. If it sold well, he could pay off his debt and leave this fucked up life behind him for good. No more psychotic clients, no more Nick, and no more living off scraps. He'd have a new life, and a new chance. He flicked the zippo lighter in thought the entire way back to his apartment, a smile spreading across his face at the thought of a new life.  
  
He kept the smile on his face as he made his way into his apartment complex, stomping on the cigarette butt he had before entering. He saw Mrs. Ehrenfeld standing near her door and gave her a wave. It wasn't very late, so it wasn't a surprise to still see her up. He became slightly nervous, however, when she didn't wave back. She looked a bit worried, calling him over.   
  
"What's going on?" Murdoc asked, looking around to see if anyone else was around. When he got close enough, she grabbed onto his jacket gently, pulling him inside her apartment so she could close the door, but didn't guide him to take a seat. This troubled him more.   
  
"Murdoc dear. Your friend stopped by, he said he came to see you but you weren't here. He asked me where you had gone and I told him I didn't know. I thought I should tell you in case you were expecting him. He seemed… upset.”  
  
"Do you know who it was?" Murdoc asked, a feeling a panic clawing at his nerves. Nick had never come to his apartment, and he was sure no one else knew where he lived. He had no known friends he could think of besides Stu or Russ at the moment, neither of them knew where he lived nor would they bother coming to see him. He clenched his jaw as Mrs. Ehrenfeld shook her head.   
  
"Was it a big ugly blonde prick wearing a suit?" He could feel his heart beating a bit faster, his adrenaline kicking in. He prayed it was Nick, as that would be easier to explain than a stranger. He bit his lip as she shook her head once more.   
  
"No, I couldn’t tell exactly who it was. I'm sorry honey. He had on an over sized hoodie and a baseball cap." Murdoc tried to swallow, his throat feeling dry suddenly. _This didn't sound troubling at all_ , he thought sarcastically. He wasn't sure if this person was related to his door being unlocked the day before or not, could be a coincidence. He had had to deal with people like this when he had first ‘inherited’ his father’s debt. The people he'd borrowed from had pestered and harassed Murdoc at his home constantly. They had threatened and even assaulted him a few times.   
  
"Well, he left right?" He finally asked. He felt as if his heart stopped when she shook her head once more.   
  
"No. He went up to, I assume, your apartment, but that was an hour ago. Do you think-" He didn't wait for her to finish. He slammed open her door and ran up the steps two at a time as fast as he could go. If they were still up there, then he could confront them and see what the hell they wanted.  
  
By the time he reached the fourth floor, he was completely out of breath. He took a minute to catch it before taking off down the hallway, noticing no one was waiting anywhere by his door. He slowed down as he reached his door, noticing it was closed, and pausing a moment to try to hear inside his apartment. If they hadn't come back down through the front, they had to have entered one of the apartments. He put his ear against the door and was met with only silence, apart from his unsteady, heavy breathing. He wasn't sure if silence was a good or bad thing.   
  
He slowly reached for the door knob. He attempted to steady his shaking hand. Murdoc knew he had left with the door locked, so it should still be that way. He hesitated before trying to turn the knob, dread filling him as the knob turned completely and he was able to push the door open. He only cracked the door open enough to look around, just in case he needed to close it and run.   
  
He looked around his apartment, unable to see anything out of the ordinary. He kept his guard up, however, since he still needed to check the bathroom and closet. He could tell immediately that nothing was missing, the perk of owning almost nothing. Another perk was the place was incredibly small and hard to hide in. He checked the bathroom and closet and found no one.   
  
Even though he didn't find anyone now, he was still incredibly nervous. Someone **had** been in here, he could feel it in his gut, which left him feeling vulnerable and on edge. He sat on his bed, looking around still, as if the person would suddenly appear. _Maybe they went to another apartment and I did forget to lock my door?_ he thought, questioning himself. He was shaking slightly and he felt sick. He hadn't felt like this in a long time, it was an unpleasant feeling he thought he wouldn't have to experience ever again.   
  
He thought back to the days when he'd been harassed over his father’s debt. He remembered when it'd first started and he'd been out drinking with friends. He had come back to his house and a few guys would be waiting for him. Scared the hell out of him and he was too drunk to comprehend the seriousness of the situation. A few smartass quips got him a couple punches into the abdomen and face.    
  
He resolved to get this problem dealt with now, regardless of who it was. He wasn't going to live in fear like this, he'd take control this time. He stood up and made his way back down to Mrs. Ehrenfeld, who was waiting for him outside her door again.   
  
"Are you okay Murdoc? Were they up there?" She asked as he guided her back into her apartment and shut the door behind him.   
  
"No, but my door was unlocked. Same thing happened yesterday. I think… someone has a duplicate key to my apartment. Can we replace the locks soon?" He felt a little relief when she nodded immediately, asking no questions.   
  
"Of course, of course! I'll call someone to do it immediately tomorrow. Unfortunately, I can't have it done tonight but first thing tomorrow! If you feel uncomfortable, you can stay in my spare room tonight hon." She grabbed his arm and started bringing him to her kitchen table. He didn't protest, hesitant to go back to his apartment anyways. She sat him down and started making him tea. He hated tea but he never told her that.   
  
"I think I'll be okay, but I'll hang out here a little bit if that's fine? It's still pretty early." She nodded in agreement. He made an attempt to relax, releasing the tension built up in his shoulders and back. The adrenaline was wearing off and he suddenly felt exhausted. He was staring at the table, his thoughts racing through his mind. He was interrupted by Mrs. Ehrenfeld setting a cup of hot tea down in front of him. He gave her a small smile and grabbed the cup, taking small sips. He tried not to let his thoughts consume him, otherwise he'd probably never go back up to his apartment.   
  
He ended up staying at Mrs. Ehrenfeld's apartment for a few hours. She let him watch TV with her, filling his mind with other things and for that he was grateful. He knew he needed to go back to his apartment eventually, though. He finally got up and, after bidding Mrs. Ehrenfeld a good night and thanking her for the help, he slowly made his way back to his place. He closed and locked the door, all the good that would do. He grabbed one of the kitchen chairs and set it against the door, under the knob. He wasn't sure how well that would hold, but it made him feel slightly better at least.   
  
He looked around his apartment again, checking the bathroom and his closet one more time. Every sound made by neighbors or the building itself set his heart racing time and time again. Needless to say, he got barely any sleep that night, becoming increasingly irritated.    
  
His nerves were so shot by morning, he almost didn't recognize the knocks at the door. When he noticed them on the second round of knocks, he didn't get up right away to answer them. It wasn't until he heard Mrs. Ehrenfeld's voice on the other side that he opened the door. He was greeted by her worried smile and a man with what looked to be a tool kit. Murdoc glanced back at his clock, noticing it was half past eight in the morning, Murdoc was impressed at how quickly she called someone to change the locks.   
  
"Murdoc, honey. You look awful, you didn't get a wink of sleep last night did you? Come on, let me make you some food." She brought him over to his table, but he made sure to sit down to where he could keep an eye the man changing the locks. With the paranoia and exhaustion mixed together, he wasn't ready to trust anyone. He was interrupted by Mrs. Ehrenfeld's comments about his fridge.   
  
"Good Lord, Murdoc. It's worse than I thought!" He turned to look at her horrified face as she looked in his fridge. She shut it and opened the freezer, tutting in disapproval. He just watched, he had no energy to argue or try to hide it. He looked back at the locksmith working on his door, keeping an ear open for her instead. He could hear her looking through his cupboards and drawers, but he already knew she'd find nothing.   
  
"Murdoc! Young man, I am going to go buy you some food right now! You have nothing! Except beer and the food I made you. You can't live like this at all, we talked about this." She said sternly, walking up next to him. He couldn't look up at her, slightly embarrassed about disappointing her and getting chewed out in front of this stranger. It was also embarrassing that she wanted to buy him food, like he couldn’t take care of himself at all.  
  
"I'm fine." He mumbled, he'd normally put in more effort to defend his eating habits, but he didn't have the strength. Suddenly, a hand was slammed down angrily in front of him. He jumped and sat frozen, watching the hand of Mrs. Ehrenfeld as it stayed glued to the table in front of him. Even the locksmith stopped for a second, continuing with his job when be realized it wasn't his business.   
  
"Murdoc, look at me." He kept his eyes on her hand. "Now." She said sternly, to which he then looked up into her eyes. She looked angry and upset. This was a whole other side Murdoc had never seen before, it frightened him a bit. In the five years he'd known her, she'd never once raised her voice or demanded him to do anything.   
  
"You listen here. I am going to go get you food. Decent food. You will take that food and you will eat that food. Do you understand me? I will not stand by and let you eat nothing but frozen dinners and beer!" She raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for him to answer. He wasn't sure how to react other than surprised and slightly frightened, so he simply nodded.   
  
She then smiled at him and gave him a hug. He remained on edge as she did so, his nerves still fried. Her sudden and unusual outburst followed by a sudden undeserved hug did not help. She stood up straight and put her hands on his cheeks, staring at his face. This entire interaction had become bizarre and foreign to him, he still didn't know what to say.   
  
She ran her right hand up and gently moved his bangs away from his face so she could observe his bad eye. "Have you had any more trouble with this?"   
  
He couldn't shake his head so he just whispered, "No." She gave him a heartwarming smile, reverting back to her more familiar personality. She continued to take a look at his eye, moving his head around for a better view as she did so.   
  
"You remind me of my grandson. He was a little younger than you. Would have been 27 this year…" He studied her face, now seeing it turn from heartwarming to sad in a single sentence.   
  
"Can I ask what happened?" He hoped this wouldn’t offend her, but he was curious. She had never mentioned having a grandson, she never usually discussed her family at all. She continued to have her hands on his face and forehead, the hand on his cheek had the thumb moving up and down in a constant motion. She was obviously lost in her memories, not realizing what she was doing, but he didn't stop her.   
  
"Seven years ago, he had some issues regarding his parents, began hanging out with a rough group of people. He started getting into drugs. His parents took him to rehab so many times and it never seemed to hold. He eventually overdosed nearly a day after leaving a rehab program he'd been in for three months. I won't bore you with details sweetheart." He could see her eyes getting watery. He felt bad for her, yet uncomfortable with the emotions. He was never good at comforting people, so he hope that rubbing his cheek helped as she continued to do so.  

  
"I've just come to appreciate having you in my life Murdoc. You've had it rough, but I've always admired how you persevered through it all. I would really hate to lose you and I don't think I could forgive myself if something happened to you because I stood to the side and did nothing." She leaned down and kissed his forehead, tears streaming down her face.   
  
He was heartbroken and touched by how much she actually cared about him, however; he had not prepared for this kind of emotional event, nor did he know what to do. His nerves were so frazzled, he couldn't even think of anything encouraging to say to her. All he could think to do was stand up and give her a hug, which she seemed grateful for.   
  
As Murdoc was giving her a hug, he looked over at the locksmith to see where he was on the entire process. Turns out, he was done and waiting for their hug to finish so Mrs. Ehrenfeld could sign the papers and get the new set of keys. He frowned at the guy, it was one thing to have your landlord frighten the hell out of you by yelling then cry at you, it was a whole other thing when there's an audience.   
  
"Do you mind asshole?" He growled. He didn't know how long she wanted to hug him, but he was way past the limit already. He was becoming grouchy, but there was no way he was going to direct it at Mrs. Ehrenfeld.   
  
"No, Murdoc, it's okay." She released their hug and walked over to the guy with a bright, warm smile. Even though she had released him from the hug, he continued to stand there confused. _All that emotion started because I didn't have a stocked fridge? Now she's fine. Why won't she yell at this prick?_ he shook his head. He had no idea how to process these thoughts so he just simply pushed them away like he usually did. The hug had been nice, but if he started expecting that more he knew he'd be sorely disappointed.   
  
He watched as she signed the paper and took the new set of keys from the man, keeping a spare for herself. She then walked up to him with the keys, grabbing his hand and placing them gently in his palm. She held his hand for a moment and smiled at him.   
  
"Sorry, hon. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm still going to go get you groceries though. I'm not going to just let you slowly kill yourself with an improper diet.” He bit his lip. He didn't want to trouble her at all, so he knew what he had to do.   
  
"That's okay, I've got to go see someone later. I'll grab some then okay?" When she didn't seem convinced he added, "Promise! You can even come see, yeah?" This seemed to satisfy her enough as she let go of his hand and nodded.   
  
"Fine, but hear this Murdoc. If you don't I will be very upset!" She appeared serious for a moment then smiled warmly at him. He smiled back nervously.   
  
"Thank you, Mrs. Ehrenfeld." He said and to that she nodded and left. He went to the door and tried the new locks. They seemed to work well and the two of them were the only ones with a key. He was surprised at how much more at ease he felt now. He went back to his bed and positioned himself to look towards the ceiling contemplating about what just happened.    
  
"What the fuck was that?" He mumbled. He felt embarrassed about making her upset, but he also felt touched. No one's ever given a fuck about him, especially enough to encourage him to eat better. Plus no one has ever said they'd hate to lose him. It was all an odd and strangely wonderful feeling.   
  
He ended up getting a little more sleep, finally feeling safer in his own apartment, before he had to go see Stuart. He even bothered showering and eating a bit. He didn't know how long he'd be out with the kid, a part of him hoping they could hang out a while. He hadn't hung out with a friend outside of work in years. He'd been doomed to a life of work and home since all his supposed friends left him and he refused to hang out with Nick. Last time Murdoc did that, he got black out drunk and woke up in Glasgow with the guy. He had to suffer a nearly 8 hour car ride back to London with him, with a hangover as well.    
  
He also remembered to grab some more money from his stash before leaving. He didn’t want to find out what would happen with Mrs. Ehrenfeld if he forgot to buy a few groceries. He took one final look in the mirror, making sure his turtleneck continued to hide the bruises on his neck. His eye was looking a little better and the cuts were healing nicely, although still scabby. They'd be scars but that didn't matter to him, just more to add to his collection. He made sure the door was locked before leaving, and made his way to the agreed upon meeting place. Thankfully it wasn't raining today, but it was still slightly cloudy, leaving a slight chill in the air.   
  
Murdoc arrived a little early to the park, so he sat on a bench and waited. He lit a cigarette and casually puffed on it. He became slightly anxious thinking Stuart wasn't going to show up. He knew he held a fragile position in this group they were forming, him needing Stuart a lot more than Stuart needing him. If Murdoc could sing then he wouldn't need to rely on this kid at all, but he wasn't a fool. He knew his deep raspy voice, while charming, couldn't form a tune to save his life. He'd come to terms with that years ago.   
  
"Hello, Murdoc!" His thoughts were interrupted by a chipper Stuart sitting and sliding right up next to him on the park bench, beaming at him.   
  
"Why the fuck are you so happy?" He chuckled. He couldn't help but smile a little when he saw the kid grin at him, showing the gaps in his teeth. The kid seemed to have that type of affect on him. Murdoc was a little annoyed with himself at how easy this kid made him smile.   
  
"Because! I got copies of all your songs, the notebooks are in my backpack," he pointed to the bag on his back, then continued, "I tried to at least look at all of them. They're brilliant, Murdoc! How come you haven't had anyone sing these songs sooner?"  
  
He shrugged, "Didn't have the right singer I guess." This made Stuart smile even wider, something he didn't think was possible, bouncing with excitement. It was a little overwhelming for Murdoc, he wasn't sure if he should be acting that excited or not. He couldn't even remember the last time he was ever close to being that excited.   
  
"Let's go grab some tea or something." Stuart suggested, standing up.   
  
"Ugh, I hate tea. I'll take some whiskey in a cup of coffee, yeah?" He stood up next to Stuart, who started giggling and walking off.   
  
Murdoc shook his head and followed, calling out, "I'm not joking!"   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
"Yeah, my dad's a mechanic. He helps with the fair rides and my mum's a nurse. I'm still staying with them for now, I'm trying to save up for an apartment."   
  
Murdoc nodded and listened as Stuart talked. They had found a nice little coffee shop near the park. The atmosphere was cozy and the seats offered a little privacy from others. He was surprised at how decent his coffee tasted too. It would have been better with alcohol, but Murdoc didn't want to push it. He liked listening to the kid talk, saved him from having to try to fill any awkward silence.   
  
"How old are you, Stu?" He asked when there was a pause in the conversation, taking a sip from his drink. He needed to know, hoping Stu wasn't younger than he looked.   
  
"19, but I'll be 20 next month." He gave Murdoc a small smile as he took a sip of his tea. "Actually, my parents usually throw me a small family party. You should come! We're gonna be in a band together, we'll practically be a family." Murdoc raised an eyebrow at Stu. He hated that word. Family. He had never believed in it and he wasn't about to start now. He also thought that if Stu knew he was a prostitute, he would probably think twice about that invite. He cleared his throat.   
  
"Slow your roll, kid. I'm not big on get togethers, and you don't even know if this band's gonna take off. I'm sure it will, but that's not the point. Plus you don't need some 31 year old alcoholic crashing your family get together for your birthday." He was tapping his fingers holding the cup in a steady rhythmic fashion, trying to appear nonchalant about the situation.   
  
"Oh,” He looked a little defeated, “Well, okay Murdoc. I'll just ask you when the date gets closer. We should be good friends by then, yeah?" He perked up, looking at Murdoc expectantly, waiting for an answer. He couldn't help but chuckle from the kid’s enthusiasm.   
  
"Sure, Stu. If you can still stand me by then." He took another sip, a smile still on his lips. That was gone in an instant when Stuart asked the next question.   
  
"So what about you?"  
  
"What about me?" Murdoc grumbled, looking anywhere except at Stuart. He knew what Stuart meant.  
  
"Tell me about you. Where are you from, any family, job, friends, or hobbies? I told you all about mine already." Murdoc contemplated how to be as vague as possible. He couldn't just spill everything to this kid, he'd run screaming. He was biting his lip, hard.   
  
"Y-you don't have to if you don't want." Stu stuttered. "I just thought it'd be good if we knew more about each other, especially if we are going to be hanging out a lot." Murdoc started bouncing his left leg anxiously. He knew the kid was right, but he still couldn’t talk about his life story so easily. He decided to compromise with part truths. He took a deep breath before starting.   
  
"I hate how you're right, Stu. I'll give you a quick cliff notes edition, yeah?" Stuart nodded eagerly, leaning over slightly to listen better. Murdoc continued, "So, I was born and raised in Stoke-on-Trent. My mother left me there on the door step or my father’s place. Bastard decided to keep me for some reason. I hated school, went as little as possible. When school was finally over, I moved as soon as possible. I tried starting a few bands, didn't seem to ever work out. When I was 25 my father borrowed a ridiculous amount of money from some very shady people, then he kicked the bucket, which left me with that debt and I've been working non-stop to pay it off since."   
  
He grabbed a toothpick from the little dispenser at the table, placing the tip in his mouth. He started chewing on the end, wishing it was a cigarette. They'd kick him out if he started smoking in here and he didn't feel like starting anything with Stuart around.   
  
"How big was the debt?" Stuart took another sip of his tea.   
  
Murdoc bitterly laughed. "I honestly don't even remember the exact amount. It was a few hundred grand." He was startled when Stuart started choking on his drink. He set his tea down and leaned over in his chair to continue coughing. After a moment he sat back up, his face red and wrought with worry.   
  
"Holy shit, Murdoc! Are you serious? No wonder you haven't had time to start a band. How much of the debt is left?" He squeaked.    
  
Murdoc shrugged. He really needed to figure that out. "I'm not entirely sure. I'll have to ask my, uh… financial advisor." He hated calling Nick that. He wasn't anymore a financial advisor than he was a doctor.    
  
"What if I helped-" Murdoc held up a hand to stop him.   
  
"No, Stu. I am the only one that's going to pay this debt. Sins of the father and all that bullshit." He waved his hand around then continued, "You, my dear Stuart, can help me by singing those songs. With your voice and my intellect we can make it big!" He slammed his hand down on the table in determination as he finished his statement, startling Stuart and any other patrons in the shop.   
  
Stuart nodded enthusiastically. Murdoc was, once again, burdened with that foreign feeling of warmth. The same one he felt this morning with Mrs. Ehrenfeld. It was odd but he considered that he could possibly get used to this feeling.   
  
They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping on what remained of their drinks. Murdoc looked around at the other patrons doing the same. Having a life outside of work, being with friends and family. _This must be what a normal life is…_ he thought. He scoffed to himself, however, as he didn't think he could do this every day, nor did he think he could have a really normal life at all actually. He remembered when he used to run wild, hanging with his friends and causing trouble. Then he was shackled to paying back a debt that wasn't his.

 _Would have been more worth it if I could have at least spent some of that money,_ he thought bitterly. He thought about how different his life would be if his father had died sooner, or if he'd moved much farther away to where he couldn't be held as a sex prisoner.   
  
"Murdoc," Stuart brought him away from his thoughts. Murdoc snapped his head towards him, "D-Do you think it would be okay if I tweaked your lyrics a bit? Maybe to fit a certain musical rhythm?" He seemed to be fidgeting a little more while asking Murdoc this, as if he was nervous. "Of course, only if it's okay with you. I-it wouldn’t be much, I promise!" He finished quickly.   
  
Murdoc looked back right into Stuart's blue eyes. The kid wouldn't look at him now. This made a small smile appear on his face. He had no idea what he'd done to warrant this kind of reaction to asking a question, a valid one at that. He enjoyed the kid's fidgeting for a moment before he answered.  
  
"Stu, relax. It's okay to ask. Your opinion is probably wrong but it's still good to ask." Stuart looked confused, which Murdoc started laughing to. This only seemed to confuse the poor boy more. "I'm joking kid, loosen up a little! Of course you can help me with the lyrics and matching it to the melody. We're a team, aren't we?" The boy appeared to understand now, relaxing and grinning.   
  
They ended up talking for hours, something Murdoc hadn't anticipated at all. It was well into the evening before they decided to pack up and go their separate ways, agreeing to meet again next Saturday. Murdoc was elated, especially after Stuart gave him his notebooks back. He didn't even mind that he had to go shopping now, something he usually hated mainly because he could usually never afford anything.   
  
His head was still in the clouds while he was shopping when he felt a pair of hands grab his shoulders, startling him and causing him to drop his basket of goods he had. He turned around ready to kick someone's ass, only finding Ethan leaning against the opposite aisle shelf for support, trying to catch his breath as he laughed.   
  
Murdoc frowned, straightened his jacket, and picked up his basket. He then waited for the guy to collect himself, his frown deepening into a glare when he wouldn’t stop laughing. He snarled in frustration, "Shut up! Asshole!" He started to walk down the aisle furious, away from Ethan.   
  
"W-wait! I'm sorry! Murdoc wait!" He said between laughs as be ran to catch up to Murdoc, who was still frowning. "I'm sorry, it was just too easy! You were in your head or something, I even tried calling you and nothing. You looked happy, what were you thinking about?" Ethan wore a giant grin on his face as he walked beside Murdoc.   
  
"Piss off, what do you want Ethan? What are you doing here anyways?" He growled, ignoring Ethan's question, still displeased.   
  
"Well, nice to see you too, Kitten." Ethan replied sarcastically still trying to contain his laughter. "I live around here. My flat mates and I were buying some groceries and look who I happened to run into!" He gestured at all of Murdoc, an idiotic grin on his face.   
  
"Well you saw me, now fuck off. And why are you calling me Kitten?" He turned down another aisle, hoping Ethan would get the hint to leave him alone. Murdoc had a rule about not seeing clients outside of work, it usually got too messy. He felt Ethan swing his arm around his shoulders playfully.  
  
"Because, I love it when you purr!" He laughed as Murdoc elbowed him in the ribs as hard as possible, causing Ethan to drop his arm off Murdoc's shoulder. Murdoc looked around to make sure others weren't around, thankful the store was rather empty this late on a Saturday. He continued to walk around, picking up items that he thought would make Mrs. Ehrenfeld happy. He had no idea how to prepare half the items he grabbed, but they seemed healthy and she'd probably be willing to help him cook.   
  
Ethan, much to Murdoc's chagrin, followed him around the rest of the time. He teased him playfully and even slapped or squeezed his ass a few times. It didn't matter how much he yelled or hit the guy, Ethan just kept bugging him. It was quite exhausting, with Murdoc eventually just giving in and letting him walk around the store with him.   
  
When Murdoc felt he had enough items, he brought them to the front to checkout. He hoped that would be the end of the issue with Ethan, but the kid stuck around. He even grabbed most of Murdoc's grocery bags, regardless of Murdoc's protests.   
  
Once out the door, Ethan turned to Murdoc, "So, which way Kitten?"   
  
"What the fuck are you on about?" Murdoc questioned, attempting to grab the bags Ethan had with little success.   
  
"Oh, come on now, Kitten. Let me help you home. I know you can't be far." He gave Murdoc a devious smile. Murdoc considered just walking away at this point, leaving the groceries with Ethan; however, he thought about Mrs. Ehrenfeld crying again and he wasn't going to let that happen again, ever. If that meant walking home with this ass, then so be it.   
  
He growled, "Fine! You bloody wanker, come on." He started walking in the direction of his apartment, Ethan keeping up next to him. He was partly grateful Ethan was helping with his groceries. They were heavier than Murdoc anticipated and it would have taken him forever to get home. He was, however, anxious about showing a client where he lived. He was already paranoid from the unlocked door situation, he hoped he wouldn't regret this.   
  
When they finally made it to his apartment building he attempted to take the groceries from Ethan again, failing once more. He begrudgingly walked the man up to his apartment, stopping at the door. He was nervous that the door was going to be unlocked again and he was nervous to have Ethan see his barren apartment. He had already been embarrassed about not having enough food this morning, he didn't need it again.    
  
"Well? You gonna let us in or do you live in the hallway?" Ethan asked from behind Murdoc, shuffling the groceries in his hands around for a more comfortable position.   
  
He sighed, finally relenting and grabbing the door handle. He felt relief when it was still locked. He unlocked it and made his way in, setting what he had on his table. He didn't look at Ethan, unwilling to see him scrutinize his place. Instead, he went to his fridge and grabbed one of the few beers he had, opening it and chugging half of it.   
  
When Ethan hadn't said anything, he cautiously turned around, curious as to what the man was doing. Ethan was looking at one of Murdoc’s notebooks that he had put in one of the shopping bags for easier transport. He was casually flipping through the pages, enthralled.  
  
"Hey!" Murdoc panicked, slamming his beer down onto the counter and lunging at Ethan in a failed attempt to grab the notebook. He held it just far enough away that Murdoc couldn't grab it as he held him back.   
  
"Whoa there Kitten! Relax, I'm just looking. Are these poems you write?" Ethan asked, easily keeping Murdoc at bay, no matter how much he fought.   
  
"No, asshole, lyrics! I write songs!" He snarled.  
  
Ethan smiled again, "Impressive! I really like them."   
  
"Bite me, dickhead." Murdoc growled as Ethan's arm wrapped itself around his waist, pulling him close.   
  
"Don't tempt me, Kitten." He snapped his teeth together in a biting motion, giving Murdoc a sly smile and a wink. Murdoc rolled his eyes in return.   
  
"For fucks sake, you helped me now get the fuck out!" He pushed Ethan off him, pissed he still had his smile.   
  
"Aww, don't I get a reward or something?" He put on a fake pouty face. Murdoc couldn't help but chuckle.   
  
"For fuck's sake, you don't give up do you? What the fuck do you want?"   
  
Ethan gave him another sly smile. "You know what I want, Kitten."   
  
Murdoc frowned at the typical response, then he went to his door and opened it, "Fine, but not tonight. I may have my landlord coming over and I don't want you here, nor do I want to do anything like that in my apartment. This is where I get away from work. Next time you come in to work… tell Nick it's on the house, yeah? That work for you?"   
  
He watched as Ethan went from disappointed to excited. "Deal!" He stated, as he walked to the door. He stopped before completely exiting, "Oh! Can I get your number?"    
  
Murdoc laughed until he realized Ethan was being serious. "Oh… what? Are we fucking dating now? Why the hell should I give you my number? I don't want you calling me."   
  
"Oh come on! I'd love to grab a beer with you every now and then. I'm serious, I won't call you for anything sex related, promise! If I do, you can hit me." Ethan pleaded. He wouldn't let Murdoc close the door.   
  
"Aurgh, fine! Here!" Murdoc gave up, walking over to one of his notebooks. He ripped off a small piece of paper and wrote his number down. He then turned back and shoved it into Ethan's hand. The kid looked victorious, he pulled out a mobile phone and typed in the numbers, to which Murdoc's home phone rang moments later. Murdoc frowned.   
  
"Satisfied?" He growled. Ethan nodded, a shit-eating grin on his face.   
  
"Good, get out you twat." Murdoc closed the door on Ethan's face. He sighed and shook his head, chuckling to himself. _Idiot,_ he chuckled to himself.    
  
He started unpacking the groceries. He still wasn't entirely sure what he had bought, but he hoped to Satan it'd be good enough. He looked at the clock to see how late it was, and it was actually much later than he thought. Good chance Mrs. Ehrenfeld actually won't be up to see him tonight.   
  
He thought back to his and Stuart's conversation from earlier today. He didn't realize it, but he was grinning from ear to ear as he did so, putting away his groceries. He knew this was going to be his chance, he just knew it.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A few weeks passed, everything going well for Murdoc. Mrs. Ehrenfeld had been proud of him for grocery shopping, which Murdoc didn't even consider a possibility. He wondered why someone would be proud of something like that, but as long as she didn't cry then all was well. She even showed him how to make a few healthy meals, which was actually pretty fun. His eye, bruises and cuts all healed nicely as well, the cuts leaving a few scars but he could handle that.   
  
His clients over the weeks had been as easy as ever, and Ethan even came by once in a while, not always for sex. Murdoc found he was a pretty fun guy to hang out with and have a beer with, maybe he was a little too crazy at times, but manageable. Murdoc even got a few female clients after his face healed up. It was looking good for him.   
  
The only issue he had was trying to get Nick alone to discuss how much he had left on his loan. Every time he tried, Nick would push another client towards him and run off to the next person he could find. Murdoc became too busy and tired by the end of the night to even bother anymore. He had to think of a better way to trap him so he could ask.   
  
His practices with Stuart were becoming more frequent and longer each time. He even began hanging out with the kid outside of work more often. He really liked hanging out with Stu, almost feeling a little anxious each time they would part ways. He wasn't sure why but it happened every single time.  
  
He even tried to analyze one day why he wanted to see Stuart all the time now. He'd never been this dependent on anyone before. He surmised that it was because Stu was like a lifeline for a drowning Murdoc. He was the last chance he had before he got sucked down into the depths, never to be seen again.  
  
Murdoc even felt brave enough to let Stuart see his apartment one day. He had noticed Ethan had never said anything about how bare his apartment had been, giving him a little confidence.   
  
He walked Stu up to the door, pausing again before trying the door. It'd now become a habit of his ever since the unlocked door problem. Stuart, however, had remained patient, something Murdoc was thankful for.   
  
When he finally mustered up enough courage to open the door, he tried to sound proud of his little apartment faltering slightly.   
  
"Home, sweet home." He said, refusing to look at Stuart, instead looking in at his entire apartment. A million things Stuart could say ran through his mind, making him feel slightly anxious.  
  
"Whoa! This is awesome Murdoc!" He heard Stuart say. He looked at the kid in surprise. He was smiling ear-to-ear.   
  
"You think so?" Murdoc asked.   
  
"Yeah! You've got so much room! We should come here to work on music." He went and sat on Murdoc's small bed, making himself at home. Murdoc chuckled, realizing he shouldn't have been so worried, this kid was the optimistic type. He'd make anything sound awesome. He went and made himself comfortable next to Stu, retrieving the songs they had been working on. The songs they worked on were progressing nicely. They were able to get the general feel of how the song should sound. They just needed a guitarist and a drummer soon, and Murdoc knew exactly where to find the drummer.   
  
"Russel, please!" Murdoc begged, now kneeling on his bar stool and leaning over the bar counter. "I need you man, **we** need you. You're the only drummer I know, and trust." He watched as Russel tried to ignore him, walking back and forth to help patrons. He wouldn't leave till Russ said yes, even if that meant being late for work.   
  
"Ruuuuuussssss. Come on! I'll owe you! Seriously! I'll do anything, I'm desperate." He pleaded pitifully. He'd normally never stoop this low, but he truly was desperate.   
  
"RUSSE-" he began, only to be interrupted by Russel pounding his fist on the counter.   
  
"SHUT. UP." He snapped, startling Murdoc. He froze still hanging over the bar, afraid to move.   
  
"Please?" He tried one last time. Even if it meant getting hit, he had to try.   
  
"Son of a bitch, Murdoc. Fine. I'll do it." He walked up and pointed a finger, prodding it into Murdoc's chest hard multiple times, “You need to practice with this kid a little longer. I want it to be a serious thing for you and him. If you guys are still practicing in a few weeks, come and talk to me. Now get the fuck out of here Muds."   
  
Murdoc ignored the pain in his chest where he was poking him, he was just happy to get Russel to agree. He left immediately, knowing it was best to leave before Russ changed his mind. He walked to work with the biggest grin on his face. It was finally all falling together for him. After six years of feeling like he was meant for nothing, he'd finally get his chance to show the world what he could really do.   
  
He strolled into work, feeling like he was floating on air. However, he quickly found himself crashing back to earth when he saw Nick. The man was sitting at the bar, alone and biting his thumb nail. His hair looked as if he'd run his hand through it many times, ruining the usual slick back look he sported as it hung down over his forehead.   
  
Murdoc tried to walk passed him quickly, hoping Nick hadn't seen him. He wasn't sure what was bothering the man but it couldn't be good. He didn't need to deal with that right now.   
  
"Oh, Murdoc." He froze, his heart dropping. He clenched his teeth and turned around to face Nick.   
  
"Yes?" He tried not to sound worried.   
  
"Um, we need to talk. Come here." He got off the bar stool, grabbing Murdoc by the arm and walking him over to a more private booth. Murdoc was becoming increasingly nervous. When they got to the booth, Nick looked at Murdoc sympathetically. Murdoc noticed he was still holding onto his arm, tightly.

"He's back."   
  
Murdoc furrowed his brows, "Who?"   
  
Nick frowned, "Who do you think dumbass?"   
  
Murdoc's stomach soured, he suddenly felt sick. "Why the fuck is he here?! I told you I'm not going in there with that asshole again!" He growled, trying to pull his arm out of Nick's grip. He knew he was at a huge disadvantage here, Nick being much larger and his massive hand was squeezing his arm tightly.   
  
"I'm sorry Murdoc, I told him no but he made an offer I couldn't refuse man. It's all going towards your debt, you should be happy! I had my security check the guy, no knives, no weapons, nothing." He was starting to grip Murdoc's arm painfully as he struggled to get free.   
  
"I don't give a fuck! I'm not going in there! I don't care if he pays off my entire debt! Fuck that guy and fuck you! Let me go!" Murdoc was panicking. He started to try to punch and scratch Nick, desperate to get him off.   
  
Suddenly, Nick rammed him into the wall behind him, leaning in and pushing his forearm into the top of Murdoc's clavicle and pressing into his throat, holding him there, while the other held onto his right wrist. Murdoc used his free hand to attempt to push against the arm on his throat, but with little luck.   
  
"Calm down Murdoc!" He hissed, leaning his arm into Murdoc's throat slightly as he continued to struggle. "You'll be okay! I promise!"   
  
Murdoc finally stopped struggling. If Nick pressed any harder, he knew he'd pass out. He clenched his teeth in frustration, waiting for Nick to release his hold slightly.   
  
"I'm not going in there." He growled through clenched teeth, he could feel himself shaking slightly. He gave Nick a pleading look when the man didn't change his mind. "Please, Nick."   
  
"No Murdoc, you don't get to make the decisions. I do, don't forget that." He warned. Any sympathy in his voice was replaced by coldness. In a last ditch effort of desperation, he spat in Nick's face.   
  
"Fuck you." He snarled. Nick let up his arm slightly out of surprise, enough for Murdoc to slip out of. Unfortunately, Nick still had a grip on his wrist, which he used to yank him back. He took hold of a huge clump of Murdoc’s hair on the back of his head and yanked it slightly downward, forcing Murdoc's face upwards towards him. Murdoc reached his hands back, trying to loosen Nick's grip. He watched as Nick used his other hand to wipe his face off.   
  
"You know," Nick grumbled, "I bet if I offered that guy a deal for a little more money to have you hogtied and brought to him, he'd take it. What if I did **that** ," he yanked on Murdoc's hair, smiling as that elicited a grunt of pain, "instead? Because I think you forget, Murdoc. You fucking owe me. I saved your life. If it wasn't for me you'd be dead or sold off to some asshole doing god knows what to you. I think I take pretty good care of you. You'll do as I say until your debt is paid off, or **I’ll** sell you off myself. Got it?"   
  
By this time Nick was yelling, Murdoc was sure the entire place could hear them now. He could feel a painful prickling behind his eyes, but he held it back as best as he could. He refused to show anything except pure hatred right now. He bared his sharp teeth ready to tell Nick to go fuck himself again, when they heard someone clear their throat next to them.   
  
Nick turned his head to see who dared to interrupt them. Murdoc couldn't turn his head till Nick suddenly let go of his hair. He fell back onto the couch nearby trying to rub the pain out from the back of his head. He looked up to see who had saved him and froze. It was Jeffery. He pleadingly looked up at Nick, who was adjusting his tie and fixing his hair, refusing to look at Murdoc.   
  
"You're supposed to be waiting in the room, sir." Nick said in a professional tone. Jeff's gaze pierced Murdoc with those brilliant green eyes of his, to which Murdoc got uncomfortable from and looked away. The man kept his gaze on him as he spoke.  
  
"I was, but then I heard yelling."   
  
Nick pursed his lips and replied with a little venom dripping from his voice, "Sorry, sir. I just needed to chat with Murdoc here for a moment. We're good now." Murdoc felt his stomach drop. He knew that was the end of their discussion. Nick wasn't going to help him, he's not even sure why he thought the man would. He had no choice, Nick didn't idly make threats like that.   
  
"I don't think **we're** good though. Can I speak to you in private for a moment?" Jeff motioned for Nick to come talk with him. Nick looked confused for a moment, hesitating before walking over to the man. They walked further away so Murdoc couldn't hear their conversation. Jeffery looked to be talking calmly, but Nick's reactions showed anything but calm. He first looked confused, then a little angry, then confused and slightly flabbergasted. Murdoc was curious as to what they were discussing.  
  
He gulped as he saw Jeffery walk back to Murdoc, a gentle smile on his face as but something about it seemed… off. He noticed Nick watching Jeffery walk away from him, confusion still showing on his face.   
  
"Come." Jeffery said to Murdoc softly, grabbing his hand and pulling him up, taking him back to the room. He looked back at Nick one last time, who was busy talking to his security. Murdoc felt completely helpless at this point, accepting his fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more information on the people around Murdoc. Left it on kind of a cliff hanger there. Hope you're enjoying it so far! :)


	4. Breathing is hard. When you cry so much, it makes you realize that breathing is hard.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc finds out how much of his debt is left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title quote by David Levithan  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> This chapter discusses self-harm

Murdoc was sitting on the edge of his bed, clothes and boots still on. Jeffery was in the bathroom, he swore the man was in there humming. He was gripping the edge of the bed as tightly as he could, feeling that if he let go then he'd start shaking uncontrollably. His breathing was already unsteady and labored. This was not the time for him to have a panic attack of any sort, he needed to stay alert with this guy.   
  
Murdoc took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for what could possibly happen, just as Jeffery came walking in. He stood there in only his boxers, a smile on his face. Murdoc felt a child run over him, he hated that smile. He hated that smile more than anything else in the world right now. Jeffery walked up to him and put his hand under his chin, lifting it up to have Murdoc look up at him. Murdoc clenched his jaw and swallowed. This guy made him incredibly uneasy, it took everything in his power not to flinch or pull away.   
  
"Did you like my gifts?" He asked, keeping his hand under Murdoc's chin. Murdoc tried to move his head to the side, ever so slightly, only to be met with the unmoving force that was his hand.  
  
"Uh… yeah. I did. Thanks. Can't say it was entirely worth the punches, bruises, or cuts though. Maybe the punches." He said bluntly. He wasn't going to feign niceness with this guy, they were past that at this point. Jeffery took his hand from underneath his chin and caressed the side of his face gently. Murdoc shifted uncomfortably.   
  
"Shhh, it's okay. I did that to try to help you." He whispered. Murdoc lifted an eyebrow in response.   
  
"Um… what?" he started, but Jeffery quickly wrapped his arms around Murdoc and gave him a tight and gentle hug. He tensed, unsure of what was happening with the direction of this conversation. A hug was the last thing he expected and the very last thing he wanted. His head was now against this man’s bare chest and he hated it.  
  
"Why don't you go get ready?" Jeffery commanded in a soft tone. He let Murdoc go, but not before running his fingers through his hair a few times. Murdoc quickly stood up, unsteady from his nervousness, and went to the bathroom, closing and locking the door immediately. His heart was pounding, his breathing shaky. With his back to the door he slid to the ground, hugging his knees to his chest. He kept reminding himself not to panic. He took a few minutes to mentally prepare himself. When he felt ready he slowly got up and looked at himself in the mirror.   
  
"You're going to get out of here. Alive." He said to himself. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then he prepped himself like normal. He looked back in the mirror one last time hoping the next time he looked in this mirror he wouldn't be beaten or bruised again. He gave himself a quick nod of encouragement and walked out to the room. Jeffery was waiting for him, smiling and sitting on the edge of the bed. Murdoc waked over, determined to get this over with.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Murdoc was lying on the bed, facing the ceiling. Jeffery was lying next to him, watching him closely, and breathing hard from their finished activities. His hand was playing with Murdoc's hair, something that made him uncomfortable. He wondered why the man was still here, he left so quickly the last two times, but at least Murdoc didn't have a single scratch on him… physically at least.   
  
"You're amazing." Jeffery whispered, still playing with a few strands of his black hair. Murdoc closed his eyes and suppressed a shiver. He wanted nothing more than to be elsewhere right now. He'd just experienced the two most uncomfortably awkward fucks in his life and now this lunatic wanted to pet and praise him. He, himself, couldn't just get up and leave, however. He wasn't sure if Nick was keeping an eye on him and he didn’t know what this guy would do.    
  
Murdoc just chuckled nervously and replied, "Uh… thanks." Jeffery suddenly sat up, which made Murdoc flinch and watch him closely, preparing for some type of assault.   
  
The man turned to the Satanist, "I want to use that Jacuzzi bath in there. Come on." He said, getting up and grabbing Murdoc's hand to pull him up as well. It took everything in his power to not pull his hand out of his grasp as a chill ran over him, which he tried to ignore. Instead he got up slowly and sat there as he walked into the bathroom. He could hear him starting the bath.   
  
"Christ…" Murdoc groaned desperately. He just experienced one of the worst things in his life, now he was probably going to experience the second worst thing in his life. He rarely ever bathed with anyone _after_ sex. Usually by then, the horny feelings have dissipated and the shame begins to set in and reach new levels, making the clients leave quickly.   
  
"Murdoc." He heard Jeff call him from the bathroom. He started to shake anxiously again, wondering if taking his chances with Nick were better. He still couldn't tell what it was about this man, but something told Murdoc's to run away. He shook his head, brushing it off, and made himself stand up. He was determined to get this over with so he could have a long overdue chat with Nick.   
  
He inched his way into the bathroom, finding Jeff already in the tub, waiting for him. Murdoc gulped, sure his face wore a look of apprehension and confusion, but Jeff simply smiled at him anyways. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to force himself to stop shaking.  
  
He bit his lip and walked to the Jacuzzi, getting in and sitting on the opposite side of the man. Hi folded his hands in his lap, covering himself. He, for once in his life, felt embarrassed about being naked. The man's eyes weren't scrutinizing in anyway, but they were dominating… Murdoc couldn't look back at him at all and being openly naked in front of him was unnerving.   
  
He looked down at the water, sliding down into it further. The water itself was warm and soothing, he actually would be enjoying it if he weren’t sharing it with this man. He couldn't remember the last time he even took an actual bath that didn't involve sex. He only had a small shower at home and staying here just to take a bath seemed ridiculous to him. He never chose to be here longer than he had to.    
  
He looked to the side of the Jacuzzi, trying to keep his eyes away from Jeff. He noticed very nice bottles of shampoo and conditioner, but there was also several types of bubble bath along with several types of body wash. Murdoc rolled his eyes. He wondered if all that was Nick's way of trying to invite more people to bathe and stay longer, thus paying more, or his subtle way of telling Murdoc to remember to bathe.   
  
When he was much younger, he usually didn't shower often. It was hard enough to do when he lived in a house with the very bare necessities, which included limited hot water and he could forget about every having soap or shampoo. Then, when he had left his father's house, he bummed around on couches and the occasional park bench, which made it much harder to get clean. He accepted this and became use to that grungy, unclean feeling.   
  
Then Nick picked him up, he could still remember the first words that prick said to him. The man had his security essentially kidnap Murdoc, even going as far as to tie his hands behind his back. They had him walk down that familiar hallway to the lounge area, one he’d walked a few times before. He definitely thought death was awaiting him at the end of that hallway this time. He had been shaking and nervous, but tried to play it off and show no fear. They brought him in front of Nick, who was talking to his bartender. When he saw Murdoc walk in, tied up, a charming smile graced his lips and he welcomed Murdoc. They knew each other somewhat as he'd been good friends with Murdoc's father so extensive introductions weren’t needed. He walked over and his charming smile quickly dissipated into a deep frown.   
  
"Christ, you reek man. How the fuck am I supposed to get people to fuck you if you smell like that?" He complained, scrunching his nose. The comment surprised Murdoc and he actually ended up laughing. He had just spent two days with a lovely, chubby girl with the cutest little tits, then spent the next three days after that sleeping on a park bench during the night till an officer told him to piss off.   
  
"Why the bloody hell would it matter how I smelled? You're going to kill me, yeah?" He said as calmly as he could muster, having missed the comment about fucking.   
  
One of Nick's eyebrows rose, "Kill you? That would be a waste." He brought a hand up to Murdoc's chin, gripping tightly, turning his head every which way to inspect him. Murdoc growled, but was unable to pull away.   
  
"If I remember correctly, you're 25, right?" Nick asked turning Murdoc towards him. He didn't answer, as he didn't understand why it mattered if this man was going to kill him. He barely knew Nick on a personal level, but he knew him enough to know how serious the man was. If Murdoc's father borrowed money from him, he'd get it one way or another. Nick didn't seem too bothered by him not answering either, he just continued his inspection. He ran his other hand up to push Murdoc’s wild bangs out of the way. He pulled his hand back, a grimace of disgust on his face. He grabbed a rag on the bar and used it to wipe his hand, letting go of Murdoc's chin.   
  
"For fucks sake, Murdoc. You’re unbelievably greasy, when was the last time you showered? I suppose that would be why you also stink." The man grumbled. Murdoc gave a small snort.   
  
"Why does it matter, mate? I dunno, a while, you know? It's hard to go home and shower when there are assholes trying to jump me there. I can sleep on a few park benches, I've done it before, you know?" Nick threw the rag back behind the bar and looked at Murdoc with pursed lips.   
  
"Well, I can guarantee you those weren't my men, but I have been keeping an eye on you. I know you and I don't know each other as well as I knew your father, but I think you and I can make a lot of money. You're young, you're relatively cute, you're charming, and most importantly you look like a bottom." He said nonchalantly. Murdoc's eyebrows shot up.   
  
"Excuse me? I agree with most of those, the bottom thing, not so much." He didn't want to admit he had bottomed a few times before, never really liked it, but was either a top or mainly did women. "And what the hell does that have to do with anything if you’re going to kill me? You want to fuck me?" Murdoc looked Nick up and down. He wasn't horrible looking. His blonde hair was just longer than a buzz cut and he had the most striking green eyes. He was a big guy, someone Murdoc shouldn’t mess with, but he knew he would anyways.  
  
Nick laughed, "No Murdoc, I have you here because I have a proposition for you. I knew your father well and you and I know each other on a business level, right? I know your father borrowed a large sum of money before he departed, he had tried to ask me for some. I obviously told him no…" Nick said, as he took a seat on one of the bar stools nearby.   
  
"Ah, smart man, so why am I tied up then?" He growled and struggled with his restraints. Nick gave him a coy smile.   
  
"Because, I'm going to be kind enough to offer you a deal. Think of me as your savior, or your new God, if you will." He chuckled as Murdoc frowned.   
  
"And what deal, exactly, are you offering me, oh mighty savior?" He spat back sarcastically. He was nervous as to where this was heading.   
  
"Well, you see, you're in a bit of a pickle. You owe quite a sum of money thanks to your father, and there are multiple groups out there looking to collect. I'm actually surprised you had made it this long." Nick pulled out a cigarette and lit it. After taking a few puffs, he continued, "Anyways, you know my business and business is… a little slow right now. I'm missing a whole mess of clientele out there… you know who that is?" Murdoc didn't answer. He knew the man would tell him anyways.   
  
"Gays." Nick answered, smiling at Murdoc and looking him up and down, Murdoc didn't like where this was going at all. "They need to find some release, just like everyone else and they're willing to pay, just like everyone else." Murdoc's face fell, was he suggesting Murdoc be his first male whore?   
  
"S-surely there must be better options…" Murdoc stammered. "I'm not gay, I mean, I switch sides, you know? But I'm not just gay." He stopped when Nick held up his hand.   
  
"Stop Murdoc. Relax. Let me just tell you what I am expecting before you panic. You're a decent looking bloke, you've been with plenty of women, I know you've been with a few men," Murdoc went to reply, but Nick gave him a look. One that said 'let me finish.' Murdoc closed his mouth.   
  
"Essentially, Murdoc, you're experienced with both. I hate to admit it but you're a charming son of a bitch. You're tough, you're young, and you're exactly what I need. I pay your debts, so essentially I'm just taking your debt, and you work for me till it’s paid off. How does that sound? I'll get more into details if you're interested, but I don't think you have much of a choice." He said grabbing the end of the cigarette and putting it out in an ashtray.   
  
Murdoc swallowed, his mouth dry. He looked around the lounge. He'd been there plenty of times before, he knew the routine. He tried to imagine being on the other side of it. Being the worker. He bit his lip as he considered the other possibilities if he didn't. Death, torture, prostitution rings, slavery... the possibilities were endless. At least here, he would have more options and less pain, he figured. He would be an idiot to pass that up, he still had a dream to accomplish and in the end he would do what was needed to accomplish that dream.   
  
"G-give me the details…" he whispered, looking up at Nick, who smirked and nodded to his security, who then untied Murdoc. He brought his hands forward and rubbed his wrists. He then walked over to Nick and sat on the bar stool next to him.   
  
"So do I at least get a drink with this?" He grunted. Nick turned to him, the smirk still on his face as he motioned for the bartender to grab him something. "Whiskey please." Murdoc quickly added. He was panicking on the inside, since his life as he knew it was going to change dramatically. He needed something strong to keep himself from trying to run.   
  
"Oh, a man after my own heart. If you didn't smell like a musty, dirty sock I'd kiss you." He laughed and continued with his talk, "You'll live here, work five nights a week, I'll even pay you like my other employees. Just enough for you to buy small things like food, clothes, whatever. Your clients get scheduled by me, you never touch the money. You’ll work with both men and women. I can tell you like kinky things, you can deal with those kinds of customers mainly. Easy right?" Murdoc could tell the man was trying to gauge his reaction as he was given his drink.   
  
Murdoc contemplated a moment, taking a big sip of his whiskey. "I just have to take a dick up my ass every night, yeah?" He grunted, keeping his eyes on his drink.   
  
"Well… not every night. You'll take some men, but you'll also have some women. We do get a few questions from women asking if we have any blokes. And why do you assume you'd always be the bottom? There are some guys that want to be fucked who are willing to pay, you know." He tried to be convincing, but Murdoc wasn't impressed. He also knew didn't have much of a choice though.   
  
He sighed, "Fine…" he downed the rest of his drink. “Deal.” He said as he turned to Nick and stuck his hand out to shake on it, but Nick just lifted an eyebrow.   
  
"I'm not touching you till you shower. I hope you realize, I do expect you to stay clean. I run a respectable business, I don't want it looking like your typical whore house. You shower daily, twice a day if you have to, I don't care. Everyone that wants to sleep with my employees has to be verified clean, as in STD free. I have to make sure you're still clean as well before this deal is completed, you know the routine, as you had to go through it as a client. Understand?" Murdoc nodded as Nick listed off everything. He remembered having to go get tested. He wondered how he or his dad managed to stay clean after all these years. Well, that's a lie, he did have gonorrhea at one point, but a round of meds cleared that right up. He was actually pretty good about wearing a rubber, mainly because he didn’t want any bastards like him running around.      
  
"How the fuck can you afford that? Don't you end up turning a lot of people away?" He questioned, curious how this man stayed in business. He didn't know Nick had everyone get tested, he thought it had only been him. He was the notorious Murdoc Niccals after all, rumored to have super gonorrhea, which was a lie.

Nick shrugged. "My business is safe and secure. They pay for fun. You know, you've paid to take a few of my girls. You know how nice it is not having to worry about protection." He winked at Murdoc, whose mouth fell open. He had completely forgotten. That meant the same would be done to him.   
  
"Christ…" he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was trying to remain calm. "I… I never really liked bottoming Nick…" he whispered. He figured he'd be honest here at least. Maybe Nick would throw him a bone instead of being pissed off. He looked up surprised when he heard Nick laugh.   
  
"That's because you hadn't been with someone who can show you how good it can be." He got up off the barstool and nodded towards the back rooms for Murdoc to follow. Murdoc hesitated before slowly getting off the stool, his nervousness becoming more apparent as he shook a bit. He dragged his feet as he followed. Nick took him to the biggest room at the end of the hall in the back. There was no one in that room and it was unbelievably clean. He brought him to the bathroom that had a large Jacuzzi tub and a stand up shower. Nick started undressing.   
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell are you doing? I knew you wanted to fuck me!" Murdoc snapped, panicking. Nick just rolled his eyes.   
  
"Shut up Murdoc, I have to have you practice, might as well start now. You fucking smell too, so a shower will do you good. Undress and get in." He demanded, which caused Murdoc cheeks to flush in embarrassment. The man undressed completely and he was… bigger than Murdoc had hoped. He sighed and rolled his eyes, undressing himself. He was somewhat embarrassed.   
  
"Come on, I won't hurt you, promise." He reassured Murdoc and got into the spacious shower. Murdoc wanted to get in, but he was more nervous than he realized. He took a deep breath and walked to the shower.  
  
"Murdoc." Jeffery whispered in his ear, snapping him out of his memory and back to reality. He realized Jeffery had moved to sit right next to him, an arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him closer. Murdoc managed to hold back a grimace, but still stiffened. Jeff seemed to notice.   
  
"My sweet little bird, it's alright. Are you still nervous?" He whispered, his mouth up against Murdoc's ear. He flinched slightly, every internal alarm inside him telling him to run again. He didn't answer Jeffery, he figured it'd be better for the man to think he was nervous than to think Murdoc couldn't stand his touch.   
  
He brought a wet hand up and pushed Murdoc's bangs back off his forehead, which stayed slicked back from the water. He then proceeded to gently brush his thumb over a few scars on his forehead. Murdoc attempted to turn his head away from the man, uncomfortable with him intimately touching his scars on his forehead, but his jaw was suddenly and painfully grasped and forcibly turned back towards Jeff.  
  
"Why would you turn away from me while I'm looking at you little bird?" He asked sweetly, but it almost sounded like a warning. Murdoc could only gulp in fear. He took the opportunity to look closely into the man’s eyes and saw something predatory. He'd never looked at his eyes this close before, now he knew why his internal warnings kept going up. He needed to cooperate and get away from him before he decided to hurt him again.  
  
"S-sorry…" Murdoc whispered, wincing at the pain from the grip on his jaw. Jeff watched him for a moment, then smiled and let go of his jaw. He brought his hand up again and pet Murdoc's hair. He leaned in, getting close to Murdoc. He started kissing his jaw gently, moving towards his ear then down his neck. He stopped to bite and nibble on his neck.   
  
Without any warning, he bit Murdoc’s neck hard, which made him grunt and try to push the guy off of him. Jeff simply grabbed hold of some of his black hair and yanked his head back, his other arm around Murdoc's shoulder keeping him in place. He started to panic, but attempted not to struggle, in the hopes he would stop biting.   
  
The man only took his submission as an opportunity to kiss and bite all parts of his neck. Murdoc just continued to stay still, grunting each time he’s bit, too afraid to move. He was shaking at this point, trying to stay as calm as possible, his eyes watering slightly. He was going to have more marks on his neck he'd need to hide, he was both pissed and upset for thinking he’d get away this time without any injuries.  
  
He needed to take his mind off this before he started to fight the guy. His thoughts turned to memories of Stuart to try to comfort his mind, and it worked. The kid's goofy laugh, his sweet smile that showed the front gaps in his teeth, and his bright blue eyes and hair. Murdoc wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked. He wanted to run his hand through it. The kid was so tall too, taller than Murdoc, but he didn't mind looking upwards to him.   
  
Jeff suddenly pulled away and admired his work, forcing Murdoc out of his thoughts again. He let go of his hair, but kept his arm around his shoulder to keep him close. Murdoc's neck ached. He brought a hand up and felt the marks the man left, they stung from the touch. He pulled his hand away, noticing there was blood on his fingers. He clenched his jaw and furrowed his brows.   
  
Jeff leaned in again to whisper in his ear, "You're mine Murdoc." He nibbled on his earlobe. Murdoc felt a chill run through him. He suddenly felt a sense of dread fill his mind, as if his mind felt like this man would be the death of him some day.  
  
He spent the rest of the bath next to Jeff, who felt the need to add more bite marks on Murdoc's shoulders, chest, and back. Murdoc hated the bites, but was thankful the guy didn't fuck him again. Jeff eventually left, leaving another big tip, telling Murdoc to call him if he needed him. Murdoc knew he’d never call that man if he was the last person on earth.    
  
When he left, Murdoc laid back on the bed, pressing his palms against his eyes to keep himself from breaking down. He was shaking uncontrollably and tears were forming behind his eyelids. Every one of his bites ached and bled. He thought about Stuart again. He thought about how the kid had magical hands that played keyboard like a pro, and a magical voice that sounded more angelic than anything he’s ever heard before. That kid was the key to Murdoc's survival and he knew he needed him. He prayed to Satan he could trust him to follow through because he needed that more than anything right now.   
  
Murdoc let out a small sniffle, brought his palms from his eyes, wiping away any stray tears and got up. He wasn't shaking as bad now, he knew it was time to go talk to Nick. He needed to find out what was left on his debt. He made himself get up and take care of all the bite marks as best as he could with the antibiotic ointment he had. The guy really went to town with his bites, leaving purple and blue bites and bruises all over. He felt another chill as he remember the guy whispering in his ear. He glared at himself in the mirror.  
  
"I will **not** be yours asshole. Go find yourself another whore." He whispered and then clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth. He was determined now more than ever to go talk to Nick. He didn't care about their little spat previously, he just needed to get the fuck out of this life as quickly as possible.   
  
He got dressed, in his clothes he’d walked in with. Unfortunately, his turtleneck was at home so he was going to be forced to walk around showing off his newly acquired love bites. He pulled up the collar on his jacket and stuffed the extra money Jeff at given him into the inside pocket. He'd count it later. He knew already it was about the same, if not more than what he’d left last time.  
  
Murdoc pulled out a cigarette and lit it with his engraved zippo lighter. He ran his thumb over the engraving and shivered. He wasn't sure if he could use this lighter anymore now, it felt dirty. He shook his head and decided to worry about it later, deciding he might just scrape off the engraving as best as he could.  
  
He puffed on his cigarette as he walked out to the lounge area. It was very early in the morning, there were even a few stragglers around, but it was mainly empty. He received a few stares from those that were around, but he ignored them. He was sure most everyone had heard his little spat with Nick earlier so he was sure the stares were for that.

He saw Nick sitting at the bar, looking disheveled. He took another puff of his cigarette and walked over, taking a seat on the stool next to him. The bartender got him his double neat whiskey without a word, which he appreciated more than anything in the world right now. Murdoc finished his cigarette and took a drink. He didn't have to say anything to Nick, the man knew why he was there. Nick didn't even bother looking at him. He noticed Nick had his own glass of liquor in front of him, probably vodka.    
  
Nick pursed his lips, before looking at his cup as he spoke, "How'd it go?" Murdoc didn't answer right away, he couldn't trust himself not to start yelling. He took a deep breath and released it slowly, then took a big gulp of his whiskey, focusing on the burn of it traveling down his throat. It was soothing in its own manner.   
  
"Well… he gnawed on me like a fucking piece of steak, but, other than that, I suppose it went as well as it could. At least he didn't cut me I suppose." He said, his words dripping with a thick bitterness. He saw Nick turn towards him slightly. He pulled the collar of his jacket back so he could see all the bites.   
  
"Fuck…" Nick whispered. Murdoc took another drink, as did Nick. They sipped their drinks in silence, taking a moment to collect their thoughts.   
  
Finally, Murdoc continued, "You know what I'm going to ask next right?" He still kept his eyes forward.   
  
"Yeah… I do." Nick whispered as he took another drink. Murdoc was becoming nervous, he wasn't sure if Nick was intentionally avoiding the question or if he just wasn't in the mood to discuss the issue.  
  
"Murdoc… I’ll just come out and say it. You still owe me half the amount." He said before finishing his drink. He didn't look at Murdoc, who choked on his own drink. He sat there coughing, trying to wrap his mind around what he just heard. When he finally stopped coughing he looked up at Nick, his eyes wide and filled with a mixture of worry, rage, and disbelief. He was gripping onto his glass as if it was the only thing keeping him from sinking into the ground. He felt like he stopped breathing, but he felt like his heart was beating too loud and fast, he was sure everyone in the room could hear it. He started to become overwhelmed with every emotion all at once. He began shaking uncontrollably as he started to hyperventilate. His eyes stung and filled with tears, he didn't even try to stop them as they spilled over and rolled down how face. He felt like he was drowning.   
  
"W-what?!" He finally choked out. Nick didn't say anything, he just looked down at his glass. "Half?!" He yelled out, slamming his own glass down onto the bar, shattering it. He saw his hand start to bleed from the glass but felt no pain. He wasn't sure what he felt at the moment.   
  
He half fell, half hopped off the bar stool, stumbling backwards a few steps till he found his balance. "Half?!" He screamed at him again, this time through clenched teeth. A blinding rage started to fill him like no other as he noticed Nick wasn't even bothering to turn around and look at him.   
  
"It's been six years! SIX! God dammit look at me!" He snarled, going up to Nick and forcefully pulling him around by his shoulder so he was looking at Murdoc. He almost knocked the man off his stool with as much force as he used. He ended up smearing blood from his cut hand all over the shoulder of Nick’s suit. He looked down on Murdoc with a straight face, showing no emotion. This pissed Murdoc off more.   
  
"Six years asshole! SIX. FUCKING. YEARS!" He screamed at Nick. At this point, Nick's security came walking over but Nick put a hand up telling them he was fine. Murdoc was shaking and felt nothing but a blinding rage at the moment. He kept shaking and tears kept flowing down his face. He couldn’t believe that after six years, only half his debt was gone.  
  
"I'm 31 Nick! You expect me to be here till I'm fucking 37?! I have dreams and goals! I'm not going to be here that long Nick! There's no fucking way!" He shouted. He knew the entire lounge was looking at him, but he didn't care.   
  
"Fuck you Nick! Fuck you! And fuck this place!" He snarled as he held up his bloody fist as he flipped Nick off. "Fuck!" He yelled out trying to get his frustration, hurt, and pain out, but it didn’t work. Nick slowly got down from his seat and put his arm around Murdoc's shoulders, trying to tell him something, but he didn’t listen.

Murdoc shoved his arm away and tried to throw a punch, but Nick grabbed his wrist and held onto it. His face remained unchanging, unemotional. Murdoc knew his own face was easy to read at the moment, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything right now. He tried hitting, kicking, yelling at Nick to let him go. He let out a choked sob that he was trying to hold back.  
  
He was suddenly met with a hard slap to the face. The breath was knocked out of him and he froze. The ache from the slap slowly rolled over his face, he knew that would probably bruise later. Only his chest moved from his breathing. He slowly looked up at Nick, who looked down at Murdoc solemnly. He blinked the tears away then took a ragged deep breath. He clenched his teeth and managed to pull his wrist away from Nick, while shrugging his arm off his shoulder. He gave Nick one more deadly glare then quickly walked out, ignoring everyone he passed by.    
  
When he made it to the alleyway, it was dark but he didn't care. He stumbled his way out to the street. When he got into a more lit area, he stood up, fixed his coat jacket and hunched his shoulders, attempting to hide himself. He walked towards his apartment quickly. He was trying to contemplate what he was just told. He hardly noticed the tears falling, trying to wipe his face from time to time, but tears kept streaming down regardless. He let out small little desolate sobs, the kind of sobs that came from someone with no hope left, anyone who heard them turned to look at him, but he didn't care who heard or saw him as he continued to walk.    
  
At one point, he stopped in an alley as he began to hyperventilate. He was panicking beyond control. The world around him felt as if it was caving in and he was stuck, drowning. He crouched down to try to steady himself _. I can't do it. I can't do six more years_ , he thinks to himself. He knew if he stayed much longer he'd be dead before long, either by a client or by his own hands.    
  
He stood up, anger consuming him once more, causing him to punch the brick wall next him. It hurt, but it was a good distraction. He could understand this pain. He could control this pain. He looked at his fist, it was slightly bloody, but nothing serious. He looked back up at the wall, but it was too dark to see if there was any blood on it.

His face was cold from the night air, especially where it was wet. His left cheek was suffering from a dull ache where Nick had slapped him, but he understood that pain, he knew that pain would go away soon. The pain he felt in his chest, however, felt like he was being stabbed straight in his heart. It hurt, but he couldn't fix it. He felt nothing but pain and desolation and he felt desperately lonely about it.   
  
No one cared about him or his problems. No one cared he was a whore. No one. No one cared about him. He started shaking again. He looked from his fist to the wall again. He growled and punched it again. _No one cares_ , he thought. He punched it once more with another angry growl. _No one cares._ He punched the brick once more, a small yell escaping his throat. _No one cares_ another punch. The brick was now bloody, his knuckles burning with a blinding pain. _No one cares,_ he thought one more time as he punched the brick for the last time.  
  
He stopped, he was shaking and the pain in his fist was all he could focus on. He welcomed it. It kept his mind off the pain in his chest that he couldn't handle. Tears continued to fall from his eyes, blurring his vision. He couldn't see his knuckles very well, he just knew they were bleeding. _No one cares,_ his mind whispered to him again.   
  
_We're gonna be in a band together, we'll practically be a family,_ his memory played back to him. Stuart had said that to him only a few weeks ago. His thoughts turned to the singer, how he'd thought about him earlier and how he'd felt more at ease. Thinking about Stuart now helped put him at ease again. Thinking about Stuart's smile with his stupid gapped teeth and his bright blue eyes that showed nothing but kindness towards him. He was a nice person, truly nice. He felt a small smile pull at the corner of his mouth. He wanted to see Stuart, no, he needed to see Stuart. _He cares… he's **my** singer…_ he thought.   
  
He put his shaky, bloody hand in his jacket pocket and walked back to the street. He kept his head down and quickly made his way to the singers shop. He knew it was too early for anyone to be there now, but he knew Stuart would be there early that morning, as he'd recently had a few of his shifts changed to morning. It was dark when he arrived at the shop, but a small hint of light was present on the horizon. It was almost dawn.   
  
He sat down on the edge of the alleyway Stuart had first come out of when they'd originally met. He wiped his face of what was remaining from him crying. He brought his bloody hand out to try to grab a cigarette from his inner pocket, but his fingers wouldn't bend. They throbbed in agonizing pain when he tried. He gave up trying and struggled with his other hand, finally getting a cigarette out and lighting it. He didn't think about anything except the ache from his knuckles as he puffed on his cigarette. He knew if he thought about anything, he'd panic again. He stared into the dark, trying to keep himself together as he felt his lids starting to get heavy.   
  
"Murdoc?" He heard, jolting him awake. He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep. He squinted and looked up, seeing his blue haired singer standing near the front door of the business, looking back at him, worried. He had his backpack slung around his shoulder, keys in his hand ready to unlock the store. He could perfectly see his singer in the grey morning light after his eyes adjusted and he felt like he was seeing the greatest person in the world. Murdoc gave him a slight smile, trying to ignore the pain in his cheek.   
  
"Hey there, Blueberry." He said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and started to get up. Stuart hopped down from the stepped and rushed over to him to help. Murdoc figured he must have looked as rough as he felt. His eyelids felt heavy and swollen, his face felt dry and tight from his now dried tears.  His back was sore from sleeping on the ground, while his neck and shoulders ached from the bites. He brought his beaten hand out of his pocket as Stuart came up to him. The entire pocket felt sticky from the blood. He still couldn't move his fingers well.   
  
"Christ, Murdoc! What happened?!" Stuart asked, seeing his hand. He grabbed Murdoc's arm and helped guide him into the building. He locked the door behind him and brought him to the bathroom. Under the light, Murdoc could see how bad he'd actually hurt himself. He could see white in the middle of his red, swollen, and bloody knuckles. He felt the pain only slightly, but they were fairly numb at this point.   
  
"Holy shit, Murdoc what happened to you? I come to work and find you passed out in the alley, your face bruised and red, your neck is covered in bites and your knuckles are down to the bone!" He was holding Murdoc's hand under the faucet, cleaning the blood off of him. Stuart had a first aid kit next to him on the sink, ready to bandage him up after cleaning the blood off.   
  
"Um… Work…" was all Murdoc could say. Stuart stopped what he was doing, turning and looking at Murdoc. Murdoc's eyes widened in shock when he saw the singer was glaring at him.  
  
"Work? Did you get chewed on at work as well?!" He demanded angrily, his cockney accent becoming a little thicker. Murdoc lifted an eyebrow and gave him a small smile. The kid was worried and Murdoc liked it. Stuart grabbed some water and flicked it into Murdoc's face, bringing him out of his little daze.   
  
"Tell me what happened Murdoc. I can't sing for you if I don't trust you and I have to worry about you. Please Murdoc…" his face changed from anger to worry. Murdoc tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He argued internally with himself, wondering if he should tell the kid the truth. He knew Stuart had a point, he should be honest. But he was a whore… would the singer be that understanding? But he needed to be honest, especially now if he was going to have to deal with this for another six years. He was nervous Stuart wouldn't be willing to wait, he could go anywhere without him. He had to trust Stuart to stay though, trust worked both ways.   
  
He sighed and nodded, making up his mind to tell him. He brought his hand back away from Stuart. He'd taken his jacket off earlier before Stuart started taking care of him so he just needed to take his shirt off. He took if off slowly, struggling with the one hand. When he got it off, he threw the shirt on the floor. He pursed his lips and looked up at his singer with a calm expression on his face. Stuart, who was watching him curiously, looked at all the old scars and new bite marks that riddled his neck, chest, and shoulders.   
  
"These," Murdoc said pointing to his recently healed scars on his chest from Jeff, "were from a client who had some type of cutting fetish or wanted to cut me for some reason, I still don't know. He was the same one who gave me the black eye that time too. He actually is the same one who did these." He pointed to the bites littered all over him. He could feel they were slightly swollen and red still, he hoped they’d stopped bleeding at least.    
  
He turned around before Stuart could speak, he reached back and pointed to his upper back, "Can you see the scars there? That was from a whip. I had this fiery little minx who was into whips. She got a little carried away at one point and cracked me open a few times before she, or I, realized. She felt awful about it but I still see her from time to time. She's one of my more fun clients."   
  
He turned back around and pointed to his hip, showing a small group of burn scars, "This one here was from a client that wanted to try burning. I didn't really have a problem with it, I used to get burned every now and then by my brother's and father's cigarettes." He held his forearms out to show Stuart. The burn scars were severely faded and only the very bare outlines could be seen in the spots where his octopus tattoo didn't cover them. “I didn’t let him burn much of me though, because those wounds are a bitch to heal.” He finished. Murdoc noticed how Stuart's face was becoming more wrought with concern as he talked. He was throwing a lot at the kid without any warning, but he wanted Stuart to understand the extent of what he did. He remained quiet for a moment, letting Stuart take it all in.   
  
"C-clients?" Stuart finally croaked out. He stayed where he was, not moving towards or away from Murdoc.   
  
"I'm a prostitute Stuart. A hooker, a whore… someone pays me and they get their rocks off using me." He was shaking nervously and breathing hard again, but he tried to not let it show as he talked. He kept his eyes on Stuart, waiting to see the disgust or disappointment on his face, but it never came. Instead Stuart's face just seemed more inquisitive, even sad. He didn't say anything though, waiting for the singer to process it all.   
  
Stuart slowly walked up to Murdoc, a small smile appearing on his face. He gently grabbed Murdoc's busted hand and brought him back to the sink. His touch was tender and kind still. Murdoc held his breath, it was going well so far. Stuart started scrubbing around the wounds again, not looking at him.  
  
"Murdoc, I don't care about your job. Well, I care, but it doesn't bother me if that's what you're worried about. You're very talented and you're funny and smart. Your job is just a job, you know? So what if you have to, um, sleep with people for a job…" Stuart suddenly stopped and turned to Murdoc, looking extremely upset.   
  
"Do you have that job because of your debt you had told me about a few weeks ago?" He asked. Murdoc nodded slowly and Stuart slowly turned to head to look back at Murdoc's hand.   
  
"My dad acquired all that debt and then died. The debt went to me and all those groups he borrowed from came to collect. Nick, my current boss, offered me a deal. He'd take all my debt and I'd work to pay him back. I've been there six years…" he whispered and started shaking a bit more. Stuart noticed and turned around to look at him. His eyes were watering again, he felt hopeless, thinking he'd have to be at that place another six years. He didn't know how to tell Stuart.   
  
Stuart surprised him again by suddenly pulling him in for a hug. It wasn't a sympathetic, weak hug either, it was a tight, caring hug. Stuart was taller than him by quite a bit so his face was buried into the singers shoulder, but he was thankful to be able to hide his face. He could feel Stuart's arms wrap around him and pull him closer. It made Murdoc let out a choked, muffled sob into his shoulder. He held the singer tight as well. Everything he had been holding in, he just let spill out.   
  
"I just found out I still owe half of my payment." He cried. "I can't do it for another six years, Stuart, I can't. I won't!" He kept his head down into Stuart's shoulder. He would usually be too embarrassed to even attempt something as emotional as this with anyone, but he didn't care right now. The hug just opened the floodgates to all his emotions and he wasn't going to try to stop them anymore.   
  
Stuart rubbed his back gently, listening to him sob. After a few minutes he started humming. Murdoc recognized the song, it was one he'd written and worked on with Stuart. He'd called it 'Slow Country' and he thought it was very appropriate for the moment. He started laughing softly into the singers shoulder, holding him tightly. Stuart kept hugging him and humming, which Murdoc allowed. He tried to think of the last time he hugged someone willingly besides Mrs. Ehrenfeld.   
  
After what seemed like hours, actually being only minutes, Stuart sort of pulled away enough to look down at Murdoc. "Murdoc, I don't know why you think you had to hide that from me. We're best mates, we gotta tell each other everything. Let me _help_ you. If we get this band started and it starts making a lot of money, we can pay off your debt. Right?" He smiled at Murdoc, who found his naive, optimistic, innocent outlook sweet, albeit slightly annoying. He knew how hard it would be to get a band started. It'd be years. They didn't even have a guitarist. His positive demeanor, however, gave Murdoc a little bit of hope. He could do this for another year or two… for the band. For Stuart.   
  
He nodded slowly. Stuart smiled even wider and hugged Murdoc close again. "We'll do it together!" He said happily. Murdoc's heart was beating wildly at that phrase. _Together_. He nodded again and took a deep breath, noticing Stuart's scent this time, now that he was calmer. The kid smelled like caramel and peppermint. _It's… very Stuart,_ Murdoc thought as a smile spread across his face. Stuart broke the hug and Murdoc felt a little melancholy over the loss of contact.   
  
The singer gently grabbed his arm again and pulled him over to the sink once more. Stuart had placed his arm around Murdoc's so his arm rested between the singers arm and his hip. Murdoc was suddenly away of how close he was to the kid now. He watched as Stuart started bandaging his knuckles.   
  
"So… did you hit a client?" Stuart asked him, keeping his eyes focused on his knuckles.  
  
"No… I punched a brick wall." Murdoc replied in a whisper. Stuart turned to glare at him a bit, wondering why he'd do such a thing. He pulled on Murdoc's arm to be able to wrap it better. This forced Murdoc to have his head right up against the singer’s shoulder. He rest his head against it while continuing to watch him bandage his hand with his long delicate fingers.   
  
"I was mad…" He whispered, trying to explain himself. Stuart finished, but continued to hold onto Murdoc's hand as he turned towards him. They were a little close, Murdoc had to look up at Stuart as the man held his hand gently.   
  
"You have to protect your hands, Murdoc." Stuart said, looking down at him. Murdoc naturally leaned in just a tiny bit. They were mere inches apart, he could feel Stuart's breath. His heart was beating rapidly again and his hands were feeling sweaty as Stuart continued to hold his hand ever so gently. The kindness Stuart was showing him coupled with the closeness made him want to act on a primal desire he suddenly felt for the singer.   
  
"You’re a fantastic song writer and bass player Murdoc, you need to ke-." Stuart was interrupted when Murdoc closed the gap and pressed his lips against his. It seemed as if all time stopped, along with their breathing. They both froze in that moment. Murdoc took in everything all at once, Stuart's scent, his soft but thin lips, his body pressed against his, his hands on his bandaged one, and so many other things. He didn't feel the singer flinch or pull away, which he took as a good sign.  
  
After a few seconds, Murdoc pulled away gradually and time seemed to move again. He swallowed, letting out a shaky breath. Stuart watched him, his eyes wide, and unmoving. Murdoc became nervous.   
  
"Wh….why would you do that?" Stuart whispered, still looking at him, disbelief taking over his look of shock. Murdoc's face fell as his chest started hurting again. He'd misread the situation.   
  
He started to panic, "Stuart, I-" he started but stopped when he'd taken a step toward the singer and the singer took a step back, running into the sink. Murdoc felt as if his heart was in a vice, the look Stuart was giving him was painful to see. He had misread the situation entirely. He looked down, embarrassed by what he'd assumed.   
  
"I'm sorry." He said as he grabbed his shirt and threw it on with his jacket and quickly made his way to the door. It was locked and he panicked again, _Where the fuck are the keys?!_ He looked around frantically and saw Stuart had set them on the counter nearby. He quickly grabbed them and fiddled with each key, trying his hardest to hold back tears so he could see, till he finally found one that worked and unlocked the door. He threw the keys down and quickly made his way out of the building and up the street to his apartment.   
  
He didn't look back, just forward. His face was red from embarrassment, tears stung his eyes and rolled down his cheeks once more. The cold air nipped at his wet cheeks but he didn't care, he couldn't be bothered to dry his face just to have them wet again. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried so much in a single day. Maybe when he was a child? He shook his head, it didn't matter.   
  
He made it to his apartment building and quickly went in. He heard Mrs. Ehrenfeld call his name, but he ignored her. She didn't need to see him like this and he didn’t need her finding out that he’d have to work as a prostitute for another six years. She’d try to help and he wouldn’t allow that. He climbed the stairs two at a time and was inside his apartment in a heartbeat.   
  
When he finally closed and locked the door he stood there, looking at his apartment, but also at nothing. He started trembling as he thought about everything that had happened to him in the past night. Everything was ruined. **Everything**. His life outside of his job. His friendship with Stuart. His band. All ruined in a single night.  
  
He leaned against the door and slowly slid down to the floor. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them. He still continued to fight the tears and emotions trying to escape. He didn't want to just cry willingly, it'd mean he'd given up fighting and he wasn’t quite ready yet.   
  
He sat there for a few hours, trying to calm himself down and figure out what to do. He eventually cried himself out, which he was thankful for. He felt exhausted from it though. He had a headache that felt as if someone was bashing his head with a hammer. His knuckles were trying to contend with the head pain, throbbing with an intensity that made him believe cutting his hand off would be better.   
  
He struggled to lite a cigarette, hoping it'd help with something, anything really. He was still a bit shaky. He contemplated what to do with his life now. He even considered suicide at one point, but he didn't want to die. He actually liked living, when he got the chance. Plus he couldn't do that to Mrs. Ehrenfeld. The woman was old and she would make it her after life's mission to find him and beat his ass. He chuckled as he took another puff of his cigarette. He thought about running away, far away. Maybe the US. He had enough money to get a one way ticket, but he had no idea what he'd do when he got there. He took another puff.   
  
Stuart's face after the kiss crossed his mind and he closed his eyes, trying to escape it, but it didn't work. He clenched his teeth, feeling his heart hurt again as he thought of that face and how he'd probably never see it again. He wasn't even sure why he had kissed him.   
  
"What the fuck was I thinking?" He whispered to himself. He hadn't thought of Stuart like that before. It just… happened. It felt right. But it had ended up being the complete opposite. Stuart had been his best mate, his first best mate even. Stuart had trusted him and he'd completely betrayed that by… acting like a whore. Murdoc sighed.   
  
He took the last puff of his cigarette and looked at the burning ember at the end. He looked down at his arm. He slowly lowered the cigarette to his forearm closer to his wrist. He hesitated before pressing it into his skin slowly. He let out a small hiss through clenched teeth as he felt it sear the skin. His mind focused on nothing but that burn. No job, no band, no Stuart, no other pain. Just that burn.   
  
He flicked the cigarette on the floor when it was out. He looked at the round burn on his wrist. It was a familiar pain, one he hadn't suffered since he was a kid. He stared at it for a while.   
  
He was brought out of his trance by his phone ringing. He looked up, startled. He looked at his clock. It was around noon, he'd been sitting there for a few hours. He slowly got up, stopping whenever his head starting pounding too hard, the ringing from the phone was not helping. When he finally got up completely, he gingerly walked over to the phone and picked it up.   
  
"What?" He growled. He thought it might be Nick.   
  
"Whoa, Kitten. You sound pissed. Bad time? I figured you'd be home and had some time to sleep by now." Ethan said on the other end. Murdoc rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood for this.   
  
"I've… had a long day…" Murdoc whispered back.  
  
"Oh… well in that case, I was gonna ask your sweet ass out for coffee, but if it's been that kind of day, wanna grab a drink?" He could practically see the excitement dripping through the phone from the man on the other end.   
  
Murdoc almost said no because of his usual reasons, like working tonight or needing sleep, but then a big ‘ _fuck it_ ’ crossed his mind. He didn't want to go back to work, and he didn't want to sleep or be alone at the moment with his thoughts. This would be the perfect opportunity for him to forget.  
  
"Fine... I hope you got some good shit. Come get me." He replied back. He could tell Ethan was bubbling with excitement.   
  
"Yes, Kitten! That's my boy, I'll be there in ten minutes. What kind of shit are you talking about? Alcohol or… other things?" He asked cautiously. Murdoc rolled his eyes at the man attempting to be subtle. He could say drugs, he was a grown man.   
  
"Both."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! TwT I've been a busy busy bee! But I haven't forgotten about it! I'm just slower!


	5. Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc moves on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote by Nicole Sobon

_Something… someone's touching me… who the hell… open your eyes and find out you bloody moron._ His scattered thoughts scolded him, but his body didn't want to listen. His thoughts were swimming, he felt like he couldn't focus on any one thought for long. His body felt numb, but also felt like it was floating. The sensation was confusing and exhilarating at the same time. He could feel hands on him, on his back, gently touching him. He couldn't tell if it was one person or more, the touches just blurred together. He attempted to swallow, but his mouth was incredibly dry. He felt kisses on his shoulder. _Where am I?_ He questioned. His mind tried to replay what he last remembered but his mind kept turning back to wondering who was touching him.   
  
"Who the hell chewed on you, Kitten?" He heard someone say. They sounded familiar. Kitten… he knew that nickname. _Ethan…_ that's right. Murdoc's memories started to slowly reemerge and piece together in his mind. _I had called Ethan… He picked me up… we went to a small party… there was alcohol..._ he remembered. He remembered there being a lot of alcohol.   
  
He realized Ethan wasn't touching him anymore. He was starting to get feeling in his extremities again, but they still felt so heavy. A chill ran through him and he shivered. He suddenly came to the realization he was naked. He let out a small groan as he decided it was time to wake up, cracking his eyes open slowly.  
  
"Ah welcome to the land of the living, Kitten." Ethan chimed much too loudly for Murdoc's liking. He just let out another groan and looked around groggily, hardly bothering to lift his head as he did so. He found a blanket next to him, which he grabbed and pulled over himself slowly. He turned on his side towards Ethan, curling himself up in the blanket in the process. When he felt satisfied, he pulled it over his head, only his face was seen, essentially wrapping himself in a blanket cocoon.   
  
He could feel aches and pains starting to surface throughout his body, the most prominent being one in his ass. His head pounded with each beat of his heart. He let out another soft groan, wishing more than anything his headache would stop.

He tried to ignore the pain to look around the room and take in his surroundings. He was in a bedroom, on a full sized bed in the furthest corner from the door. It looked like a typical bachelor's room. There were some sports memorabilia, some posters of some bands he didn't give a shit about, plus some other odds and ends stuff. It was boring... but Murdoc couldn't necessarily say much considering he had the bare necessities in his apartment.   
  
On the bed next to him, sitting on the edge was Ethan, smoking a cigarette and playing some zombie game on his Nintendo. Zombies… Stuart liked zombies. The bloody idiot talked about them all the time. His eyes stung and he swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. Stuart… he remembered everything that had happened between him and that kid now. It all came back to him in a single lash. He remembered that was part of the reason he went on a bender.   
  
Ethan looked back at him, "How you feeling?" He asked quickly, before turning around to continue playing his game. Murdoc just replied with a grunt, the energy to talk escaping him. "That bad, huh?" Ethan joked as he continued to play his game. Murdoc tried swallowing again, but was once again met with a mouth drier than a desert.  
  
"Water…" he croaked out, hoping the guy wouldn't be a complete dick and ignore him. Thankfully, Ethan listened, pausing his game to go get some. Murdoc waited, staring at the paused game, noticing the background music for it still played faintly. It was ominous, he actually liked it a lot.    
  
When Ethan came back with the water, he helped Murdoc sit up to drink, Murdoc groaning as he did so. "Fuck…. What the hell… why am I so sore? What'd we do last night?" He grumbled, taking a sip of the water. The cool liquid tasted heavenly, something he never thought he'd say about water. He started drinking more of it till Ethan yanked the cup away.   
  
"What the f-" Murdoc started, ready to get pissed.   
  
"You’ve hardly eaten for three days Murdoc. You need to eat something before you drink all this water and puke. Actually, you should probably get up and walk around a bit." Ethan said, setting the cup down next to the bed. It took a moment for Murdoc to register what he said, but when he did he flailed and fell to the floor, entangled in the sheets. Ethan used this opportunity to get further onto the bed to rest his back against the wall.   
  
"What!? Three days? I've been out for three days?" He hissed, noticing how his whole body ached. He couldn’t believe it. He also wanted to know why he couldn't remember it and why he was so sore. He had so many questions an Ethan just laughed.   
  
"Yeah, a mix of amphetamines and alcohol will do that to you. You went on a three day run. Probably why you can't remember anything." He said calmly, moving his control as he dodged a zombie. Murdoc felt anything but calm.  No wonder he felt weak, tired, and sore. He started to panic.  
  
"Shit… I missed work… fuck! What happened!?" He growled up at Ethan, about ready to strangle him with the controller cord. He didn’t care as much about the drugs and alcohol, it was missing work that killed him.    
  
"Okay, relax Kitten. It's all good. First, I called you and you told me you were having a bad day. So I offered to take you to get a drink." He started explaining.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. I got in the car with you and I asked you to help me get shit faced, so you took me to a small party with a bunch of your friend’s right?" Murdoc said, trying to hurry him along and remember after that. It all came in bits and pieces, but those pieces he did remember felt dream like. He couldn’t discern if it was real or not. Ethan moved to the edge of the bed to tell his story.   
  
"Yeah, you got drunk and were boohooing about your job and this guy that blew you off, I think? I thought you wanted to loosen up a bit so when I got your next drink, I put some shit in it to help." Ethan mentioned casually. Murdoc pursed his lips and stared at the floor, trying to remember what happened after, but it still just came in bits and pieces and as random feelings. He wrapped his blanket around him more. He was so sore… and he remembered being aroused… but why?! What the hell happened?   
  
A thought suddenly popped into his head. He was a prostitute… did Ethan let his friends…? He closed his eyes, afraid of the answer. It's not as if it bugged him entirely, but he still felt slightly betrayed if Ethan did. He looked back up at him, Ethan was picking his teeth with his pinky nail.   
  
"Did we have sex?" He asked. "And did I have sex with anyone else?" He whispered. He hoped not, unless they paid. He did still have a huge debt to pay off. Remembering that made him miserable again, all the memories of that day flashing before him once more. He remembered punching the wall and looked at his knuckles. They were still wrapped, but the bandage was obviously dirty and it looked like they had cracked and bled at some point.   
  
Ethan gave a snorted laughed, startling Murdoc from his thoughts. "Well… you got high, and then I started making out with you. You were incredibly sexy. You eventually started to try to blow me," he laughed, which caused Murdoc to frown and roll his eyes at himself for acting like a whore again. "But I didn't feel like getting blown in front of my friends, so I brought you back here and we shagged the entire time. I'm sure you're sore, I am too." He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck and stretching back out onto his bed. Murdoc felt relieved that Ethan hadn't passed him around to all his friends.   
  
"Thank you…" Murdoc mumbled as he tightened the blanket around himself. Ethan sat back up from his stretch, looking down at Murdoc curiously.   
  
"For what?" He asked with a yawn.   
  
"For not passing me around…" He mumbled again, looking up at him through his fringe, which he noticed were greasy and flat from the sweat and lack of showering probably.   
  
Ethan smiled and gave his head a pat. "Oh, of course I didn't. You're my kitten and I didn't want to share you with my friends. They can buy you for a night just like I did. But let me tell you Murdoc… you were super horny for some reason. You literally wore me out, I can't imagine how you feel." He chuckled.   
  
Murdoc grumbled, "I feel like shit... do you have a shower?"   
  
"Of course I do, I'm not an animal." Ethan said back, returning to playing his game. "It’s down the hall, first door on your right. Can't miss it."   
  
Murdoc sighed and used the bed for support so he could stand. He felt incredibly sore around his hips, as if he ran a marathon. Of course, from the sounds of it, he did… almost. He slowly made his way to the bathroom, every step felt awkward and pained as his hips screamed in agony.   
  
When he reached the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes widened it shock. He had bruises all over him, his hips, his arms, his neck, his back. He noticed the bites on his neck were actually healing nicely, but someone left a bunch of nasty little hickeys.  He took the bandages off slowly but had trouble when he saw they were stuck to the skin where they'd bled and dried. He had to pull on them a bit to get the bandages off, which hurt immensely. He examined the now bleeding wounds once more. They were definitely scabbed up, but they'd bleed and one knuckle even looked like it could be rather irritated badly. The wound on his knuckled attached to his pinky was swollen and red, it looked angry. Murdoc touched it and hissed as it started to throb painfully.   
  
He sighed and looked back in the mirror. He couldn't believe all the bruises… they weren't dark, more just smaller, lighter bruises really. Murdoc started to chuckle as he realized he didn't care. He didn't care that he had just been on a three day lust filled bender. He didn't care that he had missed work and Nick was probably going to hunt him down and murder him. He chuckled again as he imagined how much his individual parts would go for on the black market. At least that would take care of his debt, maybe.   
  
He also didn't care that he'd busted his knuckles to the bone and now they were threatening to become infected. He didn't care that he'd ruined his friendship with the one person besides Mrs. Ehrenfeld that had shown him a shred of kindness… he bit his lip thinking about it. He felt his eyes begin to sting again as it replayed in his head perfectly. It felt like he was there again. The wound felt fresh still and he hated that. _Why'd I have to kiss him?! Why? Because he was nice? Because I felt I could trust him?_ He shook a bit as he held back those feelings and the tears threatening to spill over.   
  
He quickly got into the shower, the warm water felt amazing over his bruised and dirty skin. He crouched down and buried his head into his knees as the water fell over him, washing away those tears now. He even let out a few quieted sobs, praying to Satan Ethan wouldn't hear him. Part of him was pissed. The whole point of his bender was supposed to be to forget, but instead he just put these pained feelings off a little longer. Now he had the pain of that whole day plus this physical pain from his bender and he didn't even get to remember any of it. It was all a dream like blur that mushed together.   
  
When he finally felt like he was done crying, he stood up slowly and washed the grime of three days off of him. He admittedly felt better, both from the mini crying session and the shower. At least he felt like he could get up and function for the day. He'd be sore but, whatever, it was better than sitting around and moping. He'd been through tougher times, he'd get through this now.   
  
He suddenly heard a loud bang outside the door, startling him. He turned the shower off, only wrapping a towel around his waist as he walked out. Murdoc was greeted with a giant meaty hand to his shoulder as he was slammed against the wall next to the bathroom.   
  
"Ack! Christ, easy…" he growled, looking up to see one of Nick's security guards. He didn't struggle once he figured out who it was, there was no point. "Honestly I'm surprised it took you bastards this long to drag me back, you're slacking." He said, hissing when the guy pushed on his shoulder harder.   
  
He heard a loud noise of something breaking coming from Ethan’s room and some muffled sounds that he assumed was only the man himself. Another giant guy came out with the Ethan gagged and his hands bound, looking a little frightened, rightfully so.   
  
Murdoc scoffed, "Really? The kid isn't going to hurt anyone, did you even ask nicely? Or is tying and gagging your thing, because I have a special on Thursday nights where-"   
  
"Shut up and move Murdoc. Nick isn't happy and you know how he gets when he isn't happy…" the one holding onto him said.   
  
Murdoc rolled his eyes. "That fucker isn't ever happy. Why does this make any difference?" The guy didn't say anything as they started to lead both of them outside. Murdoc was able to throw his Cuban boots on as they sat by the door. Then they were escorted to a black car with blackened windows, one of Nick's cars.   
  
"Don't I get some clothes first or am I just being hand delivered to get fucked?" He growled. He was actually slightly embarrassed about all the bruises and he never got a chance to bandage his hand again.   
  
"Shut up Murdoc, or I'm gagging you like your friend here." One of the men growled as they shoved the guys into the back seats. Murdoc crossed his arms and frowned as they drove to Pandora's Box. Meanwhile, Ethan shook next to him, clearly panicking and trying to talk. Murdoc looked to him.   
  
"Calm down Ethan, you shouldn't be in trouble, I'll tell Nick what happened." He wasn't sure if what he was saying was helping or not, he could understand why it'd be terrifying, but it'd happened a few times with him now, he was used to it. It was very… mafia like… just like a movie. Murdoc chuckled to himself at the idea. If life was like a movie he sure as hell wouldn't be a prostitute… or if he was, he would have gotten help already right? He scoffed at the absurd fairy tale. He looked out the window at the passing buildings and people walking around with their boring lives… he'd give anything for boring at the moment.   
  
Ethan talked with his gag in his mouth the entire way there, even after Nick's guys threatened to throw him in the trunk. Even Murdoc wanted him to shut up, he wasn't in the mood for any of this really. He wanted to go home and sleep.   
  
When they reach work, they dragged a still struggling Ethan out of his side and Murdoc they just grabbed by his arm, he came willingly. He knew struggling was pointless and running around in only a towel didn't sound pleasant at all. He became slightly nervous as they walked down the hallway to the lounge. Upon entering, they found Nick at the bar with a smoke and a brandy. He seemed agitated, which was only confirmed when he saw Murdoc, angrily finished his drink and put out his cigarette. Murdoc knew he needed to do or say something or he was going to really be hurting.   
  
"Well, well, well, looks like they finally found you Murdoc and it looks like you were with…" he turned to take a look at Ethan, who finally stopped struggling. “Evan? No... Ethan. That's right." He walked up to the guy and pulled the gag out of his mouth.   
  
"Sir, I was just-" he started to plead his case, but was quickly silenced by Ethan's hand to his mouth.   
  
"Shush. You'll only speak when your answering questions got it?" He waited till Ethan nodded then took his hand away. Ethan, surprisingly remained quiet, but he still shook like a five pound Chihuahua. Nick turned his attention back to Murdoc. He looked him up and down, his lips pursing as he did, his eyes turning hard and cold. Murdoc frowned and averted his gaze towards the bar.   
  
Nick looked up at his men, "Why the fuck is he only in a towel?"   
  
"Sorry sir." the one holding Murdoc said. "He was in the shower when we went in." Murdoc tried to use the opportunity to pull away, but the grip on his arm grew tighter, to which Murdoc sighed and stopped struggling.   
  
"So you didn't have time to get him a pair of pants at least?" Nick said coldly. He walked up to the man holding Murdoc, getting close to his face. He was actually shorter than his guard, but still more intimidating.   
  
"How do you think it fucking looks when you drag a near naked, bruised man and a gagged and bound man into my establishment? I don't give a fuck if it is daytime and no one's around." Nick hissed at the man, a mere inches away from his face.   
  
"Sorry sir, it won't happen again." The guard said, trying to remain professional.   
  
Nick spat back barely audible to even Murdoc, "Of course it won't happen again or I'll kill you myself." Murdoc watched as the guard just nodded and kept his professional demeanor. Impressive really, especially when Nick was so clearly pissed. He wasn't one to mess with when pissed, Murdoc learned that the hard way.   
  
Nick turned his attention back to Murdoc. "Let him go." He said, and Murdoc felt the grip disappear off his arm. He tried to head to the bar for a drink when Nick took hold of his arm instead, angrily pulling him around so he could take a look at all the bruises on him.  
  
"Christ, easy mate." He growled, which Nick seemed to ignore. He cupped Murdoc's jaw and turned his head back and forth then noticed Murdoc's injured hand. He let go of his jaw and grabbed his wrist, making sure to avoid the knuckles as he pulled it up to examine.   
  
"What the fuck did you do here? Is this related to all the bruises? Did you get into a fight? Fuck, Murdoc I can see bone and one of them looks infected. What the fuck? Start explaining yourself." He demanded, his gave meeting Murdoc's eyes. Murdoc frowned. He knew that look, Nick was in business mode, he was silently calculating how long Murdoc would need to heal before he could work again and that meant less money.  
  
Murdoc clenched his jaw and looked down at the floor before answering. "Well…" he said vehemently, "After I was thrown to the dogs like a chew toy," he pointed towards his neck where the bite marks still showed, "and we had our lovely discussion regarding debt, I walked to an alley, punch at the brick for a time, went home and had this one here take me to get blitzed." He pointed to Ethan. He also purposefully left out Stuart, partially because he didn't want to think about that mess and partially because he didn't want Stuart on Nick's radar.   
  
"Apparently we had a bunch of fun on a bender and then I woke up sore as hell, tried to take a shower and was rudely interrupted by these fuckheads here who dragged me out in my towel. To be fair, I wasn't entirely sure where my clothes were." He shrugged. "Now can I please, for the love of Satan, have a drink?" He glared up at Nick, who glared back before reluctantly letting go of Murdoc's arm. Murdoc walked up to the bar and hopped onto the stool, leaning over the bar to grab the nearest rum bottle he could find. He then sat back on the stool and used Nick’s glass to pour his rum into.   
  
"Why did you say apparently had fun? You can't remember?" Nick said coldly.   
  
Murdoc turned to him slightly, "Yeah. I don't remember shit. Ask Ethan. Everything's a big blur to me." He said, downing part of his drink. He shivered, it tasted good… he could tell he hadn't eaten in a while because after a few minutes his stomach felt incredibly sour and he was already feeling the very subtle effects of it.   
  
Nick turned to Ethan. "What'd you guys do the entire time? Be honest, or I have ways of finding out the truth…" he threatened the poor kid. Ethan, not wanting to have anything broken, quickly confessed.   
  
"I swear! All we did was have sex. He asked me to pick him up so we could drink, I brought him to a friend’s house, we drank, I gave him some shit to help him out, then he tried to blow me at the party so I took his horny ass to my place and we literally fucked for two and a half days straight. He really likes it rough, hence the bruises. Please I swear, that was it!" He pleaded until Nick held his hand up to silence him again.   
  
Murdoc took another drink as Nick seemed to consider if Ethan was being truthful or not. "You didn't let Murdoc out of your sight once two nights ago?" Nick asked Ethan. The kid frantically shook his head.  
  
"No man, I swear. Murdoc kept me by him at all times, we didn't even leave to grab food, I ordered in. I-in fact I have receipts that puts us at our house every single day. I swear." He was silenced by Nick again, who then turned his attention back to Murdoc.   
  
"And you can't remember anything?" He asked him once more. Murdoc growled.   
  
"No! I can't fucking remember shit. My ass, hips, fuck, my entire body is sore, I don't want to play 20 questions right now. Why is this so important?" He glared at Nick who stared coldly back at him for a few moments before answering.   
  
"Watch your tone Murdoc." He said sternly. "First I need to make sure you didn't suck everyone's dick, but since you can't remember I'm going to have you make sure you're still clean and I need to know who slashed my fucking tires!" He yelled at him, clearly pissed. Murdoc looked at him curiously.   
  
"Tires? Why would you think I slashed your bloody tires?" He asked. That sounded like a death sentence for Murdoc, he knew how much Nick loved his cars.   
  
"Who else would?!" He asked, losing a bit of his composure before straightening out his posture, fixing his suit, and running a hand through his greased hair, all while taking a deep breath. He looked at Murdoc, waiting for an answer.  
  
After a few moments of silence, Murdoc shrugged, "I dunno. You're a prick, anyone's a suspect really." He said, taking another drink. He didn't see Nick walk over before he grabbed a handful of Murdoc's hair and yanking his head back painfully to get his attention. Murdoc grunted in pain, one hand reaching back for Nick's hand in his hair and the other gripping the counter so he didn't fall back off the stool.   
  
"Listen here, Murdoc." Nick hissed close to his ear. "I'm not in the mood for games you little shit head." He looked at Ethan who was shaking and panicking. "Are you sure you wanna stick with your answer that it wasn't you and Murdoc who slashed my tires?" Ethan replied with a whimper and a nod. He turned back to Murdoc, whose head was still pulled back by his hair.   
  
Murdoc gave a frustrated grunt, his head starting to hurt. "If you think it was me then add it to my debt! The amount for new tires is nothing compared to what I still owe you." He hissed, trying to glare at Nick. Nick looked at him a moment longer before finally deciding to let go of his hair, but he stayed close. Murdoc sat up straight and rubbed the pain from his head.   
  
"Christ Nick, you keep doing that and I'm going to go bald." Murdoc grumbled as he finished his the rum in his glass. Nick leaned forward, resting on the counter next to Murdoc.   
  
"You're lucky I like you and you make me so much money Murdoc. I'd kick your ass right now. Understand? And as a matter of fact, I believe our friend Ethan over there. I've seen you on a few benders before, you do get surprisingly horny." He said as he walked over to Ethan. He motioned for them to let him go.   
  
When he was free he left, quickly. Murdoc gave him a wave, "Bye Ethan." He said after he was already out the door. He looked down at the glass in his hand, a little upset at the thought of another ruined friendship. Maybe he wasn't meant to have any friends. He wasn't meant to have a band, he wasn't meant to have a life…   
  
Nick clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about a bunch of dropped called I've been getting, do you?" Nick asked, bringing him from his thoughts. Murdoc looked at him.   
  
"What do you mean? Like you keep getting called that drop off randomly or what?" He asked. Nick shrugged.   
  
"I keep getting calls that, when I answer, have no one on the line. I know it's not you, I traced it and it's coming from somewhere up north. I don't know… it's been a crazy couple days." he said with a sigh. Murdoc nodded in agreement.   
  
"Go get tested, make sure you're still clean. Then take a few days to heal those bruises, then come back to work. I'm serious. I'll be checking on you daily." He said, giving Murdoc's shoulder a squeeze and walking off. Murdoc frowned, Nick always gave him whiplash when it came to how he treated Murdoc. One moment he wanted to kill him, the next he seemed caring. It was too much for him at the moment.   
  
He reached over and grabbed the rum again, pouring more into his glass. He sat there in his towel and sipped on the drink, ignoring anyone that happened to walk by. Thankfully, when he finished, he was able to go to his room and grab a spare pair of clothes he left here for emergencies. When he was dressed, he walked to the nearest clinic as instructed by Nick and then went home. They had been kind enough to properly treat and bandage his knuckles for him, so hopefully he wouldn't have to worry about infection. They told him to come back in if it got worse. He agreed but knew he probably wouldn't. By the time he reached his apartment, he felt even more sore from the walk and sick from the empty stomach and rum. He trudged inside the building, half in a daze. He didn't even notice Mrs. Ehrenfeld come up to him till she touched his shoulder to get him to stop walking. He flinched and looked at her.   
  
"Murdoc, honey. What's wrong? Where have you been? I've been worried about you since you came in looking upset a few days ago." She said, her hand coming up to look at the marks on his neck. He kept his gaze off her, looking off to the side, saying nothing.   
  
"I'm fine." He said, trying to turn and walk up to his apartment. He wasn't in the mood to talk. Mrs. Ehrenfeld wasn't going to let him leave without an explanation however. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards her with a surprising about of force.   
  
"Murdoc Niccals, you don't get to just turn and walk away after scaring me like that. You'll talk to me right now, or so help me god…" she said sternly, looking extremely worried. Murdoc appreciated how she could threaten him in a way that was still full of love. He just turned and looked at her, unable to say anything, unsure of where to start or how much to tell her. He felt broken.  
  
"I don't want to do it anymore…" he whispered at her, still not looking at directly at her. He felt her hand come up to his cheek.  
  
"Honey, what do you mean, do what?" She asked softly.   
  
Murdoc swallowed the lump in his throat and finally looked straight into her soul, a little teary eyed. He felt a mix of rage, pain, and sadness all at once. After admitting what he just did, he couldn't keep it in anymore.   
  
"I don't want to do _this_! Living! Why is it so fucking hard?!" He snapped, clenching his teeth, trying to hold everything he felt in as it began to boil over.   
  
"Why do I have to do this?! Why do I have to ruin everything? Why did I have to do that?!" He said between clenched teeth, obviously talking about Stuart, but she wouldn't know that. He felt hot tears start to poor down his face and he hated himself even more. He wanted to wait till he got to his bed at least, but apparently his breakdown would happen now, in the hallway, in front of his landlord.   
  
Mrs. Ehrenfeld pulled him close into a hug and that just opened the flood gates. He started silently sobbing into her shoulder, wrapping his arms around her tightly, finally realizing he'd needed this hug for a long time now. She stood there quietly as he let out everything he'd been putting off for so long. She kept him in a tight hug, a hand running up and down his back in a comforting manner.   
  
Murdoc was embarrassed with himself, with how much he'd cried in the last few days. He supposed it was overdue. Before now he couldn't remember the last time he'd cried… maybe when he'd finally realized six years ago that his life as he'd known it was over. This is what he got for holding everything in all the time.   
  
He didn't know how long he'd been standing there in Mrs. Ehrenfeld's hug, but he knew when he was done, he still didn't want to let go. He just stood there, hugging her, his head pounding and his body aching. He didn't want to climb those stairs and she seemed to sense that she slowly unwrapped her arms from him, moving to put one around his shoulder and walking him to her apartment. He didn't fight it, he was too tired and worn out to.   
  
She lead him to her apartment and instead of sitting him at her table like she normally did, she led him to her couch and told him to take his boots off as she left the room for a moment, which he obediently did. He set them to the side and just waited for Mrs. Ehrenfeld to come back. He stared at his bandaged knuckles while waiting, feeling… nothing. He felt completely numb, besides the physical aches.   
  
She came back in with a giant knitted blanket, one side had a soft fur like material, and the other was some knitted pattern he didn't bother trying to make out. Before he could say anything she pushed him to the side to lay down and threw the blanket over him. He tried to feebly protest, but she pushed him down and literally tucked him in. Murdoc would have laughed if he didn't feel so horrid.   
  
"Mrs. Ehrenfeld, you really don't need to-" he started.   
  
"Shush, Murdoc. You're going to rest, then you can decide if you want to talk to me when you've had a bit of sleep under you, okay? I won't hear any talk back Murdoc." She said sternly. He knew there was nothing he could say or do. If he tried to leave, she'd drag him back and make him stay. He honestly didn't even have the strength for it at the moment, so he gave in and relaxed, feeling, for the first time, how badly his body really ached. Regardless, it took no time for him to fall into a deep sleep.   
  
He apparently had multiple dreams but none of them stuck except one. It started out with him playing a bass, and not just any bass, a beautifully crafted reddish purple flying V bass. It felt alive as he plucked the strings. He looked to be writing in some type of living room, one he'd never seen before. He was playing a song and apparently working on writing it. He kept plucking a bassline he didn't recognize, he was starting to get frustrated when he didn't know where to take it or what lyrics to add.    
  
Suddenly, he heard as he played, "I don't pull me down, I don't pull me down on me. I don't pull me down, I don't pull me down on you." He looked up and saw Stuart walk in, a giant smile on his face as he sang for him. Murdoc couldn't help be smile back. He was carrying a glass of tea, Murdoc knew without even asking because he could smell the peppermint, it was all too familiar. He went and sat down next to Murdoc on the couch, getting comfortable. Murdoc stopped strumming and put the bass down in the stand next to him.   
  
He eager turned back around only to find Stuart gone. He frowned and looked around the unfamiliar living room. He noticed the tea was still here, a small stream of steam rising from it. He couldn't have gone far right? He felt a sense of dread wash over him for no reason. He began to panic.   
  
Suddenly a child walked into the room, which turned into his old childhood home's living room. This wasn't just any child, it was him. A mess of black fluffy hair surrounding a dirty face. A Band-Aid rested on his cheek, covering a scrape from Satan knows what. He watched as the kid of maybe five walked over to his father, who was asleep in his chair in front of the TV. Murdoc was familiar with this scene and he knew what happened next, but he still watched, frozen in place.   
  
The child walked up to his father and stared at the passed out man. He was hungry and hoped his father would make him something, sometimes he did. If his father was in a really good mood, he'd cut the crusts off for him, but that was rare… really rare.   
  
The child decided his hunger outweighed his fear of waking up his drunken father. He shook Sebastian’s arm, "Dad… I'm hungry…" he said, but was too quiet over the snores Sebastian let out. Little Murdoc pouted and began to shake his arm harder. Murdoc tried to warm him to stop, as he knew the outcome of this, but it was too late. Sebastian groaned and snapped his hand across little Murdoc's face, cutting his lip and falling backwards onto his butt.   
  
"Sod off, you little shit." His father grumbled and turned in his chair to continue sleeping. Little Murdoc touched his lip and saw the blood. Giant tears spilled out from his eyes and down his dirty cheeks, leaving streaks. He knew better than too outwardly cry or his father would "give him something to really cry about."   
  
Murdoc watched as little Murdoc walked to the kitchen working to stop the flow of tears. He decided to make his own food, quite poorly. He made a peanut butter sandwich since he couldn't find the jelly. Little Murdoc walked over near his older self, which he didn't see or acknowledge, his tears having stopped at some point during the making of his sandwich. His lip was swollen, but he didn't care. He was too hungry to care.   
  
He watched as little Murdoc ate that horribly made sandwich. He remembered it tasted awful, the peanut butter getting stuck to the roof of his mouth, but he didn't care. That was the first sandwich he ever made all on his own. It was that moment that he'd made up his mind, whether he knew it or not, that he didn't need help. He wouldn't ask for it and he wouldn't expect it. He never asked his father for anything after that ever again and his father didn't seem to care. The dream faded out and melded with others he couldn't remember, they became just one big blur.   
  
When he woke up, he woke ever so slowly and had to wait till he could finally feel their extremities again. He waited to feel the throbbing he'd fallen asleep with, but it wasn't there. Neither was the pain in his head. He was thankful, but he did notice a small weight on his chest that… purred? He cracked an eye open and found himself face to face with a set of bright green eyes surrounded by obsidian black fur. He chuckled and brought a hand up from underneath the blanket to pet him. He was unbelievably soft and seemed to enjoy the little scratches to his ear.   
  
"I see you're finally up, dear. Feeling better?" Mrs. Ehrenfeld said as she walked into the room with a cup of tea. She had her little white head of hair up in curlers and a pair of reading glasses on. Murdoc squinted a bit and started to sit up, the cat taking the opportunity to push off his chest to get up onto the back of the couch.   
  
When he was fully up, he rest against the back, stretching and enjoying not being in pain. He sniffed and looked around, still feeling in a bit of a daze. Mrs. Ehrenfeld, meanwhile, sat in a giant recliner next to the couch, sitting back and drinking her tea. It was silent, save for some purring and a few meows here and there. It was comfortable though, not awkward. It was a nice change of pace from the last couple days.   
  
Murdoc finally decided to speak after he woke up a bit more. He rubbed his eyes, "How long was I out for?" Mrs. Ehrenfeld sat there silent for a moment, stirring her tea. The clinking her spoon made on the edges of the glass seemed incredibly loud in the silence.

“Well… you slept all of yesterday, all of last night, and it’s now…” she looked up at a nearby clock on the wall, “almost nine thirty… at night.” She chuckled and took a sip of her tea. Murdoc sat up straighter, surprised.

“Fuck, I mean… uh, shit, sorry.” He flinched at his swearing. He had no idea if she was offended by that kind of talk or not. “Uh. I slept over 12 hours?” He asked. Mrs. Ehrenfeld nodded after chuckling from his swearing.

“Yeah, I really think you needed it, dear. You should listen to your body from time to time, Murdoc… I see those bruises all over you…” she was silent for a moment. “Are you ready to talk about what happened? You gave me quite a scare young man. You come in, clearly upset, ignored me and ran up to your apartment. I don’t see you for days and suddenly you show up bruised and you crying your poor little heart out.” She said, putting her tea down and turning to look at him. Murdoc kept his gaze down, unable to look at her. Instead he grabbed the nearby black cat and brought it to his lap. Thankfully the cat didn’t protest, instead sitting down and letting Murdoc use him as a distraction for his hands. He was thankful Mrs. Ehrenfeld wasn’t pushing him for answers. He knew she was hoping for one, but wouldn’t hold it against him if he decided not to talk.

He was conflicted. If he told her what happened would she think less of him? That was his main concern, he really didn’t want to lose another person in his life, not right now. He did tell her before what his job was and she was supportive of him anyways… he decided to tell her, he knew he wouldn’t lose her.

“Was it a client again honey?” She said before he could say anything, a sympathetic look on her face. Murdoc shook his head, but then nodded, finally settling on a shrug and a sigh.

“I… well, sort of. I’ll just start from the beginning. I’ve had this… client. He’s been giving me issues before.” Obviously he didn’t go into details regarding the job portion or the gifts Jeffrey had left him. “He gave me the bites on my neck. Then I finally talked with my boss about my debt I owe…” He said softly. Mrs. Ehrenfeld waited patiently for him to continue. “I still owe… half of what it was.” He whispered, looking back down at the cat as he pet him. He heard a small gasp from Mrs. Ehrenfeld.

“No! Are you serious? Oh my… sweetie I’m so sorry… Is it the rent? I can make it lower. You know what? No, I’ll make it free for a while. Will that help?” She said frantically, obviously shocked at how much he still owed. She knew the amount because he had told her the first time he ever broke down with her. Murdoc looked back up at her and shook his head.

“No. No. I want to pay rent. Please. I can’t live here for free. I won’t. It’s a pride thing, you know? I need… something normal… paying rent is normal…” he hoped he was making sense. Honestly, he just didn’t want to feel like he was ripping her off, she didn’t deserve that at all. He decided to continue to the harder part of the story.

“I was obviously upset. I left work, punched a wall,” he held up his bandaged hand, to which Mrs. Ehrenfeld gave him a slightly disapproving, but sympathetic look, “and then I… went to see a friend. I liked this friend. He was the one that I was hoping to start my band with, but I ruined it. I ruined it by doing something stupid and now everything’s just…” He trailed off, looking back down at the cat. He wasn’t feeling much better talking about it. He didn’t feel like crying anymore, thank Satan, but the wound still felt fresh. If anything he felt hurt, but sort of numb otherwise.

“I went on a bender, lost about three days. I still remembered everything though when I woke up.” He looked up at her once more. “I thought drugs were supposed to fry your brain? Make you forget thing, yeah? That’s all I wanted.” He sighed and flopped back onto the couch, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes in frustration. Mrs. Ehrenfeld remained quiet for another moment.

“Honey. You can’t just expect your mind to forget everything. Getting hurt is a part of life. Love is a part of life, heartbreak is a part of life.” She said calmly, taking another sip of her drink.

Murdoc nearly choked, “What do you mean love? Why are you bringing up love?” He growled, looking up at her popcorn textured ceiling.

“Aren’t you talking about that tall blue haired boy you brought around once in a while?” She asked.

“Well… yeah, but what does that have to do with it?” He asked her, reaching his hand up to pet the cat still sitting obediently on him, having adjusted slightly on his lap to the change in positions.

“Did I read your situation with him wrong? I don’t think I did. I may be old, but I’m still sharp as a nail.” She laughed and grabbed her needle point out of a wicker basket located on a small table near her chair. Murdoc sat up, the cat jumping off him from the sudden movement, and squinted at her.

“What are you on about woman?” He asked, clearly confused. Mrs. Ehrenfeld just shook her head and shrugged.

“I guess if you don’t know, there’s no need for me to tell you Murdoc. Anyways, how are you feeling now? I was a little worried to let you go anywhere when you said you didn’t want to live anymore. You said it was too hard. Listen to me and you listen good, young man.” She suddenly said sternly, pointing her needle at him. He straightened up a bit, a little afraid of her sudden change in tone.

When she felt she had his full attention she continued, “I never want to hear those words fall from your mouth again. If you feel that way you come to me, you understand? I do not want you alone during a time like that. You are too important to me to lose. You understand? I know your job is hard and your life has been so unfair Murdoc, believe me sweetie, I understand all too well, but you are a fighter. You are Murdoc Niccals and you are not a quitter and you never will be.” Murdoc listened to her words, a little warmth filling his chest. She was always the best motivational speaker, even if he didn’t really feel like fighter at the moment.

“Tell me you understand child, or so help me…” She added. Murdoc laughed at her little threat and nodded.

“Fine… I’ll keep going. Just for you… besides, if I, uh, quit… I know you’d come and kick my ass.” He smiled and winked at her. She stared at him a moment then started laughing.

“You’ve got that right, honey.” The room fell silent in a gentle calm once more. Murdoc looked down at his bandaged hand again, not really thinking about anything in particular. He felt better, but only slightly. The hurt was still there, but it was manageable. He heard the gentle clinks of Mrs. Ehrenfeld stirring her tea once more and suddenly he remembered his dream. He thought back to the actual memory, one of his first memories actually. It wasn’t as clear as the dream, but he remembered enough of it. He remembered how much it had hurt to get slapped by his father. If only he’d known that was the first of many, maybe it wouldn’t have seemed so devastating at the time.

He was convinced the dream and Mrs. Ehrenfeld were right. He wasn’t going to just give up. That wasn’t his style. This was a serious blow this time, and it hurt like hell, but he’d keep fighting. He nodded to no one in particular, feeling determined for the first time in what felt like forever. He got up, folding the blanket Mrs. Ehrenfeld had given him and set it on the couch. The other cat, white and fluffy, immediately claimed it as his new perch. Murdoc smiled at him and scratched his ear. He then looked at Mrs. Ehrenfeld, who was back to her needle point.

“Thank you…” He said softly. He was still slightly embarrassed he’d had another breakdown with her, but it turned into a more positive experience with zero bloody knuckles. She put down her needle point, got up out of her chair and gave him a big hug. He hugged her back, a small smile appearing on his face. She pulled away slightly and looked at him. She brought a hand up and fixed a few loose strands of hair, then ran her hands up his forehead pushing his fringe out of his eyes.

“Murdoc, you’re such a handsome young man, why don’t you get rid of this hairdo and style it differently. You have different colored eyes. How are people supposed to see that if you have your hair covering them? And look, you have eyebrows. Who knew?” She chuckled, especially after he wiggled his eyebrows up and down, smiling wide.

“Mrs. Ehrenfeld, I feel like you’re implying I don’t already get everyone’s attention with my smoldering good looks.” He acted offended, to which she shook her head while laughing. She brought her hand down to his cheek, touching him gently.

“You have a good heart Murdoc. Even if you don’t like to admit it.” She brought her hand down and pat his chest over his heart. “I know how you kids are nowadays, trying to act all tough, but it’s okay to let it out once in a while. It’s what makes you human, honey.” She looked in the eyes, nothing but sincerity in her tone. He nodded, which made her smile.

“Good, now take care of yourself okay? Nothing strenuous, you need to relax.” She said sternly as she walked with him to her door after he put his boots on. “Your mind, body, and soul have been through a lot, they need to rest.”

“I don’t think I need to rest, I’ve already lost about four days now Mrs. Ehrenfeld.” He said, partially joking. He still couldn’t believe he slept that long, but it did help with his aches so that was definitely worth it in his opinion. She gave him a stern look and he nodded to her advice, assuring her he would rest. He had to wait for his bruises to heal anyways. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and a final hug before heading up to his apartment.

Thankfully he had been smart enough to leave his wallet and keys behind, his key being hidden behind the fire extinguisher at the end of the hallway his door was located in. He’d have lost those along with his clothes most likely. When he entered his apartment, he immediately locked his door and flopped onto his bed, somehow still exhausted. It was short lived when his stomach made its appearance by growling loud enough for the entire apartment complex to hear, or so he felt. He realized part of his exhaustion was from his lack of food he’d eaten over the last two days, so he begrudgingly got up and made himself a quick egg on toast. He ate it in heartbeat and, before he knew it, made three more, all of which he scarfed down without hesitation.

While eating, he replayed everything in his head once more time, starting with his time with Jeffery up until Mrs. Ehrenfeld. It hurt but he decided he could finally deal with it. He hated to admit it but he replayed the part with Stuart over and over a few times. _Why did I kiss him?_ Was all he could ask himself. _It had felt right at the time, but what does that mean exactly?_ He shook his head and sighed in frustration. He knew it didn’t matter now, the kid blew him off and probably didn’t want anything to do with him now…

“Fucking idiot…” He said to himself, staring at his empty plate. He decided to move on and keep going. He’d find another singer, which pained him to think about, and he’d find another friend… somewhere. He wasn’t going to give up just yet, Mrs. Ehrenfeld was definitely right about that. He eventually took his plate to the sink and got into his bed again, sleep finding him once more.  

He spent the next month keeping his head down and working hard to snag as many clients as he could. Thankfully he hadn’t run into Jeffery, and the issues between Murdoc and Nick sort of stayed swept under a rug, as if they never happened. That was fairly normal between them, however, so Murdoc wasn’t worried. He was surprised to see Ethan again. The kid was happy to see Murdoc, obviously, but seemed a little more afraid of Nick, which he thought was hilarious. He gave Ethan shit for it each and every time, which he paid for every time he blew the guy. He felt it was worth it though, the little prick deserved to be teased a bit. His knuckles ended up healing nicely, leaving only scars as reminders. Everything was looking better.

Life seemed to continue as normal, minus Stuart. It really hurt for a week or two, he missed the kid a lot and the continuous pain of losing his best opportunity at his dream made it worse. He walked down the street for Uncle Norm’s too many times to count, turning down an alley each and every time a few businesses from the shop. He couldn’t seem to get any closer anymore, it was too painful. Every time he imagined trying to talk to Stuart again, that look from after he’d kissed him kept appearing in his thoughts. That fucking look. He couldn’t take that, not again.

One evening, when he was walking downtown heading to work, a shop window caught his eye. It was a music store, but it appeared to have a variety of instruments and in the window was a melodica. He remembered Stuart talking about how much he liked playing them, especially when he was a kid. He never got to hear him play as the shop only had a broken one. Against his better judgement, he bought the one in the window.

When he got to work he realized he had no idea what the hell he was going to do with it. He didn’t play it and he didn’t know how he was going to get it to Stuart without having to see him. He actually ended up having the thing sit on his kitchen table, almost mocking him for a good week before he came up with a way to get rid of it. He remembered Stuart had mentioned his birthday was soon, but Murdoc couldn’t remember the exact day. He was stuck between thinking it was May 23rd or the 28th. He settled with the 23rd, thinking it wouldn’t hurt to give him the gift early.

On the early morning of the 23rd, after his shift at work, he walked to Uncle Norm’s for the millionth time, determined not to veer off last minute. It shouldn’t be hard this time, it was too early for the shop to be open or for Stuart to even be there to start his opening tasks. As he walked up the street, he looked down at his nicely wrapped gift. He’d asked the girls he worked with to wrap it for him as his many attempts to wrap had ended in utter disaster. They had happily agreed, and did a bloody good job, even adding a sweet little bow to it. He thought the bow was maybe too much, but he wasn’t going to waste their hard work.  

He didn’t have a card with this, only a little note that read ‘Happy 20th Birthday’. He didn’t even sign it. He couldn’t. He wanted Stuart to enjoy it, not be disgusted by the thought of Murdoc kissing him every time he played it. That last thought hurt, quite a bit actually, so he pushed the feeling down and focused on his walk. He made himself walk forward, made himself set the present down on the doorstep of the shop, then made himself turn and leave. With the sun starting to crest the horizon, painting it with golds, blues, and oranges, he knew Stuart would be there soon. He walked down a nearby alley, towards home, lighting a cigarette as he walked. He essentially let fate decide if Stuart would get it now.

He hated to admit it, but he spent the rest of the day in his apartment wondering if Stuart got the present. He wondered if he liked it, or if he’d even fucking use it. He kept second guessing whether the kid had said he played it or if he just liked the sound or if he’d imagined everything and it was all for naught. He also wondered if he’d know it was from him. There’s no way he’d know, the kid was not the sharpest tool in the shed, there’s no way he could piece that together. More than likely, if he did receive it, he’d think one of his customers left it for him. He’d probably already forgotten about Murdoc… He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. That thought hurt him the most, out of any of the other thoughts.

As if the universe knew he needed a distraction, there was a soft knock at his door. He got up from his bed, hoping it was Mrs. Ehrenfeld and not one of the neighbors. He noticed they were quite nosy sometimes, especially if they caught wind of his job. One time there was even a petition to try to get Murdoc kicked out, saying he wasn’t family friendly enough to live there, being a whore and everything. At a meeting for the apartment complex residents, he’d been ready to tell Mrs. Ehrenfeld he’d pack his stuff to not cause her anymore grief. Instead, she took the petition that was signed by a majority of the residents and crumpled it up in front of everyone. He had actually laughed, which didn’t help at all. Quite a few tenants had left, but the spaces were easily filled and life went on. Murdoc had actually saved up and bought her a red velvet cake, one of her favorites, which she gladly shared with him. He smiled at the memory as he opened the door, hoping it was her. His smile dropped, changing into one of complete shock as he saw who had knocked on his door.

“Stuart…” He whispered. In front of him, Stuart stood looking at him with a straight, almost questioning face. He took note that Stuart appeared to still be in his nicer work attire, having come straight here after work apparently. Murdoc looked down and noticed he was holding the melodica, unpackaged. It was a gorgeous blue, similar to his hair, something Murdoc may or may not have done intentionally. He looked back up, meeting the kid’s gaze.

“Was this you?” Stuart asked, keeping his unwavering gaze on Murdoc. Murdoc started to panic. He wondered if the kid figured it out and was here to give it back. He hadn’t even thought of that option. He bit his lip, contemplating lying.

“No. I don’t know what you’re-” He started to say, but was interrupted.

“Murdoc. Was this you?” He said more sternly, a hint of desperation for a straight answer in his eyes. He knew when Murdoc was lying, there was no point in trying. Murdoc sighed and looked down, clinging to the door for support. He swallowed, trying to keep the bile down.

“Y...yeah. It w-” He was stopped when Stuart suddenly closed the gap between them, hugging him tightly. Murdoc was knocked back a bit with the force of it, both men stumbling back further into his apartment. He tried to register what was happening, but couldn’t. Was Stuart really here, hugging him no less? Without realizing it, Murdoc found himself hugging Stuart back, his face pushed into his shoulder, his familiar scent filling his nostrils again. His heart ached in his chest, but it was a good ache, a happy ache, as if his wounded heart was finally starting so stitch itself back together. It was a wonderful feeling.

The boys stood there hugging in silence for what felt like forever. Murdoc never wanted to let go and it appeared as if Stuart didn’t want to either. Finally, with a final tight squeeze, Stuart let go and backed up a bit, looking down at the melodica, smiling. Murdoc couldn’t help but wear a giant smile on his face as well. He didn’t know what to say so he just watched Stuart, still unsure if any of this was actually real honestly. How many dreams with similar scenarios had he had, only to be woken up to disappointment and more heartache? Too many to count really.

“Thank you…” Stuart said, finally looking back at Murdoc, his face glowing.

Murdoc nodded, “You’re welcome, kid.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, unsure of what to do with them. He was actually unsure of what to do with his entire body, feeling fairly self-conscious all of a sudden. He tried to remember when he’d last showered, hoping he didn’t smell like sex or cigarettes.

“I miss you.” Stuart threw at him, he felt his heart skip a beat. Those words, those simple three words were all he wanted to hear for a month now and he actually got to hear them. He smiled wide, unable to contain himself.

“Same… I-I mean me missing you, not, you know, me missing myself, obviously.” He stumbled nervously, finishing it off with a small laugh. He quickly cleared his throat and looked down. Stuart just chuckled, thankfully understanding what he meant. They stood there in silence once more, Stuart looking down at his melodica, with Murdoc glancing between the instrument and Stuart’s face. This had to be real, it was too awkward to be a dream. In his dreams he was usually a lot smoother, what he wouldn’t give for that at the moment.

“I, uh, I have to go, I have a party to get to. You know, the whole birthday thing. My parents are throwing a party… You’re still welcome to come if you want.” Stuart said, his tone sounding a little hopeful. Murdoc reluctantly shook his head.

“Sorry, kid. I’m shit at big parties and bringing a whore might not be the best idea.” He joked, shrugging his shoulders.

“I don’t care about that Murdoc. I don’t care if you’re a prostitute. You’re my friend and I want you around… Please.” He said with a sudden determination Murdoc wasn’t expecting. He was warmed by Stuart’s sincerity, but he still had to decline unfortunately.

“Sorry Stuart. You know I would if I could…” He felt his heart clench as the kid gave him a disappointed look. He prayed to Satan this wouldn’t turn into another incident, which it didn’t. Stuart ended up giving Murdoc a goofy grin.

“It’s okay Muds. I understand. I don’t work tomorrow, can we meet? Maybe talk a bit?” He asked, sounding hopeful once more. Murdoc didn’t even hesitate before nodding. He took note that Stuart called him Muds. Only Nick ever called him that once in a while, but it sounded so much better coming from his mouth. 

“Of course. Usual coffee house? 11 sound good?” Murdoc said naturally. It was as if nothing happened and they hadn’t been apart for over a month. He liked it, it felt right. Stuart nodded enthusiastically and gave Murdoc a quick hug again before running out the door, waving.

Murdoc stood there for maybe fifteen minutes, staring at the hallway through his wide open door. He kept questioning whether that actually happened or not. For once he decided to be optimistic, saying it did and he let himself get excited over seeing the kid again. He couldn’t believe it. Something was actually working in his favor for once. He even let himself hope that things would actually turn around for once. He kept that optimistic attitude the rest of the day, even as he walked to work. He had a smile the entire way, excited to get work done and over with. The quicker that happened, the quicker he got to see Stuart again.

He thought about how Stuart had acted. He didn’t seem upset and he didn’t seem disgusted. Maybe he’d be willing to just brush the kiss under the rug. Murdoc could chop it up to feeling vulnerable at the moment. He decided that’s what he’d tell Stuart. That it was just him in a vulnerable time and that he’d be professional from now on. He wanted to remain Stuart’s friend and his bandmate, and nothing would stop that from happening.

He suddenly heard footsteps behind him, footsteps he hadn’t noticed before. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt he was being watched and followed. He hadn’t had that feeling in a while, but he knew it all too well. He quickly turned around but saw no one. He turned around completely, making a full circle, looking in every direction and finally noticing just how devoid of people the street actually was. He became increasingly nervous, his instincts telling him to run.

He turned back around, ready to do just that when he was met face to face with a figure covered head to toe in black clothing, except for the clown mask he had on. Murdoc felt a surge of panic within him, especially when he noticed the man was holding a full syringe. Before he could even react, the syringe met his neck, the liquid administered instantaneously. Almost immediately his legs started to give out on him, but he still tried to back up, to get away. The clown made a grab for him just as he tripped backwards, with the last thing he saw being the darkening sky and the surrounding buildings. After that, darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. Hope you're enjoying it so far. :)


	6. Choose rather to be strong of soul than strong of body.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc deals with being kidnapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter quote by Pythagoras.  
> I apologize for taking so long with this chapter :( Been busy busy busy. I tried to make this chapter just a little longer than usual as an apology :C

"Oh you poor thing, what happened?" Murdoc heard as he sat at the bar, ready to take a sip of his whiskey. He stopped and looked over to where the voice was coming from and it was… Jacqueline? Janine? No… Jasmine. That was it. She was one of the first girls to talk to him here when he’d become their coworker. Before his forced employment, he had probably spent a night or two with all the girls here so he knew kind of knew all the ones who worked here. It was all around a bit of an awkward situation honestly, coming in one week as a client and the next he was their newest coworker.   
  
Jasmine was beautiful with her long black hair, soft, silky white skin, and the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. He wasn't completely convinced those weren't some type of contacts. Actually, all the girls here were beautiful. Nick always had an eye for the pretty ones and they were well taken care of to say the least. The big idiot always doted on them and got them whatever they needed. They were the backbone to his business after all.   
  
Then there was Murdoc. Young, forced to be here, semi decent looking in his opinion. He wasn't sure how he really fit into this equation… because he looked like a bottom to one of the biggest douchebags he’d ever met? An involuntary growl escaped him at remembering that comment from Nick.   
  
Suddenly he had an ice pack against his swollen lip, which made him hiss from the pressure, bringing him back to reality. Jasmine held the ice pack there for him, making him realize he had never answered her question. Jasmine didn’t seem to mind, however, as she currently wore a soft smile on her face and a sympathetic look. Murdoc didn't like it.   
  
"You can wipe that look off your face, I'm fine. I can take a hit, especially one as weak as this had been." He growled. He didn't reach up to take the ice pack away or hold it himself though. A small part of him wouldn't let him since he liked to be cared for once in a while too. It was something that rarely happened, so when it did, he didn't fight it.   
  
Jasmine shook her head. "I don't feel bad for you for the hit, I just feel bad for you all around. Going from client to worker, all because of Sebastian. I knew that man was dirty, but to do that to his own kid?" She shook her head disapprovingly. Murdoc looked at her curiously and gave her a sarcastic smirk.   
  
"Then I don't think you knew him very well." He laughed bitterly. "This was just the icing on the 'fuck you' cake before a final goodbye." He raised his glass as if to say cheers. Jasmine just shrugged.   
  
"I suppose. Some people are never meant to have children. You did get the short end of the stick, I'm sure, since you are _here._ " she said, gesturing to the now emptying lounge. It was about four in the morning, the night was almost over, which meant everyone crawled back to their holes till next time. Murdoc had always been a night person, but it was usually because he was busy fucking, drinking, and partying, not getting fucked.   
  
"So how'd you get that cut, anyways? You're not with any clients yet, so it had to be Nick right?" She asked, taking a look around the lounge to see if Nick was here, but he was nowhere in sight. Murdoc chuckled.   
  
"You won't see him. I bit him." He said with a devilish smile, one that said he won this round. Jasmines eyes widened in horror.   
  
"What? Why? How'd you get away with only a small busted lip?" She said in a hushed tone, as if talking about it out loud would bring Nick around.   
  
"I didn't..." Murdoc replied bitterly, losing that smile in a matter of seconds. Jasmine looked down at him and back up at his face, then slowly moved to lift up the bottom of his shirt. She lifted it slowly and gasped in horror as she began to see the purple and black bruises that painted his side. They looked incredibly painful and she was even surprised he was able to sit up with them. Even the brush of the shirt against them made him grimace.   
  
"How are… why are you here, you should be lying down, resting! That can't feel good." She said. She lightly put the shirt back down and looked at him with a new look of sympathy in her eyes. He scoffed.   
  
"Please. You think I haven't gotten my ass kicked before? Look at my nose." He muttered, pushing the ice pack away from his face and downing his drink. He then turned towards her in his seat, the slow and deliberate way he moved making it more apparent of his bodily injuries.  
  
"Thanks for the help, but I'm not here to make friends. I'm just trying to serve my time and get the hell out of here, yeah? I don't want to be 'one of the girls.' I don't give a shit about that or making friends. We aren't a family, we're coworkers." He muttered as he turned to get off the stool. He hopped down and walked away without another word.   
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Murdoc entered his room after showering, ready for the night to be over and to sleep, or attempt sleep. He hated sleeping in this hellhole. He couldn't ever get a restful sleep, even if he tried to drink before bed or use something else. It was a literal hell. He didn't know how any of the girls did it. He gave himself a quick once over in the mirror, happy to see the bruises on his sides were finally healed. They’d been a sickly yellow for a few weeks and he thought for sure they’d never heal.  
  
He'd been here three months and still wasn’t having any real clients yet. He was quick to get the hang of how things ran here. Everyone listened to Nick, everyone loved Nick, and in turn, he doted on his girls. Not Murdoc though. Their relationship was just a bit different. He continued to be a smartass but as long as he stayed out of Nick's way, he was fine. He just wanted to finish this stupid deal and be done with it, he just prayed it would take too long.    
  
He took the towel off around his waist and nearly threw it on his bed to get dressed, but something stopped him. A small package appeared to be sitting in the middle of his bed. A pastel blue colored package with ribbons and even a bow on it. He eyed it suspiciously before getting closer and reaching for it. There was a card on top, the envelope had "Mudsy" written on it. He took the card out, the front had a picture of a strawberry with words that read, "Wishing you the berry best birthday." He opened it and inside, written in big letters was, "Happy Birthday Murdoc. Enjoy the gift, feel free to share if you want. ;) Love, Jasmine."   
  
He huffed and put the card down, then began to unwrap the wrapping paper, being greeted by a small selection of chocolate covered strawberries. He chuckled and put the strawberries down, quickly putting on a pair of pants before grabbing the strawberries again and heading down the hallway to another door. He knocked and waited. Jasmine opened it, looking a little shocked to see him, but the shock quickly faded away to a smirk. She leaned on the door frame, blocking the way in with her other arm.   
  
"So, how does it feel to be an old man?" She teased. Murdoc laughed softly and shrugged.   
  
"Not all of us can still be 21. I may be five years older than you but my great breasts and ass say I'm still 18." He winked as she giggled. She took her hand down off the frame and offered him to come in.   
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Jasmine was crying next to Nick who was trying to comfort her. She had a black swollen eye. Her black hair she was normally so proud of was in complete disarray. Murdoc walked up and leaned down in front of her.   
  
"Jas, what happened?" He asked softly, glaring at Nick when she just leaned into him and sobbed. "What the fuck happened?" He snapped at Nick, who just scowled back at him.   
  
"A client. You know she deals with rougher clients… stuff like this happens sometimes." Nick said haughty manner. Murdoc scoffed as he beckoned one of the other girls nearby to bring him some ice. Jasmine only continued to sob.   
  
"This shouldn't happen _sometimes_!" Murdoc spat. "This shouldn't happen at all." He rubbed her back comfortingly. He ignored the nagging thoughts in his head of _Why do I care? I'm just doing my time and getting out_. He looked around to a few of the other girls, huddled around looking upset. He looked back at Nick.   
  
"I thought I was the only one who dealt with the rougher clients?" He asked. "That's what you said." Nick looked at him curiously.   
  
"No. I said you'd mainly deal with them, but I never said you'd deal with all of them. You know firsthand these girls deal with them too." He said. Murdoc clenched his jaw and pursed his lips. He tried to hold his tongue, but it didn't work. Seeing Jasmine the way she was tugged on some kind of heart string in him. One he hadn't really had tugged before. It made him feel slightly protective, not only to Jasmine, but the other girls as well.    
  
"Only I deal with them now. I can take them." He finally said as he was given the ice pack and held it up to Jasmine's eye. She held it and gave him a small thankful smile.   
  
"No... I can't have you have all of them." Nick replied, standing up and grabbing Murdoc's arm, pulling him to a more private area to talk. "Murdoc you have a majority of our… rougher clientele, but if you take theirs, you're going to be overburdened. How the hell am I going to have you work like that? Not to mention the ones that don't want to switch to a guy." He scoffed, pulling a cigarette out and offering Murdoc one. He obliged and took one, letting Nick light it for him. He puffed on it a bit, thinking.   
  
"Then you kick those ones to the curb. They can take what we give them or they can fuck off. No other place in town offers these kinds of services… well, there is one, but people go there if they also want a dose of STDs. I see how you dote on these girls, why are you letting them get hurt like this?" He asked sternly, pointing his cigarette at him as he talked. Nick didn't seem pleased to be scolded or told what to do, but he held his tongue and listened. They both remained silent for moment, smoking and thinking.   
  
"You sure you'd be willing to do that?" Nick finally questioned. "For all the girls, not just Jasmine?"  Nick looked back over at Jasmine and his girls, then back at Murdoc. Murdoc puffed on his cigarette a little longer before sighing and nodding.   
  
"Yeah, it's fine. Send them all my way." He said. He was already panicking as regret set in, but he forced it down. He'd never done anything like that for anyone else before. It gave him an odd feeling. One mixed with regret, but also a little bit of contentment. This was what it was like to do something for someone else… he could possibly get used to that. He smiled and walked back over to Jasmine.   
  
~~~~~~~  
  
His body felt heavy but numb at the same time. He felt comfortable, like he could stay here forever, but a very small but loud part of his mind told him, _Get up! Get up idiot! Get the fuck out of there._ He didn't want to. He wanted to stay with Jasmine. A wave of grief washed over him like cold water. Jasmine was dead. That was years ago. He'd almost forgotten about her. Another wave of grief crashed over him.   
  
The sounds of a door banging open caught his attention, pulling him from those thoughts. It was hard to focus though, his mind feeling like it was in a tar pit and focusing on anything new took too much effort. He found himself unable to open his eyes, his lids feeling like they had huge weights on them. His body still felt numb, but he could now tell he was being carried in someone's arms. His head was up against the chest of whoever was carrying him. He could tell he was being carried very carefully.   
  
He felt movement and then he was lying down on something soft. A couch or bed maybe. His body felt disconnected from his mind, ignoring his demands to move. No part of his body would listen to him. His own thoughts were slow. He felt someone tie his hands up and then tie them to something above his head. He could tell he was on a bed, so he was most likely getting tied up to a headboard. He knew this feeling, he'd been tied to many a corner posts in his day. He almost felt the need to laugh. He recognized that it wasn't because he was in a laughing mood, but because he was nervous and scared and he couldn't do anything about it. Nerves did funny things to people.   
  
He waited for his feet to be tied, but that never happened. He felt a bit of relief at his little bit of luck. He could kick if needed. He didn't hear anything for a few minutes, then he suddenly felt a hand caressing his cheek. He wanted to flinch, scream, kick, but he couldn't. The only thing that gave him away as being aware of his surroundings was his increased heartbeat. He realized he was also still clothed, which he thanked Satan for more than anything. The hand caressed his face gently and, as quickly as it was there, it was gone and he heard the person walking away from him. Then he heard the door close, followed by silence.   
  
He strained his hearing to see if he could hear anything that told him the person was still there, but they appeared to be gone. He felt a wave of relief wash over him and he felt his mind finally relax a bit, the haziness starting to take over once more. He felt mentally exhausted just from trying to focus while drugged.   
  
His thoughts drifted to what he last remembered. He had been in his apartment. He remembered being happy, but why? The color blue flashed in his mind. The melodica. Stuart! He remembered seeing Stuart, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember anything after. That was okay though. The thought of Stuart put him at ease for a moment. They had made up. Stuart had forgiven him. He wished he could manage a smile, but he settled for the sense of comfort the thought gave him.   
  
He vaguely remembered Stuart and him making plans to meet tomorrow… today? Shit. He didn't know how long he'd been out. Panic set in again as he knew he needed to get out of here, for multiple reasons, the main being not to die. He had too many plans, he wasn't dying now.   
  
He focused his thoughts on trying to open his eyes. He could somewhat move his eyes under the eyelids but the eyelids refused to budge. He kept working at it for what felt like hours. Finally, he felt them begin to flutter. He kept working at it till they finally opened ever so slowly. He had to blink agonizingly slow multiple times and his vision didn't seem to want to focus at all. Everything was a touch blurry, but he could tell he was in a dark room at the very least.   
  
He closed his eyes again, the strain and tired feeling that plagued his eyes forcing him to keep them closed for a little while after that. He had to struggle to keep his mind from wondering off, focusing back on only a single, meaningless thought. He was helpless against the pull, however, and his mind focused back on the comforting thoughts of Jasmine.   
  
He hadn't thought of her in years… she was the main reason he took all the rougher clientele since then. She had helped to get him to not just see the women he worked with as coworkers also, but as potential friends. Of course, he never became close with them like he did Jasmine. It more became a type of relationship where he helped them if they needed it and they helped him. He usually helped them when it came to small things like an emergency two in the morning feminine hygiene run to the store. None of the girls obviously wanted to walk to the store in the middle of the night and there was no way in hell Nick was going to do it. If he had the ability, he would laugh as the memory came up of the time he had to help one of the girls, right after Jasmine’s death. This was also the time he found out Nick was a giant wimp when it came to talking about certain feminine issues.

Murdoc had left his room on his night off to go catch a drink at one of the local bars, maybe go hit up Russ if he was available. He was interrupted from his plans when he’d heard crying coming from the bathroom. He had considered leaving it, thinking it was none of his business, but ultimately decided to go investigate. He opened the door to the women’s restroom, slowly walking up to the stall that he heard the sniffling and sobbing coming from. He hesitantly knocked.

“Hello? Who’s in there? Do you need, er… help?” He cringed inwardly at how awkward he sounded. What the hell kind of help could he bloody offer? He shook his head and rolled his eyes, waiting for an answer.

“M-Murdoc?” he heard someone whimper on the other side of the door.

“Yeah, who else do you know that has this good sounding of a voice?” He replied. He smiled when he heard a small chuckle. “Did someone hurt you? What do you need love?” He asked. He recognized the voice as Emily, their youngest, most recent recruit. She was 18 and appeared to be the sweetest person alive. At the time, Jasmine had just recently passed away and Murdoc had somewhat secluded himself away from his coworkers so he didn’t know her well. Everyone else had been giving him person space it seemed, which he appreciated.

He heard more sniffles, “I, uh… I kind of need help… I don’t know if you can help me though. Can you get one of the other girls?” She asked. Murdoc thought about the schedule tonight and who was working. All the other girls were working tonight. It was a Saturday night… no… Sunday morning actually.

“Sorry love, I think they’re all working. I might be able to help, I’ve been here nearly a year, I don’t think there’s anything you can tell me that’ll freak me out.” He said reassuringly. He wondered if he should go get Nick.

“I need tampons.” Emily said meekly. Murdoc’s face paled, that was the one thing he wasn’t sure about at all. Well, he was aware, but still not something he wanted to take care of. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, cursing himself for coming in here.

“Okay, hold on. Let me go talk to Nick. I’ll be right back.” He said reassuringly. She gave him a meek okay as he left to the lounge. He looked for Nick, finding him surrounded by people as always.

“I need to talk to you. Emergency.” He said to him bluntly. Nick didn’t seem pleased to be beckoned, but he didn’t protest. Instead he excused himself from the group who continued to chat amongst themselves. 

“This better be good.” Nick growled.

“Emily needs tampons, we can’t ask the other girls, they’re working.” He said bluntly, finding it best to get straight to the point. Nick looked at him then cringed, looking incredibly grossed out and embarrassed. Murdoc frowned.

“I don’t deal with that. That’s… ugh.” He said, beginning to turn around to go back to his group. Murdoc scowled and grabbed his arm.

“Seriously?! As much as you dote on these girls and how fucking gross you are, talking about that grosses you out? Are you bloody kidding mate?” He growled. Nick swatted his hand off of him.

“Yeah, I don’t care if a woman’s on the rag, I don’t want to hear it. Deal with it yourself or tell her to deal with it herself.” He spat, turning again and walking back to his group. Murdoc watched incredulously as he watched Nick be a complete and utter dickhead. When he saw Nick turn to sit down, he noticed the man’s face was red with embarrassment. That was new and it made him smile deviously. He knew Nick was grossed out by that topic now, might come handy in the future. He rolled his eyes and walked back to Emily in the bathroom. He knocked on the stall.

“Hey… Em? Nick’s, er, busy. Can I help you? I can run to the store. Um… do you need anything else while I’m there?” He asked, biting his lip.

“Um… some cookie dough ice cream would be great.” She said timidly. Murdoc chuckled and nodded.

“Alright, deal. Sit tight. I’ll be back.” He said, walking out and walking through the lounge to get outside, throwing Nick a final scowl when he looked at him. He might pay for that one later, but he didn’t care. He hiked up the collar on his leather jacket and made his way to the store. There he looked for the sign above the isle that said feminine hygiene and walked over. His face dropped when saw the entire isle dedicated to it. He looked at all the different brands, the different colors, the different types, it was all too bloody overwhelming. How did women know?

Thankfully, it was too early in the morning to have anyone here to watch him gawk confusingly at the plethora of boxes as he tried to figure it out. He should have asked her what kind, but that seemed too personal. He read the back of one box, trying to figure out what light, regular, and super all meant. He gave up after five minutes and just grabbed three different boxes of mixed kinds, grabbed the ice cream she’d asked for, and lastly grabbing his own bottle of alcohol since he probably wasn’t going to make it out tonight.

As he was getting wrung up at the cash register, the young boy kept looking at the items then back at Murdoc who just glared at him from the other side of the register. He paid for his stuff and left, quickly walking back and making his way back to the bathroom. Overall, he was gone probably half an hour.

“Hey, uh, Em. I, uh, think I got what you needed. Here love.” He said, bending down and handing her the bag under the stall after taking out the alcohol.

“Thank you Murdoc! Thank you so much, you saved me…” She sniffled. Murdoc sighed and turned to leave, calling back as he did.

“Don’t mention it love. Really. Take care, you know where I am if you need me again.” He left with his bottle and went back to his room to drink himself into a coma for the night. After that moment of temporary kindness and caring, word got around to the other girls that Murdoc was a helpful guy still and he found himself, from time to time, having to help once in a while for random little things Nick wasn’t willing to do. He began to see himself as almost a type of big brother, but he usually rejected that term, having hated his own big brother. He still kept his distance, learning after Jasmine to not get close.

His eyes snapped open as he was brought from his thoughts as he heard a car alarm go off outside. _Shit! Did I doze off or just get caught in the haze of thoughts from the drug?_ Either way, it didn’t matter, it was still dark and now he seemed to have a little more control over his body, but just barely. He could at least open his eyelids and move his eyes a little more steadily. He was on a bed in what looked like a hotel room… he couldn’t turn his head but he could see the tops of the cheap ass curtains covering the window, which had the slightest bit of light coming from a nearby streetlamp. It didn’t sound like anyone else was in the room still, which gave him a bit more hope he could still get out of this.

He worked to move his head next, trying to turn it, while also working on his hands. He could feel his head twitching to either side, trying to move it while the tips of his fingers began to move in small jerky movements. It was exhausting work and he had to keep himself from either falling back asleep or going into the haze of cloudiness his drugged brain wanted to keep forcing him into.

Finally, he was able to turn his head and move his hands. It felt like he was in a sludge but it was better than nothing. He then began to work on his legs. Eventually he was able to move those too. The light outside eventually changed from the shitty streetlamp to the warm, orange glow of the rising sun. He looked around and took in more of his surroundings as more was visible from the light. It was definitely a cheap hotel room he was in. He was tied to a cheap bed, the type you wouldn’t want to hold a black light on. There was a single table and a cheap TV set on it. There wasn’t even a real dresser or a mini fridge. He looked over and saw the bathroom, one he was sure was absolutely filthy.

He panicked as he realized this was the type of hotel you took one to if you wanted to murder or traffic them. He’d heard the stories. He knew all too well that there were people out there that took prostitutes like him and sold them into those prostitute rings across seas. For a split second his mind wondered to how much he could be sold for and laughed at the thought of paying off his debt. He scolded himself when he realized how macabre that thought was. He needed to focus on getting the fuck out of here.

He pulled on the rope that had his hands tied. He looked up and noticed the knot was a loose one. He’d been in tighter knots for bondage, so he knew whoever did this either wasn’t familiar or was too lazy. He pulled on it, trying to pull his hands free but it was a little too tight for that and he didn’t have the energy to keep trying. He looked at the ceiling for a moment, contemplating what to do next. Thank Satan the effects of the drugs were slowly beginning to fade.

He was surprised as he realized how long his kidnapper had been gone now. Didn’t kidnappers usually want to come back and take care of the person they’d kidnapped? Maybe the person thought they’d given him more drugs? He could easily scream for help now.

His face fell as he recognized he was being a complete moron. He could yell for help now. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath, ready to yell when he heard the door unlock. He flinched and closed his eyes and mouth, acting like he was still asleep. He cursed himself over and over for being a bloody fucking moron. He listened intently for every sound, trying to gauge where the person was. He desperately tried to keep himself calm, but each sound made his heart leap out of his chest. He wished he could open his eyes and see where the person was, what they were doing, who they were. Instead, his eyes remained closed with ears listening intently.   
  
After a time of things getting shuffled around, it was quiet. Murdoc could swear his heart could be seen beating out of its chest. It had to be visible with as hard as it was pounding. Or it had to be heard. Either way, Murdoc worried it was going to give him away. He abruptly felt a hand on his leg, remaining there without moving. He was proud of himself for not jumping from the touch, though the drugs mainly helped with that. He remained still as the hand moved up his pant leg to his chest, where he rested it for a time. Murdoc fought the increasing urge to open his eyes.   
  
_Who the fuck is this?! What do they want from me!?_ He thought desperately. He pleaded with them internally to move, talk, or do something. And just like that, the hand was gone and he could hear them moving, then stop. Murdoc decided it was time to look, he needed to look, his fate depended on getting out of here and that required his eyes. He cursed himself internally for getting into this mess. He should have been more aware of his surroundings. He slowly peaked an eye open.  
  
"Good morning." He heard a scruffy voice say, one that sounded as if the person was purposefully trying to mask their voice. His eyes shot open and he found the guy sitting in a chair next to the bed, up towards his head. He couldn't make anything identifiable out of the person, except that he was male. He wore a clown mask, one of those that were just a carved piece of plastic with the string to keep it on your head. He hated it with a passion already.   
  
Murdoc pretended he was just waking up for the first time and seeing where he was. He had already scoped out his environment and knew exactly where everything was in the hopes for a quick getaway when the time came. He looked back at the clown, trying hard to keep his breathing stead as his heart raced even faster than before.  
  
"What… what do you want? Where am I?" He croaked, his voice hoarse. The clown only looked at him. He didn't answer his questions and that made Murdoc extremely nervous.   
  
"Are you one of those sex traffickers? I… I can get you money, if that's what you want. I don't think you'd be able to get much for me if you tried to sell me, you know? I'm pretty well ridden, got a lot of miles on me." He nervously laughed before continuing his ramble," If you-" he started, but was stopped by the individual placing his finger over where his own mouth should be without the mask to signal Murdoc to be quiet.   
  
Murdoc bit his lip in quiet desperation. He knew begging was futile and he wouldn't get anywhere if this person was truly set on having him. "Please…" Murdoc begged with a quivering lip. He felt dread fill him as he noticed the other hand held a rather large hunting knife.   
  
The guy stood up and Murdoc flinched away from him, but instead of the man coming closer, he walked past the end of the bed and to the dresser. Murdoc waited in anticipation, his body beginning to shake. He didn't know what to expect, only that he needed to get out of here now. The longer he was with this guy, the smaller his chances were of making it out alive or free. He continued pulling on his restraints, his drugged body seeming to finally sense the impending danger he was in thanks to adrenaline. His fingers fumbled with the rope on the other wrist, pulling and tugging at whatever he could.   
  
His heart skipped a beat when he felt it loosen as he tugged on a single part. _That's it! That's it! Keep going!_ He encouraged himself, pulling harder and feeling the rope finally give way. His hand was free! He quickly fumbled with the other, his eyes staying strictly on the man near the dresser, still rummaging through a bag or something.   
  
Before he could fully loosen the knot on the other wrist, the man turned around. Murdoc looked down at what he had, noticing it was no longer a giant hunting knife but a syringe. _Fuck!_ He began to panic, especially when the guy began to move closer closer. He didn't seem to notice Murdoc's hand was free as he walked up to Murdoc's right side and stared at him for a moment. Murdoc wasn't sure how he could see through the mask very well, it only had the smallest slits for the eyes. The clown seemed to be admiring Murdoc for a moment. Murdoc stared back hoping to Satan the guy wouldn't notice his loose hand. Murdoc also kept an eye on the needle with his peripherals. He couldn't let that thing touch him or he'd surely be fucked.  
  
The clown started to lower the needle towards Murdoc's neck and Murdoc quickly leapt into action. He snatched the man’s hand with the needle, which seemed to surprise the clown, causing him to drop the thing on the bed. Murdoc could feel it resting parallel against his ribs but that was the least of his concerns. The guy seemed to be enraged or panicked that Murdoc was loose and quickly worked to try to restrain him again once again. Murdoc fought to keep his wrist from being grabbed while he struggled to free his other hand.   
  
Murdoc noticed how the guy didn't seem to want to hurt him or was trying hard not to, making his attempts to restrain him weak and ineffective. Out of what appeared to be frustration, the man's hands quickly shot to Murdoc's throat and he began squeezing the sides, cutting off circulation to the brain. He climbed on top of him and straddled stomach so he was stuck. Murdoc panicked and tried to claw and peel the man's hands off his neck, but he wasn't budging. He had a death grip on Murdoc's neck, squeezing on the arteries on either side. Murdoc could feel his head pounding, struggling to receive oxygenated blood. It was almost euphoric, like one of his choking scenes, but then his brain told him to panic, this wasn't a scene. The man was trying to knock him out without really hurting him. He saw a blackness enclosing around his vision and he knew he didn't have long. His mind started getting hazy and he knew he only had a short amount of time left.   
  
By some miracle, he felt his other hand slip out and he brought it up to the man's hands, working to peel his hands off his neck, but he still barely budged. He loosened his grip for a mere second or two, giving Murdoc another second to think before his body began to writhe, trying to get away. He felt something hard against his ribs and remembered the syringe. As his vision began to fade and his brain clouding, he fumbled for the syringe at his side, getting a good hold on it and jamming it into the nearby thigh, pushing the plunger down hard.   
  
The man's grip loosened as he looked down where Murdoc had stabbed him. Murdoc blinked and felt his head rush and spin as the blood came rushing back to him. He pushed the guy off as he was already working to get off Murdoc. The guy fell off the bed and got up with the help from a nearby chair. The masked man quickly stumbled out the door, leaving his bag he'd pulled the syringe out of.   
  
Murdoc didn't have time to watch him leave as he was dealing with his own walking problems. He'd gotten his limbs to move but that didn't mean they'd support him. His legs instantly buckled underneath him as he stepped off the bed. He cursed under his breath and tried to pull himself up with a nearby chair. It was way more strenuous than he would have thought it would be and he swore to Satan if he made it out of here alive, he'd work out more and get in better shape. Deep down he knew that was a lie, but it didn't matter right now.   
  
After a few minutes of struggling, he brought himself up and let himself sit in the chair to rest. He was shaking from a mixture of adrenaline and fear. He looked around the room, noticing the guy was definitely gone and even the hotel door was still open. He needed to get the fuck out of here before the guy came back. He took a couple of deep breaths and then slowly tried to stand again, only to fall back into the chair. Determined to get out of there, he tried a few more times till he was able to find the strength and coordination to stand. He had to use everything around him to support himself but it was working.   
  
He used the dresser, then the counter by the bathroom, finally making his way to the door. He felt like a new born deer as his legs wobbled and worked to support him, like they've never walked before. He thought about how his father used to say he had chicken legs when he was younger. For some reason that made him laugh.   
  
When he finally reached the partially opened door, he took a few deep breaths trying to muster up the courage to open it fully He was worried the guy would be just down the hall waiting for him and this would turn into some horrible motel chase scene like in "The Shining"… only more trashy.   
  
He grabbed the door handle and slowly opened it, peering out to either side of the hallway. It was definitely a cheap ass motel he'd brought him to. It looked like the one a typical cliché serial killer would use in the movies. He wondered where the hell the person went that was holding him captive. He wondered what had been in that needle and what he'd been planning to do to him. He shuddered at the horrifying idea, he needed to leave soon.   
  
He decided to go left down the hallway, still using the wall for support, where he saw an exit sign posted above a door. Thankfully he'd still had all his clothes on and even his shoes. He didn't even bother looking down at how disgusting the carpets probably were, he was already rubbing up against the dirty wall. His main focus needed to be to get to safety. Thankfully he saw no one in the hallways, it was probably too early for all the druggies and hookers to get up anyways. He checked behind him from time to time, still paranoid he'd hear the footsteps.  
  
When he finally reached the door, he pushed it open and was met with a blast of cool air with the sun just above the horizon. He felt a little more oriented for walking, his legs finally deciding to work a little better. He needed to quickly get away from this motel and find out where he was. He tapped his jeans for his wallet, surprised beyond comprehension that it was still in his back pocket.

                       
"Christ, that kidnapper was a bloody moron." He mumbled as he began to limp off towards a petrol station down the street. He looked behind him constantly, expecting a person in a clown mask to be right behind him. He felt like his heart never stopped beating erratically the entire walk. He felt nothing but pure joy when he made it to the filling station. He walked straight back to grab a water bottle and started drinking it down quickly, taking only a moment to breathe before finishing it. He stood there leaning on the glass door of the little fridge, breathing hard and taking a moment to let the water settle in the hopes he didn't suddenly throw it up. The adrenaline from this whole situation made him parched, but he hadn't realized till he'd seen the water. He looked around and noticed the attendant staring at him, a slight frown on his face. Murdoc frowned back and held the empty bottle up.   
  
"I'll pay for it mate, relax. I was kidnapped, give me a break." He said, slowly standing back up and limping his way back over to the counter.   
  
"Where am I?" He asked, pulling out some cash and handing it to the man. The attendant just looked at him like he was a bloody idiot.  
  
“Bristol.”  
  
"Bristol?! What the fuck am I doing here?" He looked outside, not really asking the attendant behind the counter but he still felt the need to answer.   
  
"Dunno." The man answered anyways, going back to sorting cigarettes after he handed Murdoc his receipt, ignoring Murdoc's frown. The bassist shook his head and sighed in frustration. He asked for directions to the nearest bus stop and made his way to it. He was able to hop on a bus and make his way back to London after a few hours wait.   
  
On the way he examined himself a little better, ignoring some of the stares he got as he lifted up his shirt to make sure he wasn't hurt more and just not feeling the pain. He had a few bruises on his ribs and he found he had more bruises around his neck. Overall, he actually was in decent shape for the situation he’d just gone through. His legs finally began to function better as the drugs began to completely wear off. He was left just feeling absolutely knackered, but he forced himself to stay awake whenever he felt himself begin to doze off. There was no way he was going to comfortably fall asleep anywhere except home.   
  
When he finally made it back to London, he hiked his way back to his apartment. It was the most stressful walk of his life. Every foot step he heard or thought he heard he'd look around frantically ready to run. He'd never felt so relieved in his life when he saw his apartment building. He prayed Mrs. Ehrenfeld wasn't home so he could just go straight up to his apartment.   
  
He opened the front door of the apartment and looked around. He didn't see a single person. He quickly walked up to his apartment, thinking he was free till he saw someone sitting next to his door. His heart leapt into the back of his throat and he hid behind a nearby corner, clutching his chest and beginning to hyperventilate. He slid down to sit onto the floor as he couldn't move. _I just want to be left alone…_    
  
He began to sweat as he kept breathing hard and fast. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to focus on it. He couldn't get away if he was cowering behind a corner. He kept reminding himself to breathe and look again. If it was his kidnapper, maybe he could figure out who it was.   
  
He swallowed and took a couple deep breaths, psyching himself up to turn around and look instead of running downstairs. Finally, he just turned and peaked. He swore the whole building could probably hear his heart pounding in his chest. This was probably the millionth time he was convinced his heart was trying to leap from his bloody chest. He looked over the mysterious person sitting by his door, trying to look at him closer. They had a hoodie on with the hood actually up and over their head. They seemed to be slumped over, their knees brought up to their chest as they hugged them. This person seemed the right height for the person who kidnapped him but… skinnier. He couldn't see any other distinguishing features.   
  
He bit his lip, contemplating if he should still run or see who it was. They wouldn't try to kidnap him here in his own apartment hallway… right? People weren't that ballsy were they? He considered how he vaguely remembered getting stabbed in the neck with a syringe by a freak in a clown mask as he walked to work. The memory felt almost like a dream. He was desperate to get home, however. He felt the risk of this being the kidnapper did not outweigh his need for sleep and a shower. Something in his gut told him this wasn't the person who’d kidnapped him… but that could be wishful thinking.

 

He looked around desperately for an idea and saw a fire extinguisher on the wall next to him. He slowly and shakily stood up, grabbing it and holding it close. He was breathing hard and wasn't even positive he'd be able to walk at this point but he knew he needed to deal with this. If it was the kidnapper he wanted to deal with this once and for all. He suddenly wondered if the kidnapper was the same one who he'd felt following him weeks earlier. He shivered and shook his head, pushing away those thoughts. This wasn't the time for that, he needed a clear head.   
  
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He looked around the corner again and the person hadn't appeared to move. He was still hugging his knees and resting his forehead on them. Maybe he was sleeping? This was a perfect chance for Murdoc to strike.   
  
He began to walk forward, his feet feeling as if someone tied cement bricks to them. He tried to remain as quiet as possible, which he felt he was doing a shit job at as every floorboard seemed to give off some small squeak of protest as he stepped on it. The individual still didn't seem to notice.   
  
As he got closer he lifted the fire extinguisher above his own head, ready to hit the person if needed. He clearly heard small snores coming from the sleeping person. This threw up a small alarm in Murdoc's head, making him pause. He was asleep... would someone trying to kidnap someone sleep in such a vulnerable area? He still kept the extinguisher up as he moved closer.   
  
When he was within reach, he reached his foot out and lightly poked the person’s calf. This didn't seem to do the trick, so he tapped him harder adding a quick 'psst' as he did. This seemed to do the trick as the person jumped and looked up at Murdoc. Blue eyes were met with his own and he felt nothing but pure elation.   
  
"Murdoc? What-" Stuart started but stopped as Murdoc dropped the extinguisher and fell to his knees next to Stu. The weight of everything that'd just happened to him finally hit and he couldn't deal with it anymore. He reached over and pulled the kid into a tight hug, which seemed to startle him a bit.   
  
"M-Mur-"  
  
"Shut up…." Murdoc whispered, remaining in the hug. He pulled him in to a tight embrace and stayed that way for what felt like hours, but was maybe only ten or fifteen minutes. He only focused on the smell of Stuart's hair, freshly washed. Smelled like coconut, quite lovely actually. He wondered if Stuart was the type to shower every day or only every now and then. Maybe he showered just to see Murdoc. His heart fluttered for a moment at the thought before he pushed those thoughts away. Stuart wouldn't do something like that for him. He'd made that quite clear before.   
  
He pulled away from the embrace and looked at the singer solemnly, the weight of all that'd happened that morning finally affecting him.   
  
"What are you, uh, doing here?" He asked quietly, ignoring the perturbed look the singer was giving to his neck. He noticed the bruising obviously. He got up slowly with Stuart’s help. He got out his key and opened the door, walking in and feeling the biggest sense of relief he's ever felt in his entire life. He actually felt safe again. He quickly closed and locked the door behind Stuart, who seemed to notice this as well. He leaned against the door and looked at the singer, waiting for an answer.   
  
"I… I came to see you when you didn't show up at the, er, coffee place." He mumbled as he wrung his hands a bit, looking nervous. Murdoc's eyes widened and he smacked his forehead with his palm.   
  
"Oh shit! Stu…" he said apologetically, "Christ, I'm so sorry. I've... had a hell of a night, and-"  
  
"I can see that." Stuart interrupted, looking down at the marks on his neck again. Murdoc swallowed and brought his hand up to his neck absentmindedly.   
  
"L-let me explain. You see, I was kidnapped and-"  
  
"Kidnapped!?" Stuart yelped, eye wide. "W-w-what do you mean kidnapped!?" He asked in a panicky voice. Murdoc sighed.   
  
"Just let me finish, stop interrupting me. I vaguely remember it." He rubbed his eyes in frustration, not even sure what else to explain.   
  
"Is that where the marks on your neck and wrist came from?" He heard the singer ask softly. Murdoc pulled his hand away from his eyes to look at his wrists, finally taking a closer look the rope burns he had on his wrists. They looked raw and nasty, he wasn't sure how he hadn't noticed how serious they looked before on the bus. He looked up at Stuart and nodded in defeat. Stuart had the look of someone who might have just watched a puppy get kicked, which only pained Murdoc's heart more. Stuart didn't see him as anything except someone to feel sorry for. He sighed and looked down.   
  
"Yeah… I was going to work after we'd talked and… I don't quite remember, I just know I remember seeing a clown and I was stabbed with a syringe. Next thing I know, I woke up in a dungy hotel room, in Brixton apparently, of all places, tied up and essentially unable to move. I don't know what the drug was but it took me a while to finally move enough to slip my hand out of one of the ropes." He explained, shivering as he recalled just how close he'd come to probably being someone's skin suit. He noticed how Stuart's look of sympathy slowly morphed into one of horror. Murdoc ran his hands through his hair and continued.

 

"He came back before I could get completely free. I figured, you know, that he might be one of those sex traffickers and I'd be able to convince him to let me go. You know, I'm a used up whore, no one would-"   
  
"You're not a used up whore Murdoc…" Stuart mumbled, interrupting him again. He was looking at Murdoc with a more determined look now, so determined that Murdoc was slightly flustered. He felt a slight ray of warmth for a moment before deciding to continue.   
  
"He silenced me, grabbed another needle full of Satan knows what and came at me with it. I had a free hand so I batted it from his hands but then he got on top of me and started, er, choking me." He continued quietly, reaching up to touch his neck. He had noticed the bruises were mainly on the side of his neck where he'd mainly pushed down over his arteries.   
  
"He actually… knew how to properly choke someone to, er, just cut off blood supply to the brain. He didn't try to cut off my airway or anything..." he muttered, mostly to himself.   
  
"Really? How did you manage to get away?" Stuart asked, stepping a bit closer to Murdoc. Murdoc was brought out of his thoughts and looked up at Stuart, taking his hand away from his neck and clearing his throat. He noticed his hands shaking slightly. He shoved them into his pants pockets and looked at Stuart again.   
  
"Uh, well. I struggled a bit and, uh… I could feel the light beginning to fade…" he stopped for a moment, taking the time to try to steady his suddenly faster breathing. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, his hand finding its way out of his pocket and clutching his chest. He was panicking as he relived it. All these thoughts of why, who, and what if's entered his mind and raced around in a circle, every new possibility worse than the last.   
  
He felt a pair of arms embrace him, making him realize he had closed his eyes at some point. He flinched and quickly opened them, the familiar blue hair he spotted first, putting him slightly at ease. He was hyperventilating and Stuart was hugging him and rubbing his back in concentric circles, muttering something in a soothing manner. Murdoc strained to listen above his noisy breathing.   
  
"Deep breaths Murdoc. In and out. Follow along with my hand rubbing your back. Come on Murdoc, I know you can do it." He whispered and repeated over and over. Murdoc had wrapped his arms around Stuart, clutching onto his thin frame as if it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. He usually didn't believe in this Zen bullshit and would have rolled his eyes, but right now, it was everything he needed.   
  
He slowly began to try to take long deep breaths, following the kid's pattern, focusing only on his voice. Slowly his ragged breathing became steadier and he soon felt his heart begin to calm. He realized he was hugging Stu fairly tightly, but he didn't seem to mind nor did he say anything, so Murdoc held his position.   
  
He stayed like for a few minutes longer, possibly a few minutes too long, but Murdoc didn't care. He took that time to try to take in as much as he could about Stuart, admitting to himself he still liked the kid and slightly sad because he knew Stuart wouldn't like him back. His head was against Stuart's chest as he'd hugged Murdoc when he was slightly crouched. He could hear his little heartbeat, somewhat fast he noticed. He took in his scent, noticing how he'd put on some cologne. Murdoc wasn't a fan of it, preferring his natural scent, but that was something Stuart could never find out about.   
  
Finally Murdoc pulled away hesitantly. He kept his face down, trying to hide the slightest blush on his cheeks. He felt slightly betrayed by his own body. He cleared his throat as he felt his mouth dry and walked past Stuart.   
  
"Do you want something to drink? I'm parched." He croaked out as he walked to his sink, gabbing a cup next to it and filling it full with water from the faucet. He gulped it down, not waiting for an answer from the singer. He slammed the cup down when he was finished and looked over at Stuart, who was still standing in his spot. Murdoc swore he saw a slight smirk on his face that the kid quickly hid when he turned to him. Murdoc figured he just looked like a smug prick sometimes.   
  
"No thanks Murdoc. I, um, dunno if you wanted to finish your story?" He asked gently, walking over next to Murdoc once more. Murdoc noticed the close proximity but ignored it. He put the glass down with a shaky hand and nodded to his question, moving over to his bed so he could sit on something comfortable. He noticed Stuart followed him, almost like a puppy. His heart skipped a beat before he could suppress it. He took a deep breath and pushed that thought from his head as Stuart sat down next to him.   
  
He took another breath before continuing. "Uh, yeah, w-where was I? Oh yeah, light fading and all that. I was able to grab the syringe he dropped and stabbed it into him. He let go of me, sort of stumbled out and I got free…" he looked down at his hands, fumbling around a bit. He saw the rope marks on his wrists and the reality tried to hit him again. He took another deep breath and swept his hand back through his hair, closing his eyes.   
  
He jumped when he felt a hand grab his running through his hair and snapped his eyes open.   
  
"Sorry," Stuart said quickly, "It's just me." He whispered, bringing Murdoc's hand closer to observe his wrists. Murdoc tried to steady his racing heart. His heart he tried to say was racing because of the little scare Stu gave him. He bit his lip as he looked at the singers long pale fingers running gently over his darker skin riddled with rope burn marks and scratches.   
  
He knew he needed to settle down, Stuart wasn't interested in him like that. He was a friend and Murdoc knew he didn't have many so he needed to hold onto this one. He had to push down those reoccurring feelings of affection, no matter how much he hated it. He almost chuckled to himself. He's never felt like this for anyone, and of course he had to have feelings for the one kid who has a chance to make his future a reality. He almost lost that once, he couldn't bear to lose it again.   
  
"Does it hurt?" Stuart asked as he glanced up at him with those beautiful blue eyes. Murdoc could only shake his head. Stuart's eyes shifted up to Murdoc's neck and he saw the sympathetic look. Murdoc swallowed and lowered his head so he couldn't see the marks. For the first time ever, he was ashamed of Stuart seeing him and his marks. He'd been q bit embarrassed before but never ashamed. He usually wore marks like this like battle scars. He always fought to get where he was in life, scars only showed everyone how he'd won every battle till now. However, he didn't feel he'd really won much lately. He'd nearly lost his best friend and band mate over a stupid crush, he'd found out he still owes half his debt, and he was kidnapped. It was all so overwhelming.   
  
"Can I see if you're hurt elsewhere?" Murdoc heard Stuart ask. This brought him out of his thoughts. He glanced at Stuart, wondering if this was just becoming a joke to him but he was dead serious. Murdoc really considered saying no, but he was a masochist apparently. He wanted to be touched by someone he had a stupid crush on and no chance with all because the kid wanted to look. He couldn't say no.   
  
He nodded his head and lifted up his shirt, turning his head away as Stuart looked at the bruises on his chest and sides. He figured today was his day for punishment apparently. He sucked his stomach in a little, slightly self-conscious as he felt those long fingers of Stuart's touch his chest where a bruise was. He swore he heard a very faint chuckle from the blue haired man but he didn't bother turning to look. He gave a sharp intake through clenched teeth as Stu touched a particularly sensitive bruise.   
  
"Sorry!" The singer chirped. Murdoc looked over and noticed how close Stuart had moved now. He bit his lip and suppressed a growl. This kid was going to be the death of him. He held his shirt up and looked at Stuart as he leaned his head closer for inspection. He wasn't sure why he was looking so intently, they were just bloody bruises, nothing more. He hadn't been cut in any way, thankfully, so the close inspection seemed incredibly unnecessary. The kid was too dense to try to purposefully be teasing him too, so Murdoc just had to sit and bear it.   
  
When Stuart moved in closer, his wild hair was practically in Murdoc's face. He couldn't help but inhale the sweet scent of his shampoo. Coconut. Murdoc closed his eyes and tried to suppress thoughts of Stuart showering. It was a losing battle really. He wished more than anything he could stop having thoughts about him, this was torture.   
  
"Murdoc?" He heard, snapping his eyes open. He looked down at the singer, who had somehow ended up inches away from his face.   
  
"Yeah?" He croaked hoarsely. Stuart didn't seem uncomfortable with the proximity, making Murdoc feel even worse. He felt like a big perv, having these types of thoughts about someone who very clearly didn't have them about him. Someone who was kind enough to give him a second chance after that kiss… he swore his   
  
"Does it hurt?" Stuart whispered, not moving away. Murdoc could only nod once more, swallowing nervously. Stuart looked down at the bruises again then back up. Murdoc felt like they looked at each other for hours, when it was most likely only a few seconds. Murdoc spent that time looking over every detail of the man. His beautifully blue and wild hair falling over his forehead and thick eyebrows. His smaller lips parted open slightly to reveal his missing teeth. The small stubble on his chin and upper lip. Finally, his eyes landed on Stuart's beautiful blue eyes. They were like little pools of water Murdoc wanted to swim in. The kid was incredibly beautiful and it was so unfair. Murdoc had had enough. He needed to say something.   
  
"Stu, I-" but before he could finish, Stuart's soft little lips were up against his. His eyes widened in surprise. He felt like everything stopped, the time, his heart, his breathing, everything. Before he could contemplate what was happening, it was over. Stuart pulled away, but still remained close. They were both silent, staring at each other for a moment.   
  
"I… uh…" Murdoc stammered, unsure if that even actually happened or his affection starved brain imagined it. Before he could say anymore, Stuart was on him again, this time a little more aggressive. Murdoc immediately took action this time and began kissing him back. Everything was a blur, their hands intertwined in each other’s hair, lips connected with tongues dancing together in a sort of harmony. Murdoc laid back down on the bed, Stuart now straddling him. He didn't even feel the bruises anymore and everything that had happened this morning was just a distant memory at the moment. The only thing that mattered to Murdoc now was this moment.   
  
Murdoc could feel the singer grinding against him, causing Murdoc to release a few grunts and small moans. His pants felt incredibly tight now and all he wanted was to take everything off. He didn't care anymore about his scars, he wasn't ashamed about his bruises, and he just wanted Stuart.   
  
Stuart continued kissing him, fumbling to lift his own shirt up and over his head, pulling away from the kiss for only a second to accomplish this. He helped get Murdoc's off as well, their lips glued together once again as both were now shirtless, both shirts getting tossed onto the floor without a second thought. Murdoc's hands went to Stuart's hips and then grabbed his ass, helping him grind and roll Stuart's hips against his. Stuart released a few moans in response.   
  
Murdoc wasn't going to continue trying to take Stuart's pants off, thinking maybe this would only be a really passionate make out until he heard a buckle being worked and unhitched and felt his own being pulled out of their places in his belt loops. Murdoc pulled away, breathing hard and looking down at Stuart's hands furiously working to get the button undone. Murdoc looked up at Stuart, who was breathing just as hard as he was and whose eyes were partially covered by his blue hair, which was sticking to his face from a small sheen of sweat. Murdoc brought a hand up and pushed the hair back, showing Stuart's blue eyes, looking at him in a lustful manner. Murdoc shivered.   
  
"Are we doing this?" He asked. He didn't want to but he needed to. He was afraid Stuart would have second thoughts and quickly leave. He felt his heart flutter as Stuart nodded slowly.   
  
"I don't… I don't know what to do exactly…" he whispered, biting his lip and looking slightly embarrassed. This made Murdoc's heart leap into his throat and he immediately took control of the situation. There was no way be was going to let this opportunity slide through his grasp and there was no way he wasn't going to make this the best bloody moment of this kids life.   
  
He held onto Stuart's hips and flipped him around so Stuart was on his back next to him. Murdoc quickly sat up and reached over for the bedside table, turning his back to Stuart.   
  
"Helios?" Stuart asked, confusing Murdoc for a moment as he turned to look back at him, lube in hand.   
  
"Oh," He remembered and chuckled, "yeah, I got that as a joke. I was drunk off my arse one night… my boss wasn't very pleased when he found out." He said, taking his pants off, along with his underwear. Stuart seemed to be watching him nervously.   
  
"W-why though? What does it mean?" He asked, still stammering a bit. Murdoc could tell he was trying to get past his nerves, looking at Murdoc's face instead of his cock. He thought it was cute, knowing the singer probably had never been with a man before. He needed to make it easy for him, so he continued talking as he took off Stuart's pants, leaving his underwear on. He could see he was still hard, a good sign.   
  
"Helios was the Greek sun god, the one the Roman's called Sol. He had a chariot pulled by four fiery steeds that he would drive across the sky from East to West every day." He said, slipping back onto the bed and straddling Stuart's waste. Murdoc talking seemed to help relax the singer as he laid there, propped up on his elbows, looking up at the bassist. Murdoc, without skipping a beat, put lube onto his fingers and reached back, slowly beginning to finger himself, working to stretch himself open. He kept talking, having done this so many times, he could do it in his sleep.   
  
"So, you see, because the sun is so powerful, and the world revolves and relies and worships the sun, I think it's safe to say my ass is comparable. It's worshipped and the world revolves around it." He said with a straight face. Stuart seemed confused, possibly wondering if Murdoc was serious, until Murdoc burst out laughing. He leaned over, closer to Stuart's face as the kid laughed with him. Seeing his gapped tooth smile was priceless.   
  
"That's incredibly silly Murdoc." He chuckled, unmoving as Murdoc got closer.   
  
"I know. It seemed good at the time. Course I was on some very good whiskey and a few uppers at the time, so I'm sure that had a part."   
  
"Probably…" Stuart replied, looking down at Murdoc's lips and biting his own. He closed the gap between them and gently made out with Murdoc as he continued stretching himself. He felt Stuart's hand come up and grab his ass, then his right hand sliding over and gently sliding inside him alongside Murdoc's fingers. Murdoc let out a small moan and kissed the singer deeply, a shiver running up his spine. _This is happening. This is happening, don't fuck it up!_ He told himself over and over.   
  
After a few moments, Stuart continued the kiss, but brought his hands down to his own underwear and quickly took them off, kicking them off the rest of the way till they were on the floor with the other disregarded clothes. Murdoc jumped and let out a moan as he felt those long, nimble fingers gently wrap around his cock, stroking him gently. Murdoc couldn't believe this was happening, it all seemed like a dream. If it was, he really didn't want to wake up.  
  
"You ready Piano Man?" He teased, a small but playful smirk on his face. Stuart chuckled and smiled, nodding quickly.   
  
"Can you, uh… can you take all of me then." The singer asked sheepishly. Murdoc snorted and looked down at Stuart's cock. He was a good size, but by no means the biggest Murdoc had ever had. He looked back up at the singer as he sat up straight, pushing himself so his ass was right up against Stuart's cock, poking into his lower back. He smirked and winked, reaching back to grab Stuart's cock and lifting himself up and putting him against his entrance. Stuart's hands moved to either side of Murdoc's thighs, gripping them gently.   
  
"This isn't amateur hour Stu. I'll take real good care of you." He said confidently, smirking and winking at him. He slowly began to lower himself down onto Stuart's cock, feeling Stuart’s grip tighten on his thighs as the singer laid back and inhaled sharply before letting out a grunted moan. Murdoc felt the familiar stretch as Stuart entered him and slid further in. Murdoc grunted and leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Stuart and leaning over him, biting his lip.   
  
When he was fully lowered onto Stuart, he waited a moment, focusing on both of them breathing hard from excitement. He needed to get used to the feeling, usually preferring this over someone just quickly slamming into him over and over right from the start. He could tell Stuart was restraining himself from doing just that and Murdoc appreciated it.   
  
Murdoc realized he felt a little nervous and giddy. He hadn't felt like this for sex in a long, long time. His job had made it so he hadn't tried to find a relationship of any kind over the past six years, sex just becoming an automatic motion for him, unfeeling and uncaring about what happened. He just worried about him and whoever he was with getting off. He didn't care how. Now, with Stuart, he was nervous, but excited. He wanted to make Stuart feel as comfortable and as good as possible.   
  
He leaned forward and gave 2D a gentle but passionate kiss as he began to move himself up and down on Stuart's cock. The kiss between them started to get sloppier as he continued riding him, their breathing becoming more labored, Stuart's mouth muffling moans slipping from Murdoc.   
  
Murdoc could feel his own cock leaking precum, the rising need to cum boiling up in him each time the singer brushed against his g-spot. He shivered as he felt the singer's hands move from his thighs to his hips, guiding him up and down eagerly. Murdoc knew he wouldn't last much longer, he just hoped Stuart was enjoying himself as well.   
  
He realized how much he felt everything this time, he wasn't just going through the motions like he normally was. He felt every thrust of the singer's hips, every gentle squeeze of his large hands, every grunted breath he made, and every time his lips touched his.   
  
"Murdoc…" Stuart whispered, looking up at him with half-lidded, lustful eyes. Murdoc suddenly felt Stuart's hand move from his hip to wrap around his cock. He felt the singer start to stroke him and Murdoc couldn't take it anymore. He was overwhelmed by it all and couldn't hold it anymore. He came much harder than he expected. His orgasm wracked his entire body, sending a shiver up his spine, forcing him to close his eyes. He let out a loud choked moan that was cut off by Stuart's kiss. He could feel himself rutting into his hand a few more times as thick, white ropes of cum spilled out on onto Stuart's stomach and chest. He could feel his insides squeeze around Stuart, who had begun thrusting in and on of Murdoc on his own as he sat there frozen and overwhelmed by the pleasure.   
  
With a few more thrusts, Stuart came as well, burying himself deep into Murdoc and whining and grunting into the kiss, their moans mixed together. Murdoc never wanted that moment to end. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd orgasmed that hard; he thought it would never end.   
  
Eventually, both men were lying together on the little bed, Murdoc lying next to Stuart after rolling off of him. Stuart had his eyes closed, a smile on his face, a hand resting on his chest, rising and falling with his breathing that was slowly beginning to calm down. Murdoc kept his gaze at the ceiling, afraid at any moment, Stuart would get up and leave. His mind kept replaying their original kiss from before, the look of horror on his face. It had broken a piece of Murdoc's rotten soul and had only recently started to heal, he couldn't imagine the pain of that kind of rejection again.   
  
After a few moments of both men lying there together in silence, Stuart turned to look at Murdoc. He was silent and waited for Murdoc to look at him. He slowly turned his head to looking, once more, into those beautiful blue eyes. His heart raced as he tried to read his face. The kid didn't seem upset. He didn't seem to regret what they'd just done. He had soft eyes and a small smile on his face and he was looking straight at Murdoc, who felt he could relax just a little finally. The next thing that came out of Stuart's mouth reaffirmed that decision.   
  
"Wanna take a shower together?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my [Tumblr.](https://sunday-satanists.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Check out my [Tumblr.](https://sunday-satanists.tumblr.com/)


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